Set....

I have basically used this week to set myself up to succeed in the New Year. So many times in the past, I make a resolution to start eating healthy (this has been on my list for years) and when January 1 hits, I am not prepared and the grocery stores are not open soooooo.....

Food is prepared, all healthy, low carb, low fat, but nutrient rich. I have eggs boiled and in the fridge for breakfast, and lots of choices for lunch and dinners, plus lots of veggies on hand to make salads. I am going out on NYE and plan on partying it up - there will be lots of drinking, lots of eating (after midnight the food comes out) and lots and lots of dancing (thanks to my West Indian roots, the soca will be blasting and the dance floor will be packed. I am going to go and just enjoy - celebrate the end of a fantastic year and look forward to 2012 being "MY YEAR" The last 3 years that I have been writing this blog, I have been changing my life bit by bit- I have worked very hard on working on my inside - confidence, attitude, self worth. I am content with who I am, and can say that if I never lost another pound, I would be happy with who I am.

I have become comfortable with the notion that I am an athlete. I currently weigh 240lbs and I know that with every pound I lose in the new year will make me that much more effective as an athlete. I have paid up my personal training until August and I will not be continuing after that point. The cost has put a huge dent in my finances and there are some things that I just need to spend that money on (the first being a new car- I am just praying that mine will take me through the winter)

Next year - 2012 -
- I WILL complete a 5k in 30 minutes or less

- I WILL compete a try a tri in less than 60 minutes

- I WILL complete a sprint triathlon (no time limits on this)

- I WILL get down to my goal weight (not sure what that is could be anywhere from 150 to 180 lbs)


Today, was boxing day at the gym. My trainer pushed me harder than he's ever pushed me before. My bodybugg calculated 900 calories burned in 1 hr 21 minutes. My body was pushed to the point where I thought I was going to vomit, and the entire time I just kept telling myself 2012 is your year- last chance- how bad do you want it..... I can tell you that I killed that workout..... I want it bad!!!!

Happy New Year-

READY...

Today, I feel optimistic. Was back at the gym today for a great workout with my trainer. He has me doing sprints at 9mph which is no small feat for a 240lb woman :) In between running sets, I was on the stair climber doing 30 floor sets (x2)

I can honestly say that I had a blast at Christmas but I'm glad it's over and I can get back to some sort of routine. I've made a few recipes and will spend this week getting back on track and nourishing my body. The New Year will mark my actual start date.

I keep repeating to myself that I need to hang on tight, cause the next 8 mos is gonna be a crazy assed ride :)

Active weekend.

So I went to my first kick boxing class yesterday. It was fantastic. There were six other women, all of which are advanced fighters. I believe at least 4 of the 6 have actual fights under their belt. They were all very nice and encouraging. I paired up with the instructor to practice some moves so she could assess me. After we went through a few drills ( I had to punch and kick her in the stomach- ouch) We did some sparring. When I partnered up, I was allowed to hit them, but they couldn't hit me. It's funny because I went to see a kick boxing tournement at this gym a year and a half ago. There was a woman who was fighting, who totally inspired me. She was bigger (totally fit, and not fat, but tall and strong) and she wasn't really young. Watching her, I thought hey maybe I can do this... She really, really inspired me. Yesterday, she joined the class and I got to spar against her. It was funny, because before we started our sparring session, she asked me what made me want to start kick boxing.... I told her she did and explained that I had seen her fight and she inspired me.... It was pretty cool that I got to fight her in my first class!

Today - I am going boxing. This has been an awesome week exercise wise, and food wise as well. My back and legs are feeling so much better and I feel like I'm back on track.... finally

Trying a new gym

off to a new gym this morning to try a kick boxing class. It's a womans only class at a martial arts training centre. I am nervous because I don't know what to expect but my personal trainer assures me that it is a beginners class and I will not have to much difficulty with it..... I'm not so sure. Getting back to Sunday boxing this weekend as well after a few month hiatis, so I am excited to get back out there. Things are going well, I feel more fit and my weight is starting to slowly creep down again.

Can I get an Amen...

One thing that I talk about alot is my back issues. Degenerative disc desease and all of the problems that have arisen because of this. I have a visable curve in my spine, people always comment that my body is twisted, and most recently my personal trainer advised me that one leg appears to be longer than the other- which appeared to be throwing my hips out of alignment. He recommended I see a Chiropractor who would probably prescribe a shoe insert to level out the length of my legs. Now, I am terrified of the Chiropractor and have avoided going for years and years. The thought of having bones cracked (especially in my back which I have protected for the last 25 years) just made me break out in a cold sweat. BUT, the thought of finding a solution to my back issues made me overlook my fear and make an appointment. My first appointment was last Wednesday.... Within 10 minutes of assessing me, the Dr. who is awesome, advised that my legs are the same length, the problem is that my pelvis is torqued. The left side is higher than the right, pushed further to the front of my body than the right, and the left side is twisted as well. Ouch.... he has now done two treatments-not using manipulation, but by using a tool that looks like a big sander, which is powerful beyong belief, and is run over my back, buttocks, hips and legs. I could actually feel the muscles relax. I'm now 3 sessions into treatment and feeling so much better. My body is responding very well to the treatments. The best part is that the treatment is for 6 weeks. I have been told that in 6 weeks, I will see a HUGE difference in the way I feel physically, and how I perform in the gym. I will be stronger, will have more endurance and will be able to work out harder. I am so pleased with this news. I am trying to just take it a step at a time and not think about the fact that there is a possibility - after 25 years of pain - that I could be "fixed" in a few weeks. My prayers have been answered. Can I get an Amen indeed!

A day on the trails (pictures)

Last weekend I spent a few hours out at a local park, walking the trails and just enjoying the fresh air. It was a beautiful fall day in southern Ontario. The air was crisp, there was lots of laughter and I packed an amazing lunch - butternut squash soup, chicken on foccacia bread, cheese, and olives and banana bread and grapes for dessert. I also dug my old school camera out of a cabinet, dusted it off and took a few pictures. Here are a few of the better ones:

Endurance

Started a new phase of personal training this week. We have moved into the endurance phase. Mondays I will be doing Olympic style weighlifting (which I have been doing for a bit), Wednesday will be high cardio day and Friday will still be boxing, just ramped up cardio. Monday was fine, I got thought the workout fine. I was feeling great after my massage the night before and was stoked at the fact that for the first time in 2 years, there was no pull in my back when I did the moves. I woke up Tuesday and my hamstrings were sore, and this morning they were screaming at me to not move.... Ouchie, really, really sore - but off to the gym I went anyway. Todays workout started out with two treadmills..... the first at 2.5mph - 0 incline and the second was at 4mph and a 15 incline. For the next 30 minutes I went back and forth 1 min on the "hill" and 1.5 min on the "flat" Man, my hamstrings were killing.... but all the pain aside. I did it, and that made me happy...... next back to the personal training centre - step ups on to a step (pretty low) my goal was to do 35 step ups in one minute. 5 x....... did it, but was spent after the 5th round...... I thought I was done, but my trainer called out..... come on back to the training studio...... here I had to run back and forth across the room one way with a medicine ball above my head and coming back with the ball at shoulder height...... 5 rounds at 2 minutes each.... the pain was killing me.... my face was purple, my shirt drenched but I did my best, I didnt' give up.... I finished with 5 x 30 sec sets of crunches. Man, today was a tough day, but I know that a year ago I would not have been able to do this in the alloted time and two years ago, this would have only been a dream.

