Thursday, December 31, 2009

2009 My Year in Review

I have spent much of today thinking about what goals I reached in 2009, of course there are the concrete things which I am very proud of:

- made it through a full year smoke free
- ran a 5k run at the Toronto Marathon
- lost 30lbs,
- went from wearing a tight size 24, to a tight size 16
- started dating again
- have consistently gone to the gym and worked with a personal trainer since February when I joined.
- no longer walk with a curve in my spine due to problems with degenerative disc.

But what I am more proud of are the indirect changes:

- my skin color(face) has changed from ashen to pink
- I laugh a whole lot more now, and the laugh is sincere, rather than forced
- I am much less irratable, and I tend to "let things go" more easily
- I have started to dream again, and have goals, and actually believe I can meet those goals
- I am much more relaxed in social settings, and believe that what I have to say is interesting to other people.
- I actually look in the mirror and see pretty, rather than gross, and when my guy tells me I am beautiful I believe him, and when he caresses my body and tells me I am sexy, I believe him.
- I walk with a spring in my step, and keep my head held high
- I am not petrified to walk into a restaurant to meet someone alone.
And finally:
_ I have given myself permission to stop mourning my Mom's death to breast cancer. It has been 10 years in January, and I have realized, that I need to let the pain that I carry in my heart about her illness and death go......and I have done that!

Now my blog name "journey to find the real me" really came from the fact that the life I have been living for such a long time was not my authentic self. I've always wanted to be a leader, front and centre, not afraid of the spotlight, not afraid to be admired, really a true Leo personality, but I was afraid - afraid of Judgment, afraid of failure, afraid of the unknown, so I literally decided to check out of life, and just exist rather than live. 2009 was all about getting myself into the right mind set, a place where I have dreams and desires again and confidence to make my dreams happen and I think I have been sucessful in doing that. In 2010, I am going to execute my plan to make sure that my dreams and desires are met and hopefully at the end of next year, the real me will emerge.

Finally,(and I know this post was long, if you are still reading, thank you) the biggest change for me is that I have found happiness again. I truly am happy and looking back, I can honestly say I have not been happy for many, many years!

Happy New Year my friends! In 2010, may we continue to strive for improvement in ourselves, continue to believe in ourselves, and continue to inpire one another on this journey!

Part II

I just wanted to add that since the gym and getting healthy has been such a large part of my year, I thought I would make some comparisons for the last year, fitness wise:

Beginning: I was walking on the tread mill for 1/2 mile in 5 minute increments at 2.5 and up to 3.8 mph.

Midway: I was running in 20 feet spurts which was too difficult so it was scaled back to run 10 feet, walk ten feet.

Now: I was running on the treadmill for 1 mile in 1 min increments at 7.5mph and then walking for 1 minute at 3.5 mph

Beginnig: I would walk a line doing high knees which after 10 minutes would have me gasping for air and doing 10 step ups on a bench right on the floor would leave me spent!

Midway: I would jog down one line of the gym and walk back, then do modified jumping jacks (no jumpint) and squats

Now: I do 45 minutes of high impact Muai thai - 10 rounds with only 2 -2 min breaks.

Then: I was barely able to do 1 pull up or 10 sit ups

Midway: I could manage 10 pull ups and approx 40 sit ups

Now: can do 4 sets of 10 pull ups and have maxed out at 1000 sit ups in a session.

Then: could ride the stationary bike on level one for 1 minute at at time, 3 times

Midway: could ride the bike on level 5 for 5 minutes

Now: can ride the bike on intervals totaling 5 minutes on level 10, and 15 minutes on level 3.

I have not lost a great amount ouf weigh in the last year, but my body has changed immensely and I feel strong.

Triathlon here I come!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Kicking it Biggest Loser Style!

Finally got my Bodybugg this week. I am going to try and just get used to wearing it over the next week and then kick it into high gear in January.

Funny thing is I set it up to lose on average 3lbs a week and at this pace I should reach my goal weight June 5. The subscription to the bodybugg nutritional log page expires on June 6 and my triathlon is on June 6 as well... I am going to give this my all for 6 mos and see how close I can get to my goal.....

