Sunday, January 31, 2016

It got real...... real fast.

On the eve of starting month number 2 of the year, I am thinking about the goals I have set and more particularly my trip in May, where I decided on a whim to order 3 bikin's to wear on my trip.  I am currently wearing a size 18 and bought size 14.  I still think I might be too big to wear them but I am hoping.  Anyway, I got them this week and I tried them on... one top just simply does not fit.  but the others do.... I have stayed away from this blog because I made the decision to post the pics as my before pics, but have been terrified to post them.  Any way, here goes nothing......

Weigh in day

have been struggling with food yet again.  Not beating myself up about it because I have not been eating horribly, just not on the no carb plan.  The result is that my weight has started to fluctuate again... \I was up 6 pounds on my scale on Monday morning and currently show 3 pounds up.  I know this is water weight, as I didn't over eat enough for this to be fat.  I fell back into my old fast food go to meal on Friday.  After being disappointed on a first date I found myself at a McDonalds drive through at 2:00 in the morning!  Still for the month of January 1 have eaten fast food 2x, (the second time was on Saturday when I had a subway meatball sub!).

I am going to start tracking my days without (carbs, fast food etc) as I find that helps me visualize my accomplishments. 

So my weigh in this morning puts me at 277.01  pounds which is a total loss of pounds since the beginning of the year.  I will do one last non official weigh in on the first of the month to see what my total lost for the month.  

I have somehow tricked myself into believing that eating carb free means it's ok to eat high fat..... ummm it's not... need to do better next month.  goal is 20lbs. and goal weight is 257.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

A moment in time

just home from workout #4 in two days with my new trainer Matt.  This was all shoulders and arms and I killed it.....

I had forgotten that he is a 22 year old kid who is in his last year of college and has no experience actually dealing with clients.  Tonight on my last exercise we had a chance to chat a bit, and I told him about me, my life before I started working out, my fear of judgment from others when I first came to the gym, how every aspect of my life has changed since I started working out, and how I felt like I needed to work on alllll of the other fucked up parts of my life before I could get to the weigh loss part of my journey. 

He was touched by my story.  He actually had tears in his eyes and said he was so touched and so happy to hear my story.  I told him to take some time to notice people who are overweight at the gym  who are obviously new (not just overweight people, but people who do not fit the norm).  \I told him that if they are anything like I was, they are terrified.  They don't look up and try not to catch anyone's eye, they are terrified that someone will notice they can only do the elliptical for 2 minutes before gasping for air, afraid of having someone laugh or make fun of them.  I know that feeling so well.  The fact that I have always felt accepted to the trainers, and many of the gym goers really made a difference in my life, and I wanted him to see that by training someone he needed to look at more than just their form, or the number of reps, or the scale. 

Anyway, we found a bond tonight and we are gonna kick ass together.  He will help me get lean, and I hope I will be able to give him some skills that he can use once he graduates.  The tools that will help him rise above the trainers who don't see the whole picture. 

Right now I am grateful for having so many people in my life that want to help me, and thankful that there are only about 20 steps to get to my bed, from where I am right now.  I am exhausted. 

Monday, January 25, 2016

Let the pain begin

started a double workout with Matt today.... first up at 6:30 a.m where we did a circuit : 300m on the rower (modified), 15 ball slams, 15 ball throws (into the air) 20 kettle bell shoulder lift. then trx training.... tonight was arm and shoulder weights and stretching.  Tomorrow is boxing in the a.m and weights in the p.m.  its going good but I am exhausted, until I get used to this schedule.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Why is this so hard all of a sudden

NEED to stay away from the crack carbs today. 

Managed to do a really low weight leg set last night, and this morning my knee is hurting a bit.... *sigh*

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

First Workout.

