Tis the season

aStruggling a little bit right now.... Christmas week and while I have fallen off the Poon diet, I have not been nearly as bad as I would normally have been.  My weight is up about 5lbs this morning from where I was at my last weigh in.  Mostly water retention I would imagine.

Today i am getting back in gear. Reading up on the Dr Poon. diet information again, to make sure i fully understand what i can/ and cannot eat.  Going to clear out my kitchen cupboards today and get rid of everything that is not Poon friendly.

I have also picked up a copy of a cognitive therapy book which I will start reading (and doing the exercises) in the New Year.  I also took some "before" pictures that are very revealing of my body fat issue at the moment and quite frankly I am afraid to post them here..... Still thinking about whether or not to go with full disclosure or not.... we'll see

All in all, I am feeling good.  If I could get rid of the knee pain, I know I would be doing much better.  I know I am about 10lbs away from being pain free, so I just need to bite the bullet and push myself to try and lose this amount quickly and then get on with normal, healthy weight loss.

It's all coming together.

Let the festivities begin...

tough weekend.  Had a Christmas dinner saturday, and a friend over for dinner Sunday.  Didn't do too bad by any means.  Saturday, my food choices consisted mainly of meat and veg, with a tiny bit of stuffing, and penne.  I did not have any dessert, but I did have two small glasses of red wine, and two shots of honey jack, when I got home.

Sunday, I ate rice crackers and asiagio dip, made a poon friendly low carb meal of zucchini boats stuffed with buffalo chicken, and I have about 2.5 glasses of wine, and two servings of fat free, sugar free pudding.

I am feeling bloaty and gross today, but more likely because of TOM than anything.  Going to make the rest of this week very good, and cut myself a tiny bit of slack on Christmas day.

Other things:   Had a fantastic massage last night... feel 100% better this morning, and had a fantastic sleep last night....  also heard that a friend of mine who struggles immensely with her weight, has agreed to get help for her issues by accepting a gift of hypnosis therapy.  She had wanted to reach out and get help because she saw me writing about my experience with hypnosis on facebook.  I have been pretty open about my struggles with my weight mainly for two reasons..... to remove the stigma that is attached to being overweight and to be real about my struggle with weight, and secondly, to perhaps inspire someone else to try to make changes in their life, or at the very least to step out of the shadows and lose the shame associated with being overweight.  I was absolutely thrilled to hear that I may have touched her in a tiny way, and I'm even more thrilled that she is seeking out the help that she needs to make herself healthy again.  

Dr. Poon. Weigh in #1

Weigh in number one was this morning.  I was down 8.9 lbs and my new weight is 277.6.

8.9 down

117.6 to go

The gift

Just re-read yesterdays post and talked about my trainer and how amazing he is..... He really is the gift that just keeps on giving.

Last night we went through our normal weight training.  Arms and shoulders.  He told me some amazing news, he will be a mentor to a new trainer beginning in January and for 14 weeks thereafter.  The amazing thing is that he his going to have this guy train me 2x a day (7 times a week) along with with my normal three workouts with my regular trainer.  OMG, i will have personal training twice a day, 5 days a week, most of which will be free!!!!  For the whole 14 weeks.

I am going to push push push myself. This is the chance of a lifetime and I am going to grab it and run (well not literally, until my knees are better)

Back later after weigh in.

Going Strong

Still plugging along.  I did a quick weigh in this morning at work and my weight is showing as 281.6, which is 8.5lbs less than the last time I weighed in on this scale (it weighs heavier that that official scale at the clinic).  Feeling motivated by that.

The knee pain is starting to diminish slightly, which is a great thing.  I truly believe that once I get under 170, the pain will go away.  This has happened before.  i took the first week of this diet off from the gym, but was back at it last night.

So I have been with my personal trainer for 6 years (I think).  He is one of my best friends and I trust him more than I trust anyone in my life.  When I started with him I was dying, I hated myself, I had not been looking after my health (not been to a Dr in years and years) and I had zero self confidence.  When I joined the gym I bought a personal training package on a whim but then was terrified about going.  I had made the decision to not go through with the sessions, but BJ called me about 3 times. I finally agreed to come in for the consultation and that was the beginning of a brand new life.

I started out basically walking in a straight line for my entire session, doing high knee walking, and unable to catch my breath.  He made me face all of me fears head on.... and in the 5 good years before last summer when I had a relapse I went from that unhealthy, non confident, unhappy woman.  to a relatively healthy, super confident, amazingly happy athlete.  I did a triathlon, I climbed a 144 story building, I did a 5k.  I became an avid mountain biker, a power lifter and a boxer.  I WILL GET BACK TO THAT BY THE END OF FEBRUARY. That is my goal.

