Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Tis the season

aStruggling a little bit right now.... Christmas week and while I have fallen off the Poon diet, I have not been nearly as bad as I would normally have been.  My weight is up about 5lbs this morning from where I was at my last weigh in.  Mostly water retention I would imagine.

Today i am getting back in gear. Reading up on the Dr Poon. diet information again, to make sure i fully understand what i can/ and cannot eat.  Going to clear out my kitchen cupboards today and get rid of everything that is not Poon friendly.

I have also picked up a copy of a cognitive therapy book which I will start reading (and doing the exercises) in the New Year.  I also took some "before" pictures that are very revealing of my body fat issue at the moment and quite frankly I am afraid to post them here..... Still thinking about whether or not to go with full disclosure or not.... we'll see

All in all, I am feeling good.  If I could get rid of the knee pain, I know I would be doing much better.  I know I am about 10lbs away from being pain free, so I just need to bite the bullet and push myself to try and lose this amount quickly and then get on with normal, healthy weight loss.

It's all coming together.

Monday, December 21, 2015

Let the festivities begin...

tough weekend.  Had a Christmas dinner saturday, and a friend over for dinner Sunday.  Didn't do too bad by any means.  Saturday, my food choices consisted mainly of meat and veg, with a tiny bit of stuffing, and penne.  I did not have any dessert, but I did have two small glasses of red wine, and two shots of honey jack, when I got home.

Sunday, I ate rice crackers and asiagio dip, made a poon friendly low carb meal of zucchini boats stuffed with buffalo chicken, and I have about 2.5 glasses of wine, and two servings of fat free, sugar free pudding.

I am feeling bloaty and gross today, but more likely because of TOM than anything.  Going to make the rest of this week very good, and cut myself a tiny bit of slack on Christmas day.

Other things:   Had a fantastic massage last night... feel 100% better this morning, and had a fantastic sleep last night....  also heard that a friend of mine who struggles immensely with her weight, has agreed to get help for her issues by accepting a gift of hypnosis therapy.  She had wanted to reach out and get help because she saw me writing about my experience with hypnosis on facebook.  I have been pretty open about my struggles with my weight mainly for two reasons..... to remove the stigma that is attached to being overweight and to be real about my struggle with weight, and secondly, to perhaps inspire someone else to try to make changes in their life, or at the very least to step out of the shadows and lose the shame associated with being overweight.  I was absolutely thrilled to hear that I may have touched her in a tiny way, and I'm even more thrilled that she is seeking out the help that she needs to make herself healthy again.  

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Dr. Poon. Weigh in #1

Weigh in number one was this morning.  I was down 8.9 lbs and my new weight is 277.6.

8.9 down

117.6 to go

The gift

Just re-read yesterdays post and talked about my trainer and how amazing he is..... He really is the gift that just keeps on giving.

Last night we went through our normal weight training.  Arms and shoulders.  He told me some amazing news, he will be a mentor to a new trainer beginning in January and for 14 weeks thereafter.  The amazing thing is that he his going to have this guy train me 2x a day (7 times a week) along with with my normal three workouts with my regular trainer.  OMG, i will have personal training twice a day, 5 days a week, most of which will be free!!!!  For the whole 14 weeks.

I am going to push push push myself. This is the chance of a lifetime and I am going to grab it and run (well not literally, until my knees are better)

Back later after weigh in.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Going Strong

Still plugging along.  I did a quick weigh in this morning at work and my weight is showing as 281.6, which is 8.5lbs less than the last time I weighed in on this scale (it weighs heavier that that official scale at the clinic).  Feeling motivated by that.

The knee pain is starting to diminish slightly, which is a great thing.  I truly believe that once I get under 170, the pain will go away.  This has happened before.  i took the first week of this diet off from the gym, but was back at it last night.

So I have been with my personal trainer for 6 years (I think).  He is one of my best friends and I trust him more than I trust anyone in my life.  When I started with him I was dying, I hated myself, I had not been looking after my health (not been to a Dr in years and years) and I had zero self confidence.  When I joined the gym I bought a personal training package on a whim but then was terrified about going.  I had made the decision to not go through with the sessions, but BJ called me about 3 times. I finally agreed to come in for the consultation and that was the beginning of a brand new life.