Other than that, life if just chugging along..... I filmed a television spot with my Hypnotherapist on friday for the local news, where they are doing a segment on New Years Resolutions and more specifically quitting smoking through hypnotherapy..... I was so nervous but did it anyway and am looking forward to seeing myself on t.v.....

I will try to get here before Friday, but if I don't Merry Christmas to everyone..... Wishing you all a wonderful day and here's to making 2010 the BEST year ever.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Best Comment Ever Award goes to......

My 8 year old niece, who I haven't seen in since August.

She came to stay with me last night and when we got home and I took off my jacket, her eyes got really big and she said "Hooooolee, Sha Sha you are growing skinny" and then she came over to me and was touching my belly and said, "your chubby belly is all gone". (if that doesn't make sense, my niece calls me Sha Sha instead of Aunti Sharon- lol)

On the flip side after showing her my boxing gear, and bike gear and gym stuff and talking about nutrition and exercise and triathlons all day, she finally said to me (while in line at the food court at the mall) "Sha, is nutrition ALLLLLLL you talk about now" LOL. And then we went back to talking about Miley Cyrus, The Jonas Bros etc and she was a happy girl. And I was a super content Aunt after the comments from earlier in the day :D

Friday, December 4, 2009

Weigh in results

This morning, I weighed in at 242 so i am down 3lbs from my last weigh in. I am happy with this.... Even better, I have lost another 3 inches off my waist.

Today was boxing, and after a super rough day at work yesterday, a hard workout with lots of hard punching and massive sweating were just what I needed this morning. I feel good and ready to face the day.

Thursday, December 3, 2009


Tomorrow I weigh in and for the first time in about 4 mos, I have absolutely no fear. I have been working out and following my food intake very closely.... and I know I am going to be lower than 245. Yeah, the great part is that as of last Sunday (4 days ago) I weighed in at 251.5. This evening I weighed in at 243, and I am hoping that by tomorrow morning, on an empty stomach, I will be at 240 or 241....I will even be happy with 243 :D

Yippy, the scale is moving again, and it's moving downward!!!!!!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Getting Real about food choices

I have been lying to myself about my food and calorie intake for some time now... I have been living in fear of stepping on that scale at the gym because I know my weight was out of control( as much as 7lbs heavier than my last weigh in). The fear of embarrassment, and also of letting my trainer down has made me do all kinds of crazy things over the last week.

I had a bit of a meltdown on the weekend and decided to take snippets of my weekly food choices, the cravings that I have etc and see i I could figure out why even when I feel like all I have eaten was cucumber, tomatoes and carrots my weight has gone up by 7lbs in a week........ what I figured out, when i decided to be honest with myself, is that while I was eating lots of veggies, I was also eating crap, throughout the week..... some examples:

-bagel with cream cheese from Tims' 730 cals (had this 3 times last week)
- large double cream, double sugar coffee from Tims' - 360 cals
- whopper with cheese and large fries - 1300 calories
- big mac and large fries - 1100 calories
- drinks and dinner at Moxies - well I had fish and chips, ate about 10 fries and 1.5 piece of fish, and oh yeah splint 2 appies with my other two friends..... lets round it off to a nice even number - lets say 3000000000!!!!!!

****yup, I did not write any food intake down, - I tend to only write down when I am eating good things*****

I decided to write out healthy, low calorie alternatives to most of this stuff and have managed to significantly lower my caloric intake on Monday and Today and voila, my weight is magically down below what it was the last time I weighed in at 245. My goal is to get below and out of the 240, I have friggin been here since the beginning of the summer. My body is still shrinking but even I am aware that I cannot shrink my body down to a size 8 and still weight 245 pounds- hahaha.

I worked out yesterday morning with my trainer and then went back last night for another 1/2 hr hill walking session on the treadmill, and then did the same thing this morning. I plan on working out tomorrow morning with my trainer and then going again tomorrow night..... I need to make this a priority again....