Righting a lifetime of wrongs

This last week has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me. (food wise, I suck, but that is a whole different post). I know I've posted in the past about back pain, and the degerative disc desease that has held me back and continues to hold me back. I have been told so many times by my trainer that the muscles in the back of my legs (hamstring) are shortened and tightened because of trying to protect my back from injury for so many years. He has also told me the I have a "tight ass" lol, and then follows it up with "and I don't mean that in a good way". It seems that there is a lot of scar tissue in my back and the facia (sp) in the muscles from my lower back to my hips, buttocks, and hamstring mucsles have all been affected to the point where I have constant pain whenever I work out. The stretching exercises I have done over the last few years have helped but I'm nowhere near back to normal (whatever normal is). Last weekend I decided to book a massage treatment. A very good friend of mine is a massage therapist and has been offering massages to me for years. I finally took her up on her offer because I have been having major stiffness in my shoulders and neck from a. working on a computer all day, b) boxing and doing quite a bit of weightlifting and c) a summer filled with mountain biking ( my shoulders seem to absorb a lot of the shock from the rides) as well as a mishap in the summer where I fell off the bike and jammed my shoulder pretty good. Last Monday, i got my first massage, my shoulders and neck where extrememly tight (I have to stress extremely here) and I also had work done on my hamstring muscles up to my hip/buttock area. Afterwards, I felf pretty darn good, but the next morning I was getting ready for work and BAM- I felt a little pain in my low back area and I knew what was to come. I litereally broke down in tears and was thinking about what I could expect since this has happened to me pretty much at least once a year for the last 30 years. The pain would get worse throughout the day to the point where I could barely walk - my left hip would be twisted upward so that it would feel like it was right under my armpit. I would be unable to lay down in my bed for fear of not being able to get up again.... and the next month or two were going to be complete hell. In actual fact, I did get really sore by the end of that first day, and my hip did feel like it was under my armpit, but I was still able to walk fine, I was able to sleep in my bed and get up without too much trouble and by Friday, I was able to make it back to the gym - and complete a pretty decent boxing session. This to me is victory. All of the hard work at the gym, all of the core work, plank postition, sit ups, bicyles have all been work it because I feel like I may not be able to ever stop my back from "going out" the stronger my core is the more capable I am to manage it and my body is now able to heal better and faster. I mentioned the massage therapy only because I am not sure if the back injury has anything at all to do with my massage - it could be coincidence or it could have something to do with all of the scar tissue, muscle movement etc from the massage. I am going to stick with the massages (once a week for the next month) and see how I'm feeling at that point. I did notice, my shoulders felt very loose while boxing on Friday, and my warm up on the eliptical didn't cause major and instand muscle burn in the backs of my legs. I have spent so many years letting my back problems hold me back and I feel like I am finally ready to do whatever it takes to fix this issue and make me stronger in the gym, and in my life.

Friday recap

So yesterday completed my first work week on program. I am feeling so much better today after eating well for 5 days. I am going to keep it going. Officially paid for my trip to Curacao yesterday, so I have a short period of time to stay on program and see if I can knock off a few pounds by then. So on Wednesday at the gym, my trainer warned me that he had a brutal workout in store for my Friday session, and in fact when he walked into the studio on Friday morning, before he even said hello he said "Im going to make you puke today" and then broke out into a devilish grin! He wrapped my hands and then told me to put in my mouth guard (which meant I was going to spar) and he placed a ladder on the ground (it basically is a mesh "ladder" that marks out boxes on the floor) I did my warmup grabbed a sip of water, and then it was time for the fun to begin. This is what my set looked like: - doing kickboxing lines (right punch, cross punch, left kick) over and over across the studio 2 times, practicing footwork up and down the ladder two times (high cardio) then doing a couple of minutes of full on sparring (punching and taking punches from him). I think I did this set about 6 times through had a two minute break and moved onto the next set which was: - two times hopping through the ladder (think hopscotch) then immediately into a hard punch,punch kick cycle 5x. I think I did this 6 times in the set. At this point I thought I was done, my hour was almost up. I was crouched down trying to get some air when my trainer comes walking over with a mat - damn, I know this can only mean one thing - ABS..... I had do two ab exercises. The first you make a position like Jesus on the cross (arms out legs straight) and lift your upper body up off the mat. Hold for 5 seconds. Then bicycles x 20. I did this 6 x. After as I collapsed on the bench and tried to get my breathing to calm down I heard myself say "man that was hard - but good-it was really, really good" wtf, did those words actually come out of my mouth- haha. I wore my body bugg and my calorie burn for the 1 hour session was 750...... Brutal Now at this point it was only 8:00 in the morning.... I had to shower, run home change, rush off to work for 10:00 and had a crazy busy morning. By about 3:00 I could barely keep my eyes open and by 8:00 last night, I couldn't fight it any longer - I went to bed..... Calories burned for the day 2750, calories consumed 1100 - difference 1,650 (just under half a pound) This is the kind of numbers I am looking for. In the past I was hitting my burn, but I was consuming the same amount or more. Today, is my Thanksgiving Day celebration..... gotta get through this.

Day 4 on program

I am holding on. Today was difficult. The smell of french fries and vinegar from my co-workers lunch, the sight of all the dounuts and muffins on display at Tim Hortons this afternoon, and just feeling plain yucky tonight. It's been a pretty hard day. All that's keeping me going right now is, number 1, the fact that I have suffered with withdrawal symptoms all week. I do not want to quit now and, number 2, I do know that I will start feeling better very soon. I am so looking forward to that day. On another note, I am just about to book a vacation to the sunny Carribbean. In about 6 weeks time I will be heading to the Dutch Antilles for a week of sun, sand and sea. While I know I will not be ready to don a bikini by then (lol not even close) I think I can get a good 10 lbs off by then. I made the decision to work out 2x per day every day this week. I told my trainer on Monday that was my plan. I have just been so tired that it hasn't worked out. I am trying to not feel guilty about it. I have put every ounch of energy towards staying on track this week. Next week I will increase the activity. Finally, Canadian Thanksgiving is coming up this weekend, I am trying to get myself into the mindset that I will not waiver from my program. I will stick to meat and veggies and fruit for dessert and 1 glass of wine two glasses of wine ok no more than 4 glasses It's 8:00 and I am gonna go to bed! Anything to stop myself from eating.

Set myself up to fail.... but I didn't

Had a great workout this morning - I have been doing weightlifting..... I think it's part of a lift called clean and jerk, which I know sounds a bit rude lol (pictures follow). Anyway, I came home at 8:30, starving and made myself a protein shake with almond milk and bananas and strawberries. Blended it all up and left the friggin thing on the counter when I left for work...... thank goodness I had an apple with me cause I was so tempted to pick up a bagel to go with my coffee( you know the line- just this once, then back on track, which never happens). So here I sit, 3 days totally on program, with a very limited amount of carbs. I feel good mentally. Physically, well not so much. I am still headachy, and tired, but I know these symptoms will be gone in a few more days. This morning I really struggled with the weights, I believe it's because of the change in eating, but my trainer assured me I just was not focusing.... I think he's probably right(lol he's always right!) Here are a few pictures. In the first two I'm just lifting a 30lb bar, just really practicing correct form(I did 15 reps), then I got a 45lb bar and did 5 reps, then I got 10lbs on the bar and did 5 reps at 65lbs.