I started out basically walking in a straight line for my entire session, doing high knee walking, and unable to catch my breath.  He made me face all of me fears head on.... and in the 5 good years before last summer when I had a relapse I went from that unhealthy, non confident, unhappy woman.  to a relatively healthy, super confident, amazingly happy athlete.  I did a triathlon, I climbed a 144 story building, I did a 5k.  I became an avid mountain biker, a power lifter and a boxer.  I WILL GET BACK TO THAT BY THE END OF FEBRUARY. That is my goal.

Anyway as you can see, the gym has become a big part of my life and I have given up many things in my life to pay the 6k per year it costs to have a trainer.  But it's been worth every single penny.

Sooooo looking forward to my weigh in on Thursday morning.....

Monday, December 14, 2015

Monday Morning - Keep it going.

Heading into Monday after a good weekend under my belt.  Generally it's the other way around, I do well during the day and fall apart on the weekend.

Made a sheppards pie with carbquik yesterday.  Very low carb content.  I am still finding it difficult to wrap my head around eating "rich" food.  Heavy cream mixed with the carbquick and eggs and ground beef.  Mind you it was a small amount of cream that was used, but still.... I've spent the last 6 years cutting back on anything that I deemed to be NOT healthy.  The thing is that didn't work for me, so for now I am keeping an open mind.  I went grocery shopping yesterday and had no desire to pick up a bag of doritos.... also a first for me in the last 6 years.

I must say I have been sugar free for 2 days now and feel really great about that.  I think I have finally given into the fact the sugar is my crack,  There is no place for it in my life,

Ok, My goal for today is to try and manage my stress today at work and make sure that it is not managed with food.  I also need to ensure I drink water.  Need to continue to flush my kidneys with water before going back to the January.  On that note, I am hoping that my trainers explanation with regard to the kidney test is accurate.  A blood test looks for creatinine (sp) levels to test for kidney function, the higher the level, the less your kidneys are functioning.  My trainer has been pushing my hard with the weights in the last few months.  Heavy weights, and lots of sets.  Generally more muscle mass causes your creatinine level to increase in your system.  I am hoping this explains my increased levels.  My Dr. (or anyone else) would never suspect by looking at me that I am lifting this kind of weight. i did mention working out but again I'm sure she would never have imagined that my muscle mass would be elevated to a point that my creatinine level would be so high.  Anyway, not going to worry too much about this, if I need to go to a kidney specialist to check into this further, then so be it.....

Sunday, December 13, 2015

The never ending journey

Well, it is time to dust off my blogger page and try again..... sigh I have been here many times before, trying something new, full of excitement, and hope and determination that "this" will work.

This time is a little different for a really important reason but let me back up just a little bit. I was doing so well, 6 years into my journey to find the real me, I was down to a relatively fit 235 lbs, my confidence was soaring, my dating life was pretty good, and I was killing it in the gym 6 days a week, lifting crazy weights and boxing - not just boxing, but sparring - REAL boxing. I was so proud of myself.

Last August I was going to do a biggest loser run in Pennsylvannia and ended up tweaking my back shortly before leaving.... I went anyway and after spending hours and hours sitting in a car as well as walking around Pittsburgh for two days straight, I was in no shape to run a 5k.  I made the decision to complete it anyway, and I walked, very slowly the entire 5k.  I felt good for doing it but it caused MAJOR problems for my back issues and put me out of commission for nearly 2 months.  At the end of that month, I by change found out that a guy I had been dating casually (he said he was not interested in being in a serious relationship)  was in fact IN a serious relationship.  We were not dating at this time, but very much still connected and it hit me very VERY hard.  The third thing was that my already busy job became busier when the other manager at work moved on to another position and it was decided that they wouldn't replace her, I would simply take on management of the entire department!