Did my first workout with Matt tonight. He seems like a great guy and was really good at explaining proper form etc.  Tonight was a benchmark workout and we will measure my progress in 12 weeks against tonight's workout.

bike - level 1 - 13 one minute each
squats - couldn't really do them because of knee
seated cable row - up to 120lbs ( 10 reps)
lateral pull downs - up to 140 lbs (10 reps)
push ups (woman's) 25
plank - 25 sec

needed to write this down so I can practice this routine myself....

EDIT:  just to come clean about my day yesterday, I cheated again yesterday on mini ritz crackers.  I got away with it on Monday, so figured I would try again, except this time I ate two snack tubs instead of 1, the scale is up 0.5lbs this morning. 

Today I will not cave!  Also of note, I did not crave carbs, I just WANTED to eat this. My head wanted it not my body

Tiny slip

weight loss 13.6 lbs
                 Days in Ketosis 0 (previously 13 days)
                 Days carb/sugar free : 0  (previously 15 days|)
                 Days fast food free 20

I had a weak moment yesterday.  I ate 2 chocolates, and 3 servings of mini oreo cookies.  I felt sick for the rest of the afternoon,  both physically and mentally.  But, I have gotten over it now.  So the fall out is this morning I am no longer in ketosis, but strangely, my weigh dropped 1.5 lbs over night.  Hmmmm now I did work out last night so that may have something to do with the drop, but I feel like I dodged a bullet and I got right back on track after the slip up which never happens. Gonna take this as a learning experience and move on.

In other news I met my new trainer last night.  Matt is his name and I think we will get along great. It was a bit odd walking around the gym with two trainers .  I imagined I was a top notch athlete with my team surrounding me.  lol  We did a bit of an overview, what I am capable of(he was impressed with how much weight I lift) and also what exercise I like/don't like, limitations etc.  This is all new to me as I am not really good at opening up and putting my complete trust in someone.  I will be giving feedback to my original trainer and the manager of the trainers and hopefully help this kid get a full time job at the gym and a good start in his career. 

I had a really nice heart to heart with my trainer B.J. as well.  I've trained with him for 6 or 7 years now and I'm not exaggerating when I say he has saved my life.  I have learned so much from him over this time, both about fitness, and probably more importantly about learning about me, and my self worth, about finding ways to fix myself, my body and my mind.  He has been a mentor, and  a trainer, and a really, really, good friend.  He recently got hired as a firefighter which is his lifelong dream.  I am so proud of him and what he has been able to accomplish in his young life. 

Last night he asked me what my long term goals are.  He is planning on leaving the gym in September.  I knew it was coming but I was briefly devastated.  BUT.... he is planning on continuing on at the gym that he trains at. It is super cool and super respected boxing gym and I think I am going to join in September.  In the 7 years I have been working out I have fallen head over heels with boxing and I cannot let it go from my life.  His gym is a martial arts/boxing gym, and I can still maybe do some personal one on one training with him there.  So my life is about to change in my 50th year.  The one thing I want to ensure is that I finish what I set out to do 7 years ago, and lose this weight!  So the next 8.5 months is really my last chance to finish what I started out to do and that is to get to my goal weight, and be fitter and healthier than I've ever been in my life, and I need to do this for Matt, for B.J, and most of all for me!  It's go time.....

Monday, January 18, 2016

Monday Morning

weight loss 12.2 lbs
                 Days in Ketosis 13
                 Days carb/sugar free : 15
                 Days fast food free 19

No weight change over the weekend, but not surprisingly, no exercise either.  Had a pretty slow weekend, but did manage to get all my food prep done for the week.  Slightly frustrated that my weigh is not going down.  especially when it seems to go up so frigging fast.  Nonetheless, I am staying positive.  