Time to Regroup

Day 2 of being back on track. I cannot remember the last day I was on track for a full day. I am trying to detox my body from sugar and flour and the result has been fatigue, a constant headache, and a really bitchy mood..... I am hoping that in about 4 or 5 days, I will have all the crap out of my system and will start feeling great again. Lots going on in my life, things seems to be changing quickly..... some things are not easy, but in the long run, will help me reach my goals. Looking to get back into posting updates and documenting my fitness accomplishments with pictures. Here we go again........

Look up-way way up. Is it a bird? is it a plane? no it's...

just me :)

I have been posting in the last week about going zip lining and how I wasn't able to fit and was so upset etc... before I left I read a fellow bloggers post about fate, and whether or not people believed in fate. I personally am a huge believer, and I wrote that her blog post restored my faith in fate.

Thursday, I headed up north with my three nieces, resigned to the fact that I was going to be following them around the park taking pictures and holding their jackets. When I registered for the hotel on line, I also purchased three treetop trekking passes and 3 zip line passess for my nieces and 4 breakfast vouchers. When I checked in at the hotel they gave me a fistfull of assorted vouchers which I passed to my niece. I then came over to the girls and they were all smiling saying I had really "gotten" them by telling them I couldn't zip line. I looked at them confused as they showed my the *4* treetop trekking and *4* zip line passes. Fate seemed to be saying I was supposed to do this even though I was terrified of embarressing myself in front of a group of people if the harness didn't fit. BUT IT DID!

I started out slow and ended up doing two courses in the tree top as well as two zip lines, the second one suggesting that this is the longest zip line in all of Ontario. I was so happy I could have just cried, and I think I did pretty darn good too. Here are some photos(Note: I'm still trying to get a hold of my actual zipline video, and will post it once my niece provides me with it.)

Happy 45th birthday to me indeed!!!!!

Running along....

This morning I completed week 1 - day 2 of the learn to run program. Wow, running makes me sweat like nothing else. 20 minutes in and my shirt was drenched and sweat was dripping off my forearms.... who sweats on their forearms!!!! I remember when I first started working out I told my trainer "oh I don't sweat" haha I now know it's because I never worked hard enough to sweat. I would quit at the first sign of sweat. Now 5 minutes into my warmup I can feel the beads of sweat on my face.

Eating on plan is still difficult, but I am trying! I am taking it one day (and sometimes 1 hour) at a time..... I WILL get my binge eating under control.

Heading up North for a few days tomorrow. I still have this little voice in my head saying just try the damn zip lining harness on...... it might fit! We'll see.

Week 1 Sans trainer

For the last 2.5 years I have worked out with my personal trainer at the gym. We have never missed more than 1 week of training together, but he is now gone to Austrailia for 3 weeks. My last training session with him was last Wednesday and to be absolutely truthful, I have not been back to the gym since then (prior to this morning). On top of that my old crappy eating habits have once again kicked in.

confession (look away if you are squeemish): I bought a chocolate velvet cake last week- I specifically went to this particular store because I knew they had better baked goods. So I bought a chocolate cake, Hagen Daz ice cream (I am lactose intolerant!), giant hot dogs and buns to go with it. Then I stopped at the drug store and picked up a bag of kettle chips, and then stopped at pizza pizza and picked up two slices (which is actually equivelent to 4) of pizza.

After eating the pizza and most of the big bag of chips, I was stuffed to the gill, but I went and grabbed the cake and ate a big piece, along with 1/4 of the small tub of ice cream.

I felt guilty (as well as sick) later on that evening and threw the balance of the cake out. (here comes the really gross part) It was in a plastic container and then in a grocery bag (makeshift garbage bag, with no other garbage in it). The next morning I grabbed the cake out of the garbage and ate a huge piece for breakfast- WTF

The balance of my week has pretty much been like that - Eating out, drinking huge drinks and barely exercising- I FEEL LIKE MY OLD SELF - I FEEL LIKE CRAP!

This morning I am re-committing. I went to the gym and did the first run cycle of the couch to 5k run program. 5 minute warm up then intervals of run 1 min/walk 1.5 min for 20 minutes. Then I jumped on the stationary bike for half an hour.

Breakfast was a boiled egg on 1 sl toast with marg, and 1/2 cup almond milk with protein powder. I also went and bought green beans and zucchini and took out some salmon and some chicken for my lunch/dinner for today and tomorrow.

The three weeks without my trainer is a test. I have only myself to be accountable to. It's time to step up to the plate and do this on my own.

Something is really bothering me

It's been on my mind for days now, but I have been reluctant to post because I don't really know how to put my feelings into words, but let me try.

I feel like I have worked very hard over the last two years to get to where I am today. Now I realize I haven't lost that much weight, but my body size has gone down considerably and my fitness level has skyrocketed. I have been trying to figure out why I seem to be stalled at 240lbs. It's not a plateau or anything to do with my body, I think I have just gotten comfortable with the way I look. I think I look ok and have begun to "blend in" rather that "stick out". I have run a 5k, done a try a tri, climbed the CN tower and have been killing the mountain bike trails- I grabbed my bike and rode along the crowded boardwalk in toronto (which is a huge accomplishment for me because I normally would not even think of doing that for fear or being ridiculed)

That's all pretty great right, but here is the thing. I planned an overnight get away for me and my three nieces this coming week. I wanted to strike something off of my bucket list so I chose zip lining. The girls are really excited to do this with me but..... there is a note in the brochure saying that women who wear a size 18 or over will not fit into the harness. Whaaaaat.. I am currently just fitting into a size 16, but depending on the clothing I still wear some things in a size 18. I am terrified of going and not having the stupid harness fit.... so I have chosen not to participate, but rather go along and take pictures of my nieces as they zip line.... I am so upset because I feel like I have come so far but this just shows me that I still do not fit!

I have decided that rather than take this as a negative thing, I am going to use this as a positive to start losing again. I want to be past the point of having to ever worry if I am over the weight restriction, or if the harness is going to fit. I will go to the park and experience how humiliating and upsetting it is to have to walk the course when I want to be up there participating and I'm going to make a deal with myself that next spring I will be able to get up there and comfortably zip line.

Onwards and Downwards. (just not *down* a zipline)

Out and about

Monday is starting off great. Acutally I should back up and write that last night I took my two nieces to Chuck e Cheese for an evening of fun. I haven't had the opportunity to spent much time with them so it was loads of fun.

This morning I was up at 6:00 and at the gym for 6:30. I did 15 mins on the tread mill walk/run (actually more walking than running), then 15 mins of stretching. On to my personal training session -60 mins doing TRX training. I was a bit scared becuase I hurt my shoulder on this equipment last week, but today all was good. I am working up to a new crazy hard move. You lie on your stomach and put your feet in the TRX stirrups, then lift off the ground into a plank position. then pull your knees up to your chest and then roll them back out. I barely managed to do 1- huge core component here. But this is going to be constant in my training until I can get through 10. Here is a photo of the starting position(and nope, that's not me- I wish haha)




After my personal training session I hit the pool and did an easy swim for about 20 minutes, then lounged in the sauna, showered and spent another 30 minutes in the massage chair. Now I'm home, had a coffee with milk, two slices of wheat bread, an egg, two tsp of marg and a slice of cheese and I am good to go.

Just waiting to hear from my niece as she is going to go bike riding with me today along the Toronto waterfront. Should be a nice day ahead, with a big calorie burn.