These three things created the "perfect storm" and I basically checked out and numbed my pain, both physical and emotional, and my stress with food.  And so began a full year and a half of eating out of control.  Of course none of the food helped with any of my problems and I now find myself just shy of 50lbs heavier than I was last August but the weight gain alone is not what pushed me to try again. I played ball on my nieces baseball team in October, and while I didnt' do anything to actually hurt myself, the next morning my knee started to hurt.... a month later and I was still in pain enough so that I had to give up doing any lower body weights at the gym and have pretty much stopped boxing. I finally went to my Dr. who sent me for an ex ray and confirmed I have arthritis in my knee and WILL NEED A KNEE REPLACEMENT WITHIN 10 YEARS if I do not lower my weight.  I also did a blood test and I am now pre-diabetic, my cholesterol is high and there is something that is not right with my kidney function and if it's not better in January I will be referred to a specialist.
This absolutely terrifies me.  I am now in a position that it is critical that I lose weight now to avoid major health concerns in the future.

I have been referred to another Dr. who specializes in obesity and have been put on a special diet. so this is where my current journey begins.......

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Happy Birthday to me.,

Well I have not been posting for a bit, but that doesn't mean I haven't been working at this weight loss thing. 

Hmmm I think the biggest thing is that I've started doing psychotherapy with hypnosis mixed in.   This is the same person who helped me get my journey started almost 7 years ago when I was hypnotized to quit smoking.  What I didn't imagine was that this is try therapy, and most of what we talk about and focus on has nothing at all to do with food and eating.  It has to do with the reasons that I turn to food. So far so good.

Today is my 49th birthday, and for some reason the big 5-0 is looming large in my head.  My goal for this year is to make this the BEST year ever, and really do all kinds of crazy fun and exciting and adventurous things.  The other part is that I want to make this the year that I either make my dreams come true and realize my goals or make the decision to be happy with me the way I am right now.

Just a few goals for the year:

- FAST FOOD-  No fast food for the year.  I will give myself a buffer of 3 meals for the year
- WEIGHT LOSS - I will be at my goal weight of 160 by my birthday next year.
-FITNESS - I will have the strong athletic body that I have always desired by my next birthday
-CONFIDENCE - I will wear a bikini next May on my trip to the Caribbean.
-LOVE- will take the time required to explore relationships and find the man of my dreams

Lastly, I want to try new things, enjoy good friends and just enjoy my life....

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Crack and Calm

Last night was my first test- and while my first thought was that I failed miserably, I actually found a silver lining to the day. 

My cousin stopped by last night to provide some financial advice to me. When he came in he handed me a pastry box.  I opened it to find 4 luscious beautiful Portuguese custard tarts.  Oh my!

I made a decision as we were talking that I would NOT eat them. I would take them into work tomorrow and give them away to my co workers.  I said farewell to my cousin, closed the door behind him and before I knew it I was devouring not one, not two but ALL FOUR tarts.. Bam gone in minutes.  I realize that flour and sugar really are my crack!  The further I stay away from these things the stronger I will get. 

Anyway my normal pattern would be to get down on myself, berate myself and then continue with the binge.  I talked myself through it, tracked it, and realized in that 4 minutes I ate an extra 1000 calories.  Yikes! 

But instead of panicking, I told myself that it was done, over with, and then my rational self looked kicked in.  it would take 3500 calories to gain a pound, I ate 1000.  Over the next few days, I did 10 -15 extra minutes of cardio, and tried to cut back on a few calories during the day.  The fact that I put a plan in place to counteract the binge,   gave me a sense of calm that I haven't found in the past.  Life is going to happen, and perhaps sugar and flour will not be a part of my life, except maybe on an occasional basis. If I can do exactly what I did in this scenario (except maybe NOT eat all 4 tarts at one time- lol) I will be ok - I WILL BEAT THIS!

Monday, April 20, 2015

A look back and a look forward

Just back from a good workout.  It was arm night and I am really feeling it.  I am working hard to get myself back on track - back into a routine but it's not easy.

Tonight as I was doing my sets, my trainer asked if I still wanted to get a tattoo.  When I first started training with him I toyed with the idea of getting a tattoo when I got to my goal weight.  I remember watching a video on Oprah's weight loss journey and she says at one point POWER= STRENGTH OVER TIME.  To me it symbolized getting stronger both mentally and physically and getting my life back. 

Anyway as the story goes, I went through a rough patch last summer and lost the strength that I gained and gained the 50lbs that I had lost.. you know how it goes!

