Monday ramblings

Well decided to post something other than pictures. I have not been motivated to write very much lately. Last week was brutal with process changes at work, and my workouts with my trainer have definitely reached a new intensity level. The good news is my knees are feeling much better, although not perfect.

Just a note that yesterday I went to visit my Dad for Fathers day. Now he is 73 yrs old and I am 43 years old but somehow when it comes to your parents you will always feel like a kid around them. Anyway, I have always had this need to make my father proud, and when I was doing the tri a few weeks ago I decided not to invite him to come watch me because a: I wasn't 100% sure I could do it. b) I was afraid he would say no, he was too busy (which would have killed me) or c) that he would come and be embarrassed of me. So it really is with delight that I write that he actually shed a few tears when I was telling him stories from my tri. Love it! He will definitely be coming to my next one in August.

On another note, my friend Helen, who also trains with the same trainer as me, and who did the Tri with me, went back home on the weekend to see her ailing Grandpa. Now this is a 6 hr drive north. She wrote to me on the Saturday, totally upset that she went to see him in the hospital, and all he could say was that she looked like she was 6 mos pregnant and she should ask for her money back because the personal training was not working. How can people be soooooooo horrible. My heart broke for her.

Anyway on to other news. I think I need to keep a bit of a note of what I am doing at the gym these days, so I can come back and review later.

Today:
-warm up was 0.5 miles on the treadmill - speed from 3mph(walk) up to 6mph(run) time was 6 mins, which is down from 7.5mins last week. Goal is 4 mins.

- working out the legs today. So I was on a leg press 185lbs 15 reps, then to a calf press, 15 reps (not sure the weight), then a leg curl 15 reps (quads) leg curl (back of thigh) 15 reps. I did this 4 times each, then had a break for 2 minutes and then did another set 4 times. At the end of the first set I was actually crying because the pain was so intense (I know, big baby- lol) but by the second set I got into the grove, focused and shut out the pain.

next came mat work, on my hands and knees I did leg raises - lots of them (about 40 or 50 reps on each leg)

next was abs, 20 crunches, 20 with my knees up, 20 full body sit ups, and 20 bicycles. followed by plank position for 30 secs.

DONE :)

Tomorrows goal: run 1 mile, walk on an incline for 1 mile, swim for 30 minutes.

Try a Tri next weekend

"Feel the fear - push through it - do it anyway"

I have been saying this to myself every day for the last two weeks. When I started working out with a trainer over a year ago, I told him my goal was to do the Milton try a tri in two years. Next weekend is the day...... and I am freaking!

I have always held on to a vision of what I would look like when I competed in the try a tri - strong, at goal weight and an athlete. So I have been struggling with the fact that while I am a lot stronger I am nowhere near my goal weight and am certainly not an athlete. I have so many fears going into this race, but for me, it has nothing to do with the physical part. I know I am capable of doing this race. For me it is about putting myself out there in front of a crowd of people to be judged. I have spent my entire life hiding from judgment about my weight and the thought of doing this has been making me physically ill for the last couple of weeks. Well, I have decided to just go for it - I am doing this for me, I fear that if I back out now, I will never do it, because I think that fear will always be there. I have one week to pull it all together and I have resigned myself to the fact that I cannot control what other people say or think, I can only do my best, and be proud of the person I am becoming.

Now on a more uplifting note - Yesterday, I went to the U.S. to do some shopping with two of my friends. One is a size 2 and one is about a 14 so we always have to split up and I would go to the plus section and they would go to the regular section. Well yesterday, they were looking for dresses for upcoming weddings so I was following them around and decided to try on a few gorgeous gowns just for shits and giggles. I wanted to see how close I was to wearing a size 16. The first one I tried on fit! Yay, it must have been a generous style, so I tried on the next one - yup it fit too..... I must have tried on about 20 dresses in size 16 and they all fit. I was just the most awesome feeling to shop with my friends - to all be in the dressing room together and all come out to show off our dresses. The downfall of this scenario is my friends were the ones looking for dresses, but didn't buy any and ummmmmmmmmm well I bought two simple dresses workstyle dresses! I also bought a fantastic pair of Oakley sunglasses to wear when I am working out outside, or biking or running.....