Anyway as you can see, the gym has become a big part of my life and I have given up many things in my life to pay the 6k per year it costs to have a trainer.  But it's been worth every single penny.

Sooooo looking forward to my weigh in on Thursday morning.....

Monday Morning - Keep it going.

Heading into Monday after a good weekend under my belt.  Generally it's the other way around, I do well during the day and fall apart on the weekend.

Made a sheppards pie with carbquik yesterday.  Very low carb content.  I am still finding it difficult to wrap my head around eating "rich" food.  Heavy cream mixed with the carbquick and eggs and ground beef.  Mind you it was a small amount of cream that was used, but still.... I've spent the last 6 years cutting back on anything that I deemed to be NOT healthy.  The thing is that didn't work for me, so for now I am keeping an open mind.  I went grocery shopping yesterday and had no desire to pick up a bag of doritos.... also a first for me in the last 6 years.

I must say I have been sugar free for 2 days now and feel really great about that.  I think I have finally given into the fact the sugar is my crack,  There is no place for it in my life,

Ok, My goal for today is to try and manage my stress today at work and make sure that it is not managed with food.  I also need to ensure I drink water.  Need to continue to flush my kidneys with water before going back to the Dr.in January.  On that note, I am hoping that my trainers explanation with regard to the kidney test is accurate.  A blood test looks for creatinine (sp) levels to test for kidney function, the higher the level, the less your kidneys are functioning.  My trainer has been pushing my hard with the weights in the last few months.  Heavy weights, and lots of sets.  Generally more muscle mass causes your creatinine level to increase in your system.  I am hoping this explains my increased levels.  My Dr. (or anyone else) would never suspect by looking at me that I am lifting this kind of weight. i did mention working out but again I'm sure she would never have imagined that my muscle mass would be elevated to a point that my creatinine level would be so high.  Anyway, not going to worry too much about this, if I need to go to a kidney specialist to check into this further, then so be it.....

The never ending journey

Well, it is time to dust off my blogger page and try again..... sigh I have been here many times before, trying something new, full of excitement, and hope and determination that "this" will work.

This time is a little different for a really important reason but let me back up just a little bit. I was doing so well, 6 years into my journey to find the real me, I was down to a relatively fit 235 lbs, my confidence was soaring, my dating life was pretty good, and I was killing it in the gym 6 days a week, lifting crazy weights and boxing - not just boxing, but sparring - REAL boxing. I was so proud of myself.

Last August I was going to do a biggest loser run in Pennsylvannia and ended up tweaking my back shortly before leaving.... I went anyway and after spending hours and hours sitting in a car as well as walking around Pittsburgh for two days straight, I was in no shape to run a 5k.  I made the decision to complete it anyway, and I walked, very slowly the entire 5k.  I felt good for doing it but it caused MAJOR problems for my back issues and put me out of commission for nearly 2 months.  At the end of that month, I by change found out that a guy I had been dating casually (he said he was not interested in being in a serious relationship)  was in fact IN a serious relationship.  We were not dating at this time, but very much still connected and it hit me very VERY hard.  The third thing was that my already busy job became busier when the other manager at work moved on to another position and it was decided that they wouldn't replace her, I would simply take on management of the entire department!

These three things created the "perfect storm" and I basically checked out and numbed my pain, both physical and emotional, and my stress with food.  And so began a full year and a half of eating out of control.  Of course none of the food helped with any of my problems and I now find myself just shy of 50lbs heavier than I was last August but the weight gain alone is not what pushed me to try again. I played ball on my nieces baseball team in October, and while I didnt' do anything to actually hurt myself, the next morning my knee started to hurt.... a month later and I was still in pain enough so that I had to give up doing any lower body weights at the gym and have pretty much stopped boxing. I finally went to my Dr. who sent me for an ex ray and confirmed I have arthritis in my knee and WILL NEED A KNEE REPLACEMENT WITHIN 10 YEARS if I do not lower my weight.  I also did a blood test and I am now pre-diabetic, my cholesterol is high and there is something that is not right with my kidney function and if it's not better in January I will be referred to a specialist.
This absolutely terrifies me.  I am now in a position that it is critical that I lose weight now to avoid major health concerns in the future.

I have been referred to another Dr. who specializes in obesity and have been put on a special diet. so this is where my current journey begins.......