So as we were talking I blurted out that I really wanted to get a quote tattoo "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom"                     
Anais Nin   I was taken back a little bit because I realized I've not really spoken out loud about what the meant to me. I told him that I had spend the majority of my life hiding in a cocoon.  never putting myself out there - not with work, not with going out enjoying life, no dancing, no dating, no boyfriends, no falling in love,  and not really living my life for fear of failure/of being hurt/ of being shamed and of being judged.  When I finally started this journey it was this quote that pushed me.  I got to a point in my life that it was so lonely, so sad, so damn predictable living in that bud and I finally decided at 40 ish, it was time I either made peace with the life I was living, or do something about changing it.  It's funny because with all the things we have spoken about I had never told him this.  I think it was because I was ashamed of the life I had been living, and I confessed to him that I probably had not told him because the sadness, shame etc I felt about it would have left me in tears. IT WAS PAINFUL. 

Now I can say that in 6 years my life has changed dramatically.  I am more confident in myself.  I have a pretty healthy dating life I have moved up and taken on a management role at work and have generally changed my life.  The risk has been so worth it so far.  I now need to take one last risk, and it's a big one.  I need to risk giving up this weight that I have been carrying for my entire life and step into a world that I know absolutely nothing about.  A life where weight doesn't hold me down, doesn't play a role in my daily decisions, and does have any power over me. 

Next year in August I will be turning 50.  My goal for years has been to climb the Chilkoot Pass - a mountain pass that runs from Alaska to British Columbia - it's a route that men flocked to during the Gold Rush in search of Gold.  They were chasing their dreams just like I am chasing my dreams.  I have this vision of me standing on top of a mountain top on my 50th birthday, thinking about my journey and how it really does mimic climbing a mountain, in in that vision I am sporting a lovely colourful tattoo with the "And the day came..... quote with a tight bud in front of the quote, and big beautiful colourful blossom at the end of it. 

The final thing I said to my trainer is "We have 15 months to get there my friend" and he just smiled and said " We will get there" with an emphasis on WE.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Recipe- Rice and beans and veg

I basically mixed together three separate parts of my dinner and it makes a fantastic dish. I need to get it down in writing so I don't forget it.

1 cup wild/long grain rice cooked according to directions
1 can black beans, rinsed
1/2 small onion,
1/2 cup chicken broth
1/4 cup (or to taste) of soy sauce
6 cups baby bok choy
2 zucchini's  (I did a spiral shred of mine)
1 large carrot (I did a spiral shred of mine)
1/2 small onion chopped
1/2 green pepper chopped
3 TBS olive oil
black pepper and salt to taste

1.  Mix together the rice with the can of black beans
2.  Steam the bok choy in chicken broth mixed together with the soy sauce
3  In a separate pan cook the green pepper and onion garlic in 1 TBS olive oil until al dente. Add in the zucchini and carrot and continue to cook until slightly softened.  (I needed to add 2 TBS of olive oil to keep it from sticking but you could probably use some chicken broth as well)

4.  Mix the zucchini/carrot mixture into the rice mixture and plate.  Add some of the bok choy to the rice making sure you drizzle some of the juice (soy/broth) on the rice.

I will add a picture tomorrow  I ate it too fast tonight to stop to take a picture (It was that good)

Fighting the Demon

Weekend have long been my biggest challenge.  Without the structure of my work week, I have fallen off the wagon many of times on the weekend.  Weekend binging has long been my demon. 

Coming into my first weekend on program, I was a little nervous but all in all it has turned into a pretty decent weekend.  Was I 100 % on my eating plan - no, but while I made a split second decision to open a package of crackers and pull a pound of butter out of the freezer and throw some into the microwave to make it spreadable..... for me the take away (and by take away I don't mean a large burger and fries to go lol) is the fact that I was able to stop BEFORE the entire package was gone.  This reinforces the fact that for now I need to clear my home of anything that will stop me from getting back on track.  I also need to continue with not having access to my credit card and bank card. 

Something that really struck me was when I went grocery shopping on Friday with a 60.00 cash budget.  I realized that for the first time in my life, I was actually looking at the price of food!  In the past I have simply filled my cart with whatever I wanted and not paid any mind to what it was, or how much it cost.  Being on a limited budget made me re-think what I needed.  Big wake up call for me.