I am off for a bike ride and run now and then I am going to bootcamp this afternoon!

New week, new computer, new outlook

Wow, it has been a bit of a crazy week and I have not been around very much. I have been Detoxing all week, drinking a green drink all day and having a small bowl of pasta at night, this morning I am down 9.5lbs on the scale. The kicker is I am feeling more energetic than ever. Obviously, this is not something I would ever recommend to anyone to do, but it is working for me and since it is part of my journey I am blogging about it. My weight went up during the weeks that I was sick, partly because of not thinking about what I was eating and partly (perhaps)because of the medication I was taking - anyway my weight last Monday was 249lbs. I will do an official weigh in tomorrow, but this morning I was just into the 230's and I have been trying to get here for about a year so I was a happy girl this morning.

I finally went out and replaced my dinosaur of a computer yesterday. It has been dying a slow death all week so I finally retired it and got myself a laptop. I bought my old computer in 95, so yeah I got my monies worth with that computer. Still trying to figure out this new one though - it took hours to figure out how to move the cursor without a mouse*blush*

Only a few weeks until my try a tri at milton and I am getting nervous. I mt up with one of my trainers other clients at the gym yesterday and we did a run through of the tri - here are the distances and my times:

RUN: 1.5 miles - time 26 minutes
Bike: 10k -15 minutes
Swim: 375m - 11 minutes
total time = 52 minutes

Not the greatest, but not bad for my first run through. I really neeed to work on my running. Haven't run much since I hurt my knee, but I will get back at it this week. Same with the swimming.

Today is boot camp - Week 2 and it is a beautiful day outside. I am totally looking forward to it.

Found a wetsuit.

I am trying to find out information on doing a triathlon.... I follow a few blogs of triathletes who inspire me and also give me ideas on things to think about. So I do know that I will require a wetsuit when do I my try a tri in June, I am assuming the water on the lake will be very cold. I have been thinking about what I will wear and quite honestly the wet suit part is the most worrysome, just because the womens suits only go up to a size 12 or 14 and that might not fit me by June. So I found a web site with awesome plus size wet suits and well, I feel relieved. It is actually quite nice too. Here is a pic:


Anyway, not much else going on..... still suffering with back and knee issues, which I am working out with osteo visits..... still plugging away at this whole getting healthy thing.... both physically and emotionally.

Reality Check

I was playing around on-line last night and was checking out the Subaru triathlon series website and...... registration is open for the 2010 triathlon series.... This probably should not be a big deal, but to me it signifies that we are getting closer to June 6, which is the day that I will be doing my first ever try a tri. I literally broke out in a sweat.... it is 3 months away. The thing is, I know I am capable of finishing it, it's not that long of a race.... my problem lies in opening myself up to be judged amongst a bunch of lean athletic people(even though I know on some level that I am not nearly important enough to be the star attraction).

I have been asking..... no begging family and friends to make sure they are around to come out and support me, because quite honestly, to have any shot of finishing this race I will need all the support I can get....

Last night I was dreaming I was running the tri, and I was wearing a t-shirt that said "Don't laugh at me - Cheer for me" on the front, and on the back it said "Fat girls have to TRI harder"

LOL, I just keep repeating to myself "I believe, I believe, I believe"

(another) New plan

I have been reading an hearing about clean eating for some time now and I recently bought and have been reading the book Clean Eating Recharged. I think I am far enough into the book now that I can make some changes to my diet this week. There is a lot of talk about things (mostly grains- I think) that I have never heard of or am not sure how available they are (bee pollen as a sweetener?) but I will incorporate some of the ideas into my plan this week and then slowly work my way into it. Some of the changes I am incorporating this week:

- eating every 3 hours (for me this will mean 8:00, 11:00, 2:00 5:00 and 8:00 on most days)

- eat a protein and a complex carb at every meal (oatmeal, and an egg white for example)

- drink a large glass of water before each meal (my goal is 500ml before each meal, or 2.5L per day)

- exercise at least 30 minutes EVERY day this week.