Update:

Back from bike riding along the shores of Lake Ontario in west end Toronto. Beautiful day, blazing hot and lots of people out enjoying the day. The downside is I ended up at a Texas Longhorn Grill and enjoyed a Rita Cornita (a huge margarita with a little corona upside down in it, and I shared an appetizer trio with my niece..... but I think I am done eating for the day, so I think I am still ok.

Anyway here are some pictures of me and my niece from our day out.

Keep on keeping on.

Wow, it has been such a busy few weeks... hmm let me update some of the going on's:

1. Exercise:Mountain biking: Upgraded to a new park. I knew the degree of difficulty was upgraded by the serious looking athletes in the parking lot. This was a tough day of riding which I did pretty darn good on..... until the 5 mins before leaving when I wiped out ans smashed my shoulder and hip on some rocks. My legs are covered in bruised the worst being a particularly nasty one on my hip, which is the size of a grapefruit.... But I LOVE that trail system. Because of the mountain biking my legs are much stronger these days and my running times have improved. I just feel much stronger when I'm running. I pulled a muscle in my shoulder this week doing TRX training, and haven't felt great since then.... Hoping an osteopath (accupuncture) treatment this week will solve that. My trainer is leaving on Friday for 3 weeks vacation so I need to push myself hard while he's gone.

2. Work: I was presented with an award at work this week - A principles in practice (PIP) award. Considering I am covering a mat leave which is a higher level than I am currently doing makes me very proud of my achievement. It makes me happy to know my bosses are recognizing my hard work.

3. Personal: I am on vacation for the next two weeks - I have also challenged myself to lose a large amount of weight in the next month. I plan on pushing myself to the limit for 1 month and see what I can accomplish. I am not going to post any numbers because I don't want to set myself up for failure, but will post whether or not I reached my goal at the end of the month. It's also my birthday on Tuesday. I am turning 45. I totally do not feel 45 (and I don't think I look it either). I took a picture yesterday before going out with some friends to celebrate(posted below). I couldn't help to notice how healthy and happy I look. I see that sparkle in my eyes again. No major plans to celebrate, however I am looking into booking a night away with my three nieces next week at a spa/hotel/ adventure park where I hope to ZIP LINE for the first time ever. Whoo hoo picture will follow!



and here is a comparison pic from when I started to today:

Exhausted

I remember my life not too long ago when I was tired all the time from just sitting around doing nothing, fast forward to the last few weeks and I haven't had a moment to myself. Last Friday boxing, saturday mountain biking, sunday- boxing, Monday: weight training, tuesday - mountain biking, today - running.

Tomorrow is my rest day, so I won't be going to the gym or working out at all. Hopefully I will be able to catch up on some sleep.

Today I worked out with my trainer in the empty covered parking lot at the mall where my gym is located - It was really hot!!! I ran the perimeter of the parking lot 5 times (2.5k) then did a bunch of running drills (around cones, backwards etc) and then he set out a 40 meter distance and I had to do sprints (think 100 meter dash). I was surprised at how I was able to accelerate. My first attempt was 6 seconds (my trainer was hoping I would be under 15) My average time for the 10 sprints was about 10 seconds. Not to shabby for a 240lb 45 yr old ;) I still keep saying to myself, imagine what I could do if I were 50lbs lighter...... One of these days I am gonna get it all together.

Mountain Biking - First time out

Saturday was my first time out on the trails on my new bike. It was a beautiful morning and the park wasn't too busy. I have to admit I was feeling a little bit rusty out there, since I haven't been on a bike since last summer pretty much. At the park you get killed right from the get go as you climb a steep hill right from the parking lot to the main road - I had to stop for a sec and catch my breath. Then there is another hill (off road) that is a bit rocky and very steep. I had to push my bike up part of this. So by the time I got to the main trail, I was already tired.

After about 10 minutes, the burn in my legs dissappeared and my breathing shallowed and we hit an off road loop - the trail is pretty rocky, there are hills that are covered with rock and tree stumps and there are areas that are smooth but have sharp inclines. My bike was fantastic on the rocky areas. My old bike was a leisure bike so it had thin wheels and no treads and I use to get knocked around on these trails - my new bike has nice thick wheels with solid treads and I just breezed through the rocky areas. The only downfall was that because of the treads I find I am a lot slower on the smooth areas and I get more timed because it takes more effort to move the bike. I guess that really isn't a downfall though because I'm probably burning more calories. So we rode yesterday for 90 minutes and covered approximately 20k of trail.

Looking forward togetting out there again next weekend. Right now my focus is moved to today. I am going boxing.

Happy Canada Day!

Fantastic Canada Day today spent with some good friends out in Milton Ontario. Did a walk down to the fairgrounds where we did tons of walking in the hot sun and then came back to make a beautiful BBQ of pepercorn steak, grilled zuccini and peppers and an amazing Californian wine to go with it. Then we walked back to the fairgrounds to listen to the live band - A BeeGee's cover band and then watched the fireworks..... lots of sun, lots of walking and lots of fun....

Now I am gonna catch some zzzzzz's before heading back out there tomorrow for some mountain biking- Can't wait

My new ride -

So I decided to buy a decent mountain bike. I enjoyed hitting the trails around home last summer and I just wasn't getting the full experience with the bike that I had. Plus because it didn't have any shocks, my arms and shoulders would be so sore by the time I was done. So here is a picture of the new bike.... I am hitting the trails tomorrow for the first time this season and am very excited. I plan on taking my camera so hopefully I will get some photos. Happy Canada day tomorrow. I hope you all celebrate our wonderful country and all the opportunities it offers us. To all my friends south of the boarder, happy 4th of July on Monday. Enjoy your day!

Weekend Cook a thon

I am trying something new (again). I find it so hard to cook during the week, and because I am only cooking for myself, I got into the habit of making one or two dishes on the weekend and then eating the same thing every day (sometimes the same thing for lunch and dinner).

I decided to pull out a meal plan that I received a little while ago and prep my meals for the week. Whatever I have for dinner, I will make a double portion have for lunch the following day. The meat products have been prepared in their marinade(or with the filling in them) and then frozen without cooking, so I will just take them out of the fridge and pop them into the oven. Here's what I made:

-chicken with sundried tomato pesto
-salmon with crunchy walnut topping
-steak and mushrooms
-brocoli slaw (dressing on the side)
-green beans with orange shallot sauce (sauce on the side)
- Mixed veg and cucumber salad (dressing on the side)
- egg omelete bake with cheddar and Canadian bacon and tons of veggies
- strawberries and blueberries cut up and portioned in baggies(to be topped with kefir yogurt)
- mini watermelon, cut up into chunks

Phew, makes me tired just looking at this. I froze about 8 portions or the chicken and 8 portions of the salmon, so I should have sufficient amounts to last for 3 weeks, plus I tripled the veg/canadian bacon mixture and froze the other two portions to use in the weeks to come. I feel really good now knowing that I have everything I need to be sucessful for the next week.