Anyway, after yesterday's minor slip (which is forgotten as of now), today has been a great day so far.  Another big salad for lunch with 1 boiled egg ( I am loving this salad - never been a salad eater), and I started to prep some veggies for todays dinner. 

Last year I picked up a spiral veggie slicer, and pulled it out, and dusted it off today.  I made a bowl of zucchini and carrot "noodles" for todays dinner and will cook them up with some green pepper, onion, and a bit of olive oil and garlic.  YUM, can't wait.

My goal is to make it to the gym later today, to get in some cardio.  Perhaps I will go and watch the Jays game while I work out. 

I am trying (again) to make salad in a Jar.  so hopefully my veggies will stay fresh for Monday,, Tuesday, and Wednesday's lunches 

Here are some food prep pictures from today:

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Falling into place

Weigh in this morning: 275.6

HaHa , old habits die hard eh.  I have been sticking to my new eating plan but have not been able to keep to my no weigh in mandate..... In all honesty seeing the scale come down is a big boost to my morale so for the first week I will allow myself scale updates.  Speaking of the scale, it is dropping nicely.  8lbs since Tuesday and I KNOW most of this is water weight, mainly because my ankles have been swollen and uncomfortable for weeks and after getting in a good amount of water yesterday  I see that they are looking more normal this morning. 

Got in a great workout last night.  I asked my trainer if I we could box and although he is concerned about my knee injury, he allowed me to hit the bag and get in some hand pad work.  Felt great to have the gloves back on.

Food is going good, the funny thing is I am not finding it difficult at all.  I am keeping in mind that I started on a Tuesday and generally week days are easier for me to keep on track.  The weekend will be my test.  But I am feeling strong and confident that here is no craving strong enough to make me cave.  (that is my super hero persona talking !!!)


lunch today was a lovely green salad with lots of veggies and two eggs sliced on top,  with an oil and vinegar dressing. 
 Dinner is another green salad, just lettuce and oil/vinegar salad,  1/2 cup each wild/long grain rice and black beans, and bok choy cooked in chicken broth and bit of soy sauce, and franks hot sauce on the side. 

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Today is the first day of the rest of my life

And so it begins - again.  I feel a sense of excitement inside of me today.  Going to do my best to follow this program. Really put my trust in my trainer.  I have watched him help many people around me lose weight but I, while I have lost quite a bit and then regained several times, do not feel like I have been a success.  I have come a long way, of course, but getting to my weight loss goal has eluded me.... that is my focus until the end of the year, and I am going to put my full trust in my trainer to get me there.

Last night I signed up for a further 72 personal training sessions,  which will take me close to the end of this year - 3 training sessions per week. I have gone back to more actual training rather than boxing 3 times a week.  I will still get back to the boxing, but not quite yet. I need to work on losing weight and building my cardio up again.  And of course losing this weight. I do not know how I functioned at 280lbs for so many years.  I cannot function now.  My body aches, my knee is injured simply because of the weight I am carrying. I am out of breath after a short walk and my self confidence is gonzo!  So my priority HAS to be doing all that I can to lose this weight.

Which leads me to operation weight loss, volume 3, 925!!!!  LOL    I got my plastic back last night..... but just long enough to a) pay a grand towards my training, and b) run upstairs to the bank to get some cash out of the bank.  My "allowance" for the week is $160.00.  $60. to buy groceries; $60. to put gas in my car and $40. for anything else (entertainment).  I was kidding my trainer asking if my entertainment could involve a bag of Doritos......  He wasn't impressed :)

So Phase 1 of my diet is for the first week, no meat (just eggs), and is very basic:

Morning:  1-2 glasses of room temperature water
One piece of fruit (I will be juicing)
coffee/tea, milk no sugar

Mid morning: one fruit, or 1 cup plain yogurt, or 2 poached eggs, or 1/4 c ricotta cheese, or 1/4c cottage cheese

Lunch:  clear soup broth; salad- mixed greens, tomatoes; peppers, onions, cucumbers, mushrooms, sprouts, 2 hard boiled eggs(optional), salad dressing: oil and vinegar

Afternoon snack:  1 cup Yogurt or 1 cup fresh fruit

Night time: salad (must eat first and wait 20 minutes before continuing with meal) dressing: oil/vinegar

steamed veggies (lots of cruciferous veggies such as broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, zucchini, carrots, okra, mushrooms, spinach, onion)

Beans/legumes- (main source of protein) lentils, mung beans, black beans, kidney beans, garbanzo beans, edamame.