- only one cup of coffee per day, with no cream of sugar.

That is as far as I have gotten in the book, but even making these changes I think will make a big difference not only in my weight loss efforts but in my energy levels as well.

This week will be a challenge in that tomorrow night I am going out for dinner, and Wednesday, lunch is being catered at work, but I will do my best to comply with the rules I have set out above.

I feel like I am spinning my wheels a bit as we get closer to June and the try a tri.... I am actually contemplating doing a mini duathlon instead just so I don't have to wear a swimsuit (or wetsuit) in public!

Brutal Workout with a great lesson learned

Wow, yesterday was boxing day at the gym. Now I always look forward to Fridays workout because I have found a love of boxing and more particularly Muay Thai, or kickboxing as it is also known. I feel so strong when I am doing this workout and so energized when I am done. Well this Friday, my trainer decided to kick it up a notch..... or 30! I was on the bike doing my normal warm up when I saw him coming through the gym, kick pads in hand along with...... oh no the dreaded 30lb weighted vest. So i spent the next 40 minutes struggling through a boxing session (no kicking as I am resting an injured knee at the moment). When I say struggled I really do mean struggled, I was absolutely exhausted. When I was done doing that, I had a quick sip of water and it was off to the stair climber to do 10 floors wearing the vest. I seriously thought I was going to pass out it was so hard. After I struggled through 10 floors, my trainer took the vest off of me and asked me to do one more floor, and then asked me how it felt. It was so much easier and much less painful on my legs I could hardly believe the difference.

The point of this exercise was for me to see not only how far I have come, but also to see how much further I will progress by knocking off another 30 lbs. There is a little voice in the back of my head that keeps saying "imagine what you will be able to do when you get to your goal weight of 150 lbs" which is the equivelent of shedding 3 of those vests.

Hmmmm, I think I am having an "Ah ha" moment. For the first time ever rather than fearing my first ever try a tri in June, I am motivated to lose as much of those 3 weighted vests as possible, and kick the tri's ass, and the best part is that I actually think that I can and I will!

Booya, I Bought a Bodybugg

I have wanted one of these things for such a long time. I have longingly watched the Biggest Loser contestants wearing them and making a statement, to me it it yelling out the the world - I am fat, and I am getting fit - and just because I'm fat, doesn't mean I should be ashamed to do so...... ok so it doesn't really say all of that to me, it's just what I think about at the thought of wearing the armband all day long and what people will think.

So anyway, yes I bought it and can't wait to get it. It was totally expensive, way out of my price range, but I turned down two trips to the Caribbean this fall plus my scheduled car maintenance was actually quite a bit less than I thought it would be, so I splurged and bought it brand new on e-bay..... Merry Christmas to me and hopefully thinner I will be....... 7 mos until I have to squeeze myself into a wet suit to do a try - a - tri, and I need to lose minimum 50 lbs, but more likely 70lbs...... I think I may need to cut off my left leg in order to make that happen, but never say never is my new motto.

Onward and downward

Reverse Tri

Just wanted to write down the results of my first tri workout.... we did the triathlon events in reverse so i didn't have to swim first then run through the gym in a wet bathing suit- lol.

run on the treadmill - 1 mile took 14.5 minutes
bike at level 5 (then down to 4) 5 km took about 15 minutes
swim - didn't really do any major swimming, just some arm and leg exercise to work on my stroke.

Not bad for a first try (a tri- lol)

Today, I slept in so no gym for me, and I have weigh in tomorrow, so I have to be really good to just break even from last weeks weight- Arrrrrgh, darn lasagna and beer!