Yesterday my niece came over to drop off a gift for me... her and her sister were shopping and saw the perfect bag for me. It's a nylon type NIKE bag, that I think doubles as a backpack but written across the bag is " pick a fight" They both looked at it and thought of me and my boxing..... so I am now using it to keep all of my boxing stuff in. I love getting gifts :)

:)

Boxing Video

I have written a lot about my new found love of boxing. It makes me feel strong and athletic and powerful. It's funny though because I will not look at myself in the mirrors when I box. I am afraid to see that my body, does not match the way I feel when I am boxing and I will lose the confidence that I feel when I am doing combos with my trainer. Anyway, the one hour boxing sessions I have been doing every Friday for the last two years have been my absolute favourite workout. On Friday morning I took in my camera and filmed bits and pieces of my workout. I really just wanted to see what my boxing form looked like to see where I could make some improvements. When I was done with my workoutI watched the video and was absolutely shocked to see what I look like. Shocked in a good way. In watching the video I can finally see the athlete I am becoming. I did not see the flaws in my body, I only saw the strength. I LOOK DARN GOOD! Yesterday was a wonderful day. Here is the video:

Planning a 45th birthday gift

I was thinking today about my birthday coming up this August. I will be turning 45 and I sort of want to do something totally out of the ordinary for me. An idea has been rolling around in my head for some time, in fact is is a bucket list item, and I think this year may be the perfect year to.......

SKY DIVE or ZIP LINE

Arrrrrrrgh, this makes me break out in a sweat at the very thought. The idea came to me while thinking of the most terrifying thing that I could think of to do, and that is to jump out of a plane. This idea was reenforced on the Biggest Loser this season when the contestants faced their fears in New Zealand by doing all kinds of crazy stuff- jumping from buildings, rock climbing, zip lining and bungee jumping. The confirmed all the reasons that I had for doing something like this, facing my fears head on and most importantly concuring them, also someone mentioned they were jumping into a brand new life.

I think about the benefits that pushing myself outside of my comfort zone all the time. So many times I have felt afraid to do something and all I have to do is turn to look at the CN Tower visable from most points in the Greater Toronto Area, and I am reminded the I climbed that monster last year. If I can do that, surely I am capable of hurling myself out of an airplane right? right?

21 day food challenge

Still hanging in with the food challenge. I can say that my weight is dropping quickly. I'm not sure if is just the water weight or the IBS symptoms that have been in high gear, probably from all of the vegetables I have been eating over the last 4 days. As of this morning my scale is showing me down 8lbs in 4 days. Crazy right. I have however been eating enough food and even managed to go out to a restaurant one of the 3 days where I ordered cedar plank salmon, no rice, and a double side of veggies. I think I may gain a few lbs of water once my body adjusts to this new way of eating and everything stops going right through me, but so far so good.

The down side is that because of the lack of carbs in my diet, I was feeling rather lethargic, so I am definitely failing in the 35km of exercise part of the challenge. I did manage two great workouts on wednesday and yesterday - yesterday being a boxing session that was way over the top. My puches are so much stronger these days, my cardio level is up to the point that I don't need a long break in between rounds and when kicks are added into the mix (which they often are these days) I am not ready to collapes at the end of the round. I am just waiting for my energy to return, which I'm sure it will now that I have added some carbs and fruit to my diet. I have never enjoyed brown rice more than I did last night with my dinner.... and the slice of pineapple that I had with todays egg breakfast was devine.

I am hoping to get down to the boxing club that I worked out at the last few Sundays. Tomorrow they are holding a fight afternoon, all female card, and many of the women I have seen and been inspired by at the gym ate on the card, include the fight that I am most interested in seeing - two 180 lb over 40 female fighters. Seeing these women in the ring is confirmation to me that it is possible for me to get there.

I feel like I am back on track now, my mind is clear, the binge eating exercises I have been doing seems to be kicking in and my weight is finally going down again.

Onward and Downward.

exercise count: 12.25/35 km

Another week, another challenge

21 day Challenge

Food goal for day 1-3 no carbs, lots of veggies, protein, but no fruit

Day 4 -7 small amount of carbs, but no pasta, bread or potatoes

Week 1 exercise goal - weights 3x week + 35 km of cardio (anything but bike)


Day 1
- breakfast - ground beef with zuchini and onion (1/2 cup)
- lunch - same as above, but with tomato and onion salsa
-Dinner -ugggggh more of the beef an zucchini, baked broccoli with roasted pepper.

Exercise - 4.0km/ 35

Today - on target

Back at it

Yesterday was a really hard day for me. I ended up giving myself the day to just say "fuck everything" and just let myself be upset. I didn't track any food, or think about exercising, in fact I spent most of the day checking to see if I got an email from a certain someone, (which I didn't and don't really expect to).

Anyway, I got an overwhelming craving for chocolate cake in the afternoon, and tried over and over to put it out of my head, but couldn't, so I went and bought a packaged chocolate cake mix and a can of icing and came home and made a cake. I fully intended to eat the whole damn thing, you know in a stuff down your pain kind of way. Then I realized after eating two pieces, that I was still upset, still in pain and I need to feel the pain in order to let it go. I then did something that I NEVER would have done in the past - I threw the rest of the cake out. Gonzo....

I am strong, and I can get through life's sad moments without turning to binge eating - oh yes I can :)

Today, I am going to a cooking class which focuses on cooking for weight loss and can incorporate gluten free and dairy free options. Looking forward to getting out of the house and learning something new.

Not being good enough

"Moving on is simple, it’s what you leave behind that makes it so difficult."

How can someone be so perfect for you in every way except that their actions, no matter how unintentional, continue to make you feel like you are not good enough.

I hope walking away is the right decision. Right now it doesn't feel that way, but I guess time will tell...

Lesson #4- another letter to myself

This lesson was more about telling the not so thin self what you think of her and then writing back to the thin self telling them what you need from them.... I think the whole thing is getting to know yourself....

Dear not so thin me:

Ok, I know I was a bit harsh in my last note, I have actually quite surprised at how angry I was with you. The truth is, I see you as such a good person, I know your family and friends adore you, and I just want you to be confident and love yourself. I see how proud you are of the changes you have made to your body so far, you have inspired others to try and change their own lives and you have accomplished so much in a relatively short period of time. I just think this your time, this is your window of opportunity and want to finish this journey strong. I want you to join me here on the other side where you are strong, fit, are able to wear the most fantastic clothes, and not so thin me – over on this side you will be able to wear the hot stylish high heel shoes too! I know how much you long to wear them J When you join me over here on the thin side, I just know you will be content – truly content, I’ve seen your self confidence soar in the last few years, I just know that is the tip of the iceberg for you. I really am tired of seeing you struggle in this life- you know, letting weight be the one factor that decides almost everything in your life. I want the issue of weight to be a NON factor in your life, so that you can use all of that energy enjoying every moment of the new life that is waiting for you over here. Come on over not so thin me, I am waiting for you and if anyone can do this, it’s you.



Dear thin me:

Thank you for the kind words. I too was a little bit taken aback by the harshness of your words, but I do understand how frustrating it must be to watch me struggle with something that truly looks on the outside to be a simple problem which can be remedied by not eating as much. I do appreciate your words and can tell you that yelling at me and making me feel small is not the way to get me over to the thin side, I need you to be a cheerleader for me, keep re-enforcing the fact I am worth it, I can do it and I will do it. Give me a little push in the mornings when I don’t want to get up and go to the gym…. Be that little voice in my head telling me I really do not need that piece of cake or the second serving. Help me to see myself as beautiful, smart, funny and capable of doing this, and most importantly keep reminding me that I am worth it. I deserve to be the best possible me that I can be and that I am so going to love the freedom that being thin will bring me….. Yes, thin me, I believe it is finally time to unshackle the chains that have held me back for so long….. together, I think we can do this.

A course in weight Loss-Lesson #2

(SWEAR WORD ALERT) I don't want to offend anyone - Lots and lots of f*bombs* in this post.....