Grains- (main source of carbs) wild rice, brown rice, barley and quinoa

Unlimited salad and vegies, combine protein and carbs at 1-1 , ratio.

So today I will do my groceries (using my $60 budget) and tomorrow will be day 1 of this plan. 

I have been really watching my food for the last couple of days and my weight is dropping. I have decided that I am not going to step on the scale for a bit.  As I am writing this my mind is saying for a month, but I am not sure I can go a month without stepping on a scale, since I weigh myself first thing EVERY morning and have done so for many many years.  Let me start with a week. I will do an initial weigh in tomorrow morning and then will not weigh in for a week. 

It's time to get serious....

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

I am hopeful I am on to something

Day two today sans credit card/bank card.  I have to say that I was good during the day and on my drive home (both days) those familiar thoughts began flooding my head.  Go to the drive through you are starving, mmmmmm burger king, mmmmmm subway,  mmmmmmm McDonalds.  But those thoughts were hit with the equivalent of a hard left hook when I realized I don't have money, or access to money!!!!

I will admit that last night I came home and had access to not so healthy food (a piece of leftover lasagna, and a small pack of m&m candies), but today my dinner was 1 cup quinoa, mixed with half a cucumber, some grape tomatoes, a drizzle of olive oil, and a squirt of lemon juice.  I am satisfied now and still have my cash in the bank.

obviously it is early days yet, but once again I have a small glimmer of hope that this will give me a week or three to really get out of the habit of eating out and also allow my body to detox from all the sugar and flour my body has grown accustomed to eating. 

In other news, tonight I need to purchase a new block of personal training sessions as my current package is about to run out.... wonder what my trainer would say if I told him I can't renew because I don't have access to my credit or debit card!  hahaha I crack me up sometimes :)

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

A new diet plan

So today I am starting a new plan..... I will call it the cash strapped plan.  My biggest problem is laziness.  It's just me (no husband, no kids to cook for) so I often find myself driving through a drive through on my way home because I'm too tired to cook - at least that's what I tell myself. 

Last night I handed over my credit card and bank card to my personal trainer at the gym.   Now there is absolutely no risk to me giving him these cards, I know I sound na├»ve to give these things away, but I'm not, in truth I am desperate to find a way to get back on track.

So my access to money is gone.  He is writing up an eating plan for me and will scope out how much money is needed to by the ingredients required to do the diet for a week and then we will hit a bank machine in the mall where the gym is and I will get an allowance that will provide me with enough cash for the groceries and gas for the week.  I will also get a 200 emergency fund which I will give to a family member just in case. 

Hmmmm I always said the only way I would lose weight was to have my mouth stapled shut.  Perhaps this is a way od doing just that, but without the physical pain???  We shall see

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Meltdown - the aftermath

Had a good text exchange with my trainer last night.... He was at a ceremony last night that was welcoming him as a firefighter.... one of the biggest days of his life, and he still took the time last night to write to me.  If he won't give up on me, how the heck can I give up on myself.... boxing is the one thing that has really made me happy over the last few years. 

Funny thing is, he often quotes Rocky or some other inspirational meme, because he knows that I just love them... haha.  so he sent me the following quote from one of the Rocky quotes.

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you! You're better than that! I'm always gonna love you no matter what. No matter what happens. You're my son and you're my blood. You're the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, ya ain't gonna have a life. "

I'm going to take the balance of this week off and then get back to training next Monday.  I need the week to focus on the juicing, and get through some stuff at work.  

The scale is moving though, weigh in this morning was 271.2

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Meltdown.... focus change

Juice fast (haha) Day 2 weighin 274.8

I say haha, because I found myself at subway buying a 12 inch sub last night.  I wasn't even that hungry.  I am so very angry and disappointed in myself. Trying to get back on track today, thankfully, I still saw a loss on the scale, but I think yesterday was a bit of a turning point for me.