With 13 days remaining in the month i do not have much hope in reaching my 20lb weight loss goal for this month but I am ok with that as well. Although I meet my new (2nd) trainer tonight so will be starting the extra workouts with him, which I'm hoping is good for another pound or two. at least.  I will also try to up my workouts to get some extra calorie burn in. We will see.  So proud of myself for my stats above.  19 days with no fast food is a huge accomplishment.  I spent Saturday with my Dad and his wife, and my Dad, authomatically took my visit as a reason for a celebration. He wanted to order Chinese food for lunch.  Coming from a man who was a body builder, and a cyclist as a younster, and has never had a weight issue, he doesn't understand the concept of dieting... lol.  He did for the first time ever ask what I could have from Chinese.  When I told him nothing, he told me to decide where to order from.  So I ordered a very healthy Greek food order.  I had the shish Kebab, and salad, and just didn;t eat the pita bread or the tzeziki (sp) sauce.  Feeling great about my choice.

one BIG thing is that I ordered 3 (yes 3) new swimsuits for my trip that is coming up in May.  The reason it's BIG, is that I ordered 3 BIKINI'S.  I have not worn a bikini since I was about 5 years old.... I currently wear a size 18 / 20 and bought the swimwear in a size 14.  So I need to get down to about 220lbs in order to fit into them. That is about 50 lbs in the next 3.5 months.  WHAT WAS I THINKING!  Here is what I ordered. 

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Mid month update

Of Note:  weight loss 12.2 lbs
                 Days in Ketosis 11
                 Days carb/sugar free : 13
                 Days fast food free 17

Moving along nicely. Feeling good about this now... getting the hang of what I can eat and making lots of recepies.  Almost feel like this could be an easy way of life to follow...  The biggest factor keeping me from binging is knowing I am in ketosis and if I eat carbs/sugar it will take me out of ketosis and will take 3 days to get back into this loveley fat burning zone.   After the initial 10lb loss, things have slowed up, but I know that the last couple of pounds at least are pure fat. There is no up and down on the scale, every morning it goes down by a couple of ounces.

This week I am going to stay away from weighing daily.  I finally got back to boxing last night. my knee injury is healing - it felt great!  Two personal training sessions this week and my trainer just waived me off when I tried to pay :"sign a sheet"  he has given me approx 10 free sessions recently. Next week I start with a second trainer..... will equate to 4 free sessions a week and 2 or 3 sessions with my regular trainer.  I feel blessed to have such an awesome team of people around me helping me do this.....

Off to get a hair cut.

Saturday, January 9, 2016

Slaving over a hot stove... :)

Today, I have spent a majority of the day prepping meals for the week.  All Poon approved (low carb, low fat, low sale)  I am determined to set myself up to succeed this coming week.  Going to run out tonight and pick up the balance of ingredients needed for a few more recipes to make tomorrow, and i am good to go.

Photos of Bourbon chicken thigh (still in the crock pot), Crack slaw (made with ground turkey) and egg mcmuffins.

Friday, January 8, 2016

Tough Day,

It was a tough day today, filled with so much temptation....

But I killed it.  Pasteries, a co-working telling me alllllll day how wonderful they were, so fresh, still warm, so darn good.  She knows I am trying so hard to stay on plan, yet she spend all day trying to de - rail my efforts.  I almost broke late this afternoon, but she came back to me one last time to mention there were still some left and they were so good.  THAT gave me the last little bit of resolve I needed.  I picked up the last remaining pasterie, sitting on the table behind me, and walked it down to the other end of the office and gave it to one of the staff.... told him to take it home and snack on the way home.  BAM.

Tonight I went to a friends place for dinner....She made a lovely pork roast, home cut french fries, and some rapini on the side.... I had the pork roast and rapini, and took a pass on the fries.  I did have a small glass of red wine, but that is it.... DAYUM.

So proud of myself.  this was the first time in a long time I made an active decision to stay on my program and that is a huge win!

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Of note

Last fast food - Dec 30 (8 days)
Sugar/carb free since Jan 4 (3 days)

day 4 is a motherfucker.   Want something sweet so badly.  Will not give in this time.  Had unsweetened cocoa powder.  5 sweeteners (did I mention I loathe the taste of sweetners) with a bit of cream.  Now going to bed. 

I am now fully in ketosis.... burning fat like the crazy woman I am lol.