Working my way through a binge eating book called A course in Weight Loss- 21 Spriitual lessons for surrendering your weight forever by Marianne Williamson. My all time favorite quote is from a book by Marianne Williamson , so when I saw this book I picked it up. It does have a slightly religious undertone, but seems to deal more with giving over your fear to a higher power, whatever that higher power may be to you.

Anyway today was lesson #2 and what I needed to do was write two letters, one from my thin self to my not so thin self, and then one from my not so thin self to my fat self. What I found is that the anger that I feel towards my not so thin self- the self loathing that I have felt for so long really came out in the letter from my thin self. At first I thought this may be a bit too personal to add here, and then I realized that it is true and honest and when I first started a blog it was so that I had a place to write down my raw feelings.... here it goes:

Dear Lardo:

Just what the hell do you think you are doing? Why are you continuing to stuff your fat fucken face with a bunch of shit that you know is not going to get you to your goal of being thin. You say you want this so bad, you work out in the gym and sweat your ass off, then walk around for the next two days sore as hell from working out so hard and deal with reoccurring injury day after day, month after month, for over two years now yet you are still 240 fucken pounds… Don’t believe them when they tell you that you have gained a lot of muscle and that’s why your weight is not going down. I know and you know its not true. You are burning 600 calories at the gym and then eating 1000 calories of pure shit on top of your regular calories for the day.

I know it’s hard to change into a person who you don’t really know how to be. I understand the thought of coming out into the limelight and getting attention can be scary- look I know you have lived much of your life in the shadow of others, always trying to stay under the radar. I know the thought of having attention cast your way, especially from men is hard since you have spent so much of your life pushing men away. I also know the thought of having a man be disgusted by your fat, scarred body is scary but remember, you learned how to live as a 280 lb woman and yes, you were able to keep a low profile, get by with just a few close friends, never really try anything new and exciting and keep the men away but can you say you have been happy? Absolutely fucken not. You feel like a failure most of the time, like life is passing your fat ass by. Who the fuck goes to the Caribbean and is too fucken scared to get up and walk down to the water in a swimsuit because she doesn’t want people to laugh at her fatness- who the fuck does that really- pays 1500 fucken bucks year after fucken year to go and sit on a chair on a beach, sweat your fucken ass off and be too afraid to walk down to the fucken ocean because your fat…It seems that everything you have ever done has been done half assed and now you have the chance to break free of the chains and live your life the way you want to live it, as an athlete and you just don’t have the fucken guts to do it! Who cares if you fail at something, everyone fucken fails. Failing should just give you the strength to push a little bit harder until you are successful. You are nothing but a fucken coward!

You know that I love you but come on, this is the opportunity of a lifetime, the closest you have ever gotten to really, REALLY becoming an athlete and living the life that you have always wanted to live….

Do you remember middleschool when the ugly little fuck used to walk past you every fucken day and yell out “laaaaaaardo” when he walked passed you. Do you remember how ashamed and embarrassed you were- huh do you remember lardo? Do you also remember how amazing it felt when you finally decided to stand up for yourself- Remember grabbing the little fuck by the shirt collar and smashing him into a locker? I’m sure his feet were off the ground! Remember the look of fear in his eye when you told him if he EVER said that to you again “he was dead”! and do you remember how for the next year and half, that scared little fuck was your FRIEND and said hello to you when he passed you in the hall. That took a lot of guts, I was truly proud of you for standing up for yourself. You can do this, you CAN change your life. Stand up for what you really want out of this life and fight.

Love you always,
Your thin, athletic self





Dear thin, athletic self

I know a lot of what I do does not make sense to you, really how can it. Sometimes I think that the damage done to my self esteem since I was a little kid is not repairable at this time in my life.

It’s true that the fact that I have always been fat so I have never really had high expectations for myself. I know that’s sad to say but that is how I have felt. Growing up I was the only fat kid at school, and although I didn’t get teased too badly It was always clear that boys were not interested in the fat girl…. I remember being in grade 3 and playing kissing tag – I kept running, and running and running, but there were never any boys chasing me to kiss me. Same with high school dances, nobody ever asked me to dance, eventually I just stopped going and found a job, so I would have an excuse for why I couldn’t go. I have been told by a boy at around age 10 that I had a pretty face and should consider losing some weight so I could find a boyfriend, and was given an elephant puppet by a boy as a joke gift, have had boys stick their head out of a passing car and tell me that I would have to walk all fucken night if I wanted to lose some weight(I was out for a walk to get some exercise) and I have, for many years seen a look of disappointment in my thin athletic fathers eyes telling my that he is ashamed of me.

I have watched both of my sisters make horrible mistakes with men. I’ve seen them place all of their self worth in the hands of the men they were dating or married to, and I have seen the devastation caused by tragic events caused by both of them. I think in a way I was so disgusted by my sisters’ need for a man in their lives to feel worthy, that I rebelled and decided that I didn’t need a man – I could find my own happiness and a way to ensure this was to pack on the pounds. I have made some headway with this though thin athletic self. I did meet a terrific guy and dated him for over two years before realizing that I was looking for something more serious that he was, and while we are no longer dating, I have learned that there are good men out there, and I also learned that do want to love and be loved. I am making some headway then although there is still something that is holding me back, just not sure what!

Please don’t give up on me thin, athletic self. I feel that in the last two years I have come into the light after living in the darkness for so long. I still have a way to go but I am learning more about myself every day. I am going to figure this out and make you proud – I promise.

Signed,
Your not so thin self.

Check in

Thursday stats
calories in: 1116
Calories out: 1761
Daily deficit:645
Weekly total deficit: 5473


Friday stats
calories in: 1550
Calories out: 2836
Daily deficit: 1290
Weekly total deficit: 6763

Highlight of yesterday was my workout in the a.m. 30 minute warm up (dynamic warm up and some jogging) and 60 minutes of kickboxing and I burned a wopping 750 calories.... niiiiice.

Today I am planning out some meals for the next week, and I have to go buy a mouthguard. I am hoping to get enough courage to step into the boxing ring tomorrow and don the head gear and mouthguard and do a bit of sparring. I was going to do it last week but chickened out the last moment. lol

Thursday results- and my first pound lost

Yesterday's results
calories in: 1112
Calories out: 2658
Daily deficit:1546
Weekly total deficit: 4828

Well as of yesterday I have surpassed the 3500 calorie burned mark, which should make me down one pound. Since when I step in the scale my weight is down 4lbs I would assume that either 3 of those 4 lbs is water weight or the body bugg is totally inaccurate and I am burning way more calories than what it says I'm burning. No matter, I have been eating well, not really hungry at all, and I have not had a binge episode all week (or even thought about binging to be perfectly honest)

I'm still waiting for my binge eating books to arrive. I am looking forward to reading more about this. It would seem to me that I almost *want* to be able to label myself as a binge eater. I have been thinking about it and I think if I could put a label on myself, admit that I have an illness called binge eating, it would free me from the shame, guilt, and self loathing I have felt for not being able to lose weight. I don't even know if that makes much sense, but I am going to figure this out. I've said it before, this is the missing link to becoming a healthy weight, I am going to get there (and stay there this time)

Daily results - and an update

Yesterday's results
calories in: 1668
Calories out: 2063
Daily deficit: 395
Weekly total deficit: 3282

Today was a good workout day. 90 minutes first thing this morning, and then 30 minutes tonight - calorie burn should be around 2700 which is pretty much on track with what I'm looking for.

I am feeling a bit tired today though. I will get to the gym tomorrow and do a bit of a walk and then hit the pool for a 30 minute swim. Focus, Focus, Focus.

Daily track

Yesterday's results
calories in: 1192
Calories out: 2596
Daily deficit:1404
Weekly total deficit: 2492

So by the end of today, my deficit will add up to a 1 lb weight loss. I think maybe I need to actually see the numbers in front of me, rather than the points system used for w.w. Hmmmm at least I am once again focused on weight loss.

Yesterday I (me who does not do veggies very well) made baby bok choy to go with my salmon and rice. I also roasted a butternut squash and had some of that too. Oh and I bought a new fruit (new to me)called a dragon fruit. It was really good!

I do feel like I am going through some withdrawal symtoms today though. I feel a bit tired, have a massive headache and just feeling achy all over. I hope this is from the sugar withdrawal.

I didn't make it to the gym this morning, but I will try to get in there tonight to at least walk on the treadmill. My body is sore from TRX training yesterday, and tomorrow I will be doing circuit training, and my very first spin class tomorrow night.(thanks for the little nudge Tanya!)

Switching gears a bit

Yesterday's results
calories in: 1140
Calories out: 2228
Daily deficit"1088
Weekly total deficit:1088

I have been spinning my wheels for quite some time now and decided to cancel my w.w. memebership. I have been doling out $50.00 a month and haven't been to a class in months nor have I been using the on-line tracker.

I am going to try an simplify things and see where that takes me. I have joined the Live Strong site, which has a great format for tracking food and exercise and I also pulled out my body bugg again to track calories burned. I am simply tracking calories in vs calories out and see if I can get my weight loss started again.

I've also done some research into binge eating disorder and ordered some books that deal with this, so I hope to put into words some thoughts about this once I start reading.

I know there is a way to break through whatever barrier is keeping me from losing weight, I just need to figure it out already...

Self doubt, PMS and some awesome news

So today is Friday which has become my favourite day of the week. Not only is it the final day of the work week but it is also BOXING DAY for me at the gym.

So today I arrived late, so did not have time to do my recomended 60 minutes of cardio prior to my Personal Training session. This was mistake #1. My trainer was pissed mainly because I was late on Wednesday as well and we didn't work out on Monday, so I have been lacking in the cardio department and he has worked very hard over the last month to increase my cardio.

Anyway we start our boxing session and he was unusually quiet today. I am thinking he was mad at me and all kinds of self doubt crept into my mind. Fear that I am failing him, letting him down - letting ME down. Now add to the mix the fact that I am PMS'ing and I generally don't get bitchy, I get weepy-lol. Fast forward to round three, I failed to keep my gloves in front of my face and BAM, I got punched in the nose. Now it hurt, but not that badly, but at that moment all my self doubt, fear of failure, and fear that I was just no good overwhelmed me and I broke out in tears. Finally, I pulled myself together and got back into it and finished the boxing portion of the session...

I hit the mats to finish my core training (sit up) session when my trainer was standing over me and said that I just completed my absolute BEST boxing session yet! WTF!!! ! I know there is a lesson buried in here somewhere but I have yet to figure out what it is.

Oh and the awesome news that next week is the grand re-opening of the gym that I go to. Thay have been renovating for about 6 mos now. My trainer asked me to come in next week for the grand opening as he wanted to "showcase" my kickboxing. I'm not quite sure what this will entail but I do know that I am pretty darn excited (and nervous) to go and fight in front of a group of random people..... Hopefully I will inspire someone to take a chance, to stand up to their fears and go for it.

"You either move toward something you love or away from something you fear. The first expands. The second constricts."

Drive by posting

Just wanted to document something new I did at the gym yesterday. My trainer promised it would make me feel really, strong. And it did. I started with a 5lb hand weight and basically what you do is start in a squat position and pull the weight up in the air, over your head, arm straight, while you go into a lunge position and then straighten up so that you are holding your arm(and the weight) straight up and standing straight up. I was struggling to get the motion down when I realized that the 5lb dumb bell was the problem.... was it too heavy????? Nope, it was light as a feather- lol That was a real eye opener for me.

So we increased the weight to 20 lbs and I did a set of 5 with each arm. Then increased the weight to 30lbs and did a set of 5 with each arm. THEN increased the weight to 35lbs and did a set of 5 with each arm. Over the next few weeks I will work my way up to 45lbs. That is just crazy (but in a good way). I will try and get some photos next week to add them to my blog.

Friday I box :)

Oh what a difference a couple of years makes

Today I am going to try out a new gym with a friend of mine. Now this is a womans boxing club that is co-ed on the certain days, and my friend is one of the few men that take advantage of this. So I have been wanting to get down there for a while now and it seems today is the day. I have been boxing(and kickboxing) with my trainer once a week for pretty much the whole two years I have been training with him and realized that I am sort of in a comfort zone at my gym. I pretty much know all of the faces that are there and don't feel nervous in the least. This morning I sit here, feeling excited about going, a little bit nervous, which is natural, but not feeling that paralyzing fear that I used to feel.

Below is my blog entry from Jan 2009 when I walked into my gym for the first time. Going back and reading these entries, is always a reminder of how much I have changed. There is still lots of work to be done, but this after all a journey, not a race.
http://journeytofindtherealme.blogspot.com/2009/01/taking-chance.html

Wild and Wonderful workout

WOW is all I can say.

Today I warmed up with a half hour of run/walk intervals, incline walking and then the stationary bike, followed by stretching. Then is was time to work.

I had two different fitness challenges to complete. the first was three sets that panned out like this:

- 80 squats, jump on a machine and do 50 pull ups, followed by 40 push downs, off the machine, grab the skipping rope and do 100 skips.

- 60 squats, 40 pull ups, 30 push downs, then 100 skips

- finally 40 squats, 30 pull ups, 20 push downs, then 100 skips

the next challenge was as follows;

- 60 sit ups, 100 skips
-40 sit ups, 80 skips
-20 sit ups, 60 skips
-10 sit ups, 40 skips

I was a big ball of sweat when I was done, completely exhausted, but at the same time I felt amazing and strong and athletic, and PROUD.

Friday I box :)

St Jacobs market

Spent the day at St. Jacobs market today. The weather is finally changing and it is getting warmer. It was nice to spend the day out with friends in the sunshine with lots of laughter. Exercise is going well. My arms and back and shoulders are tight today after an amazing boxing session yesterday. I am getting stronger, I can feel it. Food wise. I suck! nuff said.

Toronto Juno awards

So yesterday afternoon, I found myself standing outside of the ACC in downtown Toronto. My Niece was part of a flash mob that took part in a red carpet performance by Shawn Desmond (I think that's his name). So it was freezing cold and I stood there with my sister for about 4.5 hours we had a laugh and a half. Plus we saw some great Canadian music icons. I only knew the old peeps though.... Getty Lee and Alex Lifeson from Rush, Bareneaked Ladies, Neil Young, Blue Rodeo, Brian Adams all passed withing 20feet of me.... I even managed to lock eyes with Drake - lol

Here is my Juno picture:

Tales from the gym.

today I was doing a new weightlifting move. I have attached a video of me doing the easier version. When I hit the floor, my knees are on the floor and I push out in front of me. After doing this 20 times, my trainer asked me to do an advanced version, so when you get to the ground you don't put your knees on the floor, you just push out into a push up position, then actually do a push up. So I tried it once, did it well, got a little cocky, and then it happened. I was doing good until my arms got sore, and when I got into the push out position on the floor, my arms got tangled under my body, my hip bone got smashed into the dumbell and my legs went flying in the air, and I did a face plant. In fact I think I have rug burn on my cheek.... I think I'm too old for this shit! haha

Dinner Challenge

Out tonight with some girls from work and I was a bit worried about trying to find something low carb. I ended up having a brutal day, missed breakfast, had a tiny Greek salad and a piece of salmon for lunch, so I wasn't too worried about dinner. I ended up getting a lunch item (enchaladas, with black beans, chicken, cheese) and a small side salad, oh and a margarita....(lol, it was cheap margarita night) Not really a low carb night, but I was still within my points and didn't leave feeling bloated and gross either. Now I have no dinners for the next few weeks, yay.