Scared about tomorrow's challenge.  Fresh pastries for a team meeting.   Hurdle #1.   I will provide details of the outcome whether I succeed or fail. 

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

lets talk pain and sugar

two things that came to mind that I want to put down in writing.

The first is the pain. Something I rarely talk about but I dont' want to forget about.  I went from 278 down to 230 and recently back up to 287 lbs.  Once I hit the 280 mark my knees started to hurt and I found out I have arthritis in my one knee for sure, but likely in both.  Along wit the knee pain, I also am just stiff.  My feet ache as though I have walked a marathon, my ankles throb, my calves ache and I feel a constant stiffness in my thighs, and hips.  This is alllll weight related. My body simply cannot sustain carrying this much weight.  I had forgotten about the pain since I haven't experienced it for the last 5 years (while I maintained at the 230 to 250 range) .  I just don't ever want to forget about this pain, because once it's gone (I think in about 10lbs or so) I NEVER want to feel this pain again - unless of course its after completing a sprint triathlon or something similar.

The second thing is an observation, not even sure if I'm correct, so if anyone is reading this, your input is appreciated. I have been extremely tired these last two days.  Like can hardly  hold by head up tired.  I thought it was because I have gone back to work after being off for a few weeks and having crazy sleeping patterns.  But I realized that this is also my day 2 with no carbs and no sugar.  I am wonderin if this is the detox process.  Weaning myself off the sugar and carbs that is making me feel so freaking sluggish?  Hmmm something to ponder......

Do NOT be realistic

Saw this, this morning in a facebook post.  /The poster went from 265lbs to 130ish pounds and is now on the verge of becoming a pro boxer.  So inspired by this woman.

I have spent many years being told I am not realistic in life goals,,,, you can't, you shouldn't - why would you... have been words I've always heard. Is it realistic to lose 100lbs for someone who has been heavy their whole life - YES.  Is it realistic that a nearly 50 year old can box - HELL YES and is it realistic that a fat, nearly 50 year old woman can lift crazy weights and turn her body into that of a fine tuned athlete - FUCK YES!!!!

Today is day 2 back on my metabolic diet.  It's funny because I have been running to the bathroon constantly but haven't been drinking any more water than normal... Turns out my body was releasing all the water that has accumulated over the holiday's with all the bad food choices.  This morning I am down 7 of the lbs I was up over the holidays.

Feeling strong

Sunday, January 3, 2016

Prep day

Groceries are purchased, and prep work is about to begin.  

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Setting myself up for success.

Yesterday was a bit of a bust food wise.  I didn't have any healthy options in the house so I ended up eating a ton of carbs.

I know that the key to my success is planning my meals.  If I don't have healthy options, prepped or cooked and ready to go, I will fail.  I am not going to let that happen.

Just finished a grocery list and will head out shortly.  Will be trying 3 new recipes.  1 breakfast type option and two man meal options.  What I plan on doing is having my two "main meals" at breakfast and lunch, and then have the lighter "breakfast" type meal in the evening.  I will be working out 4 nights of the week with a trainer and I find it difficult to eat anything in the hours before I work out so I think this will work for me.  Who said breakfast has to be eggs or cereal anyway.  I will be rocking some beef and sczechwan beans for breakfast and egg muffins for dinner.  Whatever works right.

The basis of my Poon diet is very low carbs, low salt and low fat, so my food choices for this first phase are very restricted.  Lots of meat and leafy green options, vegetables but no dairy, fruit, carbs.  I did do a couple of weeks of this diet before Christmas and I dropped weight, so I am excited to get back on it and STAY on it.

4 months until my trip south.  I have no doubt that I will NOT be bikini ready in May, but I think I can at least get to a place where I feel comfortable on a beach.  Heading down for a destination wedding.  It's time to get back to where I was last year at this time, which is 50lbs less than i am right now.  230LBS IS MY GOAL WEIGHT FOR MY TRIP.