Workout pictures

I have been wanting to get some photos of my workouts, but have not been able to get any... until now that is. My trainer took some pics of me doing TRX training. I should add that in the push up position, I actually had to do pushups, and in the other position I was doing rows.... really tough, but a great workout. Notice how hight the bar is off of the ground. It was hard just to get up into that position, harder to hold the position, and crazy hard to do a push up

Pre-cooked meals-

I have come to the conclusion, (ok so maybe I have finally admitted to myself, that I am lazy when it comes to meals). I live alone so it's not like anyone else is depending on me for dinner. On top of that I don't get home from work until 7:00, and I'm just not going to get started on preparing a fresh, healthy dinner. I have been struggling to try and change my habits, but it has been leading to failure more often than not.

The last few weeks I am trying a different approach. I basically have been spending most of Sunday shopping for ingredients and preparing meals for the week. For now it feels right. It's nice to not have to think about food all week long. I make 2 main dishes and 1 breakfast choice and then just swap it out all week.

This weekend I made a baked pesto chicken (a bit high in points, but good), breakfast casserole(in the oven right now), a big Greek salad, and one more entre yet to be determined. I am doing a two week detox from carbs, so there are no carbs in my diet this week.

Here is the breakfast casserole:

And here is the pesto chicken:

Hopefully this will make things a bit easier, all I have to do is grab and go, no thought required :)

Boo :)

Wow time sure does fly.

Time has certainly gotten away from me these last few months. I started a new job at work (covering a mat leave for 1 year) which I absolutely love but it has taken up a lot of time and energy. I realized that I started putting less time into ME and putting too much time into work.

My diet has been a bit unrestricted over the last few months. Last week I had a weigh in at the gym and weighed in at 240, so I while I haven't made any progress, at least I have remained the same weight wise. I have continued to work out hard and have fallen into a routine of working out for two hours on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, sleeping in on Tuesday and Thursday and then getting in some sort of activity at least one day on the weekend. This has been working for me so far.

I have officially signed up for a sprint triathlon on September 4 of this year. Swim- 750m, bike 20k, run 5k..... I am going to try to put as much effort into training for this as I have put into my job for the last 3 months.

I will try and post more often. I know I always do better when I am posting.

weigh in

I weighed in yesterday morning and was hoping to get back into the high 230's but alas TOM messed me up. I did manage to lose 1 pound, so not to bad. Today my weight showed down another 4 pounds, now that TOM is over but it usually will go up a pound or so in the next few days. My weight fluctuates so badly it's not funny. Everything is is plugging along... start training for my new job this week, my knee and back are finally healing after two weeks of brutal workouts, hoping to straighten out some other areas of my personal life this week so that I can fully and completely focus on my weight loss.

*sigh* why does this have to be so hard sometimes!

Movie- The Kings Speech

Well I was trying to put off seeing this at the theatre but ended up going to see it yesterday. It's the story of King George VI who was a stutterer. I knew it would be a an emotional trip because I would be re-living just how hard life has been for my Nephew. He is 27 now and has stuttered since he was 4 or 5. It broke my heart to watch the fear and humiliation that he went through. It was also uplifting and the speech therapist who treated him was amazing. It was so weird to hear them name characteristics of people who stutter: mostly males(check), mostly left handed(check), often knock kneed (check), usually starts stuttering at age 4 or 5 (check), often has some sort of traumatic experience (ummm father committing suicide - double check).

There was also a part that mentioned that if the stutterer had someone speaking the same words at the same time(think two people reading the same line of a poem together) they wouldn't stutter. Well this part of the movie had me bawling uncontrollably.

I have been looking into a new aid that is basically like a hearing aid that makes the stutterer hear their own voice, at a different pitch in their ear. Apparently it creates that 2nd person speaking in unison and tricks the brain into not stuttering.

This used to only be available from a Dr. in NYC, but I have now found that there is a Dr. in a city an hour away that fits patients with it..... Before I mention it to my Nephew I want to talk to my Dad and sisters to make sure we are able to afford it, it cost about 4-5k, but I am sooooooo excited. To think that in a few weeks, he could speak without a stutter just gives me goose bumps. Please do me a fovour and keeps your fingers crossed, or say a prayer that this device works for Jay.... thanks.

Something is really bothering me

"Don't you dare think about quitting" Biggest loser quote

I have written that the intensity of my workouts have been increased in the last few weeks. Last Monday I did a weight cycle for my upper arms, shoulders, and back. I woke up in the very early morning in extreme muscle pain. I have been sore before, but this was almost unbearable, make you cry, pain. The pain was the same in both arms so I know I wasn't injured, just sore. This pain did not go away completely until Friday.

On Wednesday, I did a weight cycle for my lower body, and so on Thursday I woke up and was sore from head to toe basically. The other thing is that I have been running on the treadmill 1.5 miles before each workout, which is doing a number on my knees.

By the time Friday came around, I was tired from not sleeping properly, and also sore. I did my 1.5 mile run and then it was time to start my boxing workout. The long and the short of it was that I sucked, totally sucked, I was slow, and couldn't punch and I was doing a lot of foot work which was hurting my knees. My trainer was upset with me. Basically he said I am not working out hard enough and I am unable to do certain things because I am too heavy. I was sooooo upset. I was thinking that I was working so hard, especially the last two weeks. It was just a huge blow to my spirit.

Yesterday morning I woke up, most of the muscle soreness was gone, but my lower back was killing me, and both of my knees were swollen and sore. I spent most of the day with ice packs on my knees and back and was popping advil.

The thing is, I think my trainer is right. I do work out hard, but I only go 3 times a week, perhaps he sees that I am capable of more. I know for sure that my weight is hurting me. I need to work 100% harder on dropping some weight.

So today, I am sucking it up, I am going to buy a brace for my knees so I have some extra support. I am going to lower my carb intake this week and go to the gym every day.

No more excuses, no more feeling sorry for myself, and no more binging.

NOTE: I have no resentment at all to what my trainer said, he spoke only the truth, it was as if he said what my inner self has been saying to me all along.

Ha ha, a model in the making...

So my friends convinced me to send my photos in for the plus size photo session. Now this is not for a change in career or anything, it is simply a photographer who is doing a series on plus size woman and is asking for volunteers. If I was to get some great FREE professional photos taken of me, and that is all that comes of it, that's great. Now I was in a big rush and really have no idea what you are supposed to send as a face shot or body shot, so here is what I sent. I actully didn't cringe at my full body shot which is a miracle in itself... haha

Not too bad I suppose...

On a final note, I had my interview today and it went fantastically well...... I should know by the end of the week if I got the job.... Fingers crossed please.