Last night I was boxing, and I had a complete meltdown.  My boxing partner gave me a direct (and in my opinion) dirty punch to my face last night and I totally lost it because my trainer kept telling me it was clean.  I ended up throwing my gloves off and leaving..... as much as he tried to calm me down and talk to me, I didn't want to listen. 

In the end I know that I was mad because I failed.... I am getting beat by a woman who has been boxing for a few months.  I should be running circles around her.  The biggest thing is I see the confidence in her, and I know I have lost all of my confidence.  I am too fat to be boxing  Before we started we were chatting with another of my trainers clients. They were talking about their goals and how much body fat they have lost.  I after 6 years have lost none.  I am a failure, and I don't know how to turn it around, so I have decided to do what I always do when the going gets tough.  I am going to quit.  Today I plan on telling my trainer that I need to take a few months off from my personal training.  I will focus on juicing, and losing weight.  I will continue to do light cardio during this period but my main focus will be weight loss.  Hopefully I can get myself into a better frame of mind and be ready to get back to the training. 

Of course I have to run this all by my trainer, who has become such a good friend, and a huge positive influence on my life.... I'm sure he will not think it's a good idea and I am nervous to tell him of my plan, and embarrassed to confront him and tell him the real reason I was mad last night. 

To be continued......

Update:  My already stressful day has just gone off the chart.... called into a meeting this morning to learn one of the lawyers I work for is going to be off work indefinitely - 1 day before a HUGE change comes into effect, which means I will be responsible for it.   Was interrupted in said meeting to be told that a colleague died of a massive heart attack last night.  Such a nice man and a great loss....  group meeting where the lawyer for this group (there are two of them) completely ignored my help in a recent big problem file, then later in the day called my boss in to complain about things I need to improve on (he gossips constantly about everyone), final two straws were the third lawyer coming to me this afternoon complaining about something small that a staff member has done... he was literally shaking with rage..... and the big one....the department head making a comment about me refusing to fix his printer.... while I know he is joking (on one level) I had enough for one day and when he made a comment that I was never willing to help out I blurted out in a less than happy voice "yep that's me"  It's all I could say, because I was on the verge of tears.  I feel like I am going to have a breakdown. I just can't handle much more.

Update 2: I texted my trainer this morning telling him I would not be in for the remainder of this week and was thinking about taking a 1or 2 month break from training.  I still have not heard back from him... I know he is upset/discouraged because he really has done everything he could to help me..... sigh At least I have stayed on my eating plan today.  On my drive home tonight I drank a juice and although my body wasn't hungry, my mind was telling me I am. Huge craving for carbs and I finally talked myself into stopping to pick up some bread and eggs.... how bad can that be right, egg on toast.... I pulled up in front of the store, and literally fought with myself in my head for a moment before pulling back out of the plaza and coming home, empty handed.  Small victory.

Monday, March 23, 2015

juicing (7 day detox)

Going to start a 7 day juicing plan today. I did a bit of juicing last week to get me back in the juicing zone.  My reason for doing this is to kick start my diet efforts, but also I find that juicing re-sets my body so that too much sugar, or carbs or fat, makes me feel really uncomfortable.  The place where I am now, I can eat all of this in huge quantities an
d it doesn't even phase me.  in fact I crave more and more and more.....

So on the weekend I got some official "before" photos.  I weigh in at 277lbs and I am wearing a size 18 plus size clothing.  If there is any "good" news it would be that I am back at the same weight I was 5 or 6 years ago, but at that time I was wearing a size 22 and sometimes a 24, so I suppose the working out has helped and perhaps my body is comprised of a bit more muscle that it was 6 years ago.   So here are my before pics taken March 22, 2015  5ft 6.5 inch 277lbs:

Uggggggh, not easy to post that, but I really want to be able to see how my body changes. 

So here is my prep work for my juicing.... Took about 1 hour last night to put together my meals for 3 days.... not bad, and it makes it really easy to juice in the morning.

Monday, March 9, 2015

Feels like home to me.

I have always been one of those big girls who was absolutely terrified of the gym.  The gym is a place for thin, fit people I always thought.  Of course I had never stepped foot in one, and quite frankly whenever I walked past the gym in our local mall, I looked away so as not to catch the eye of one of those athletes running on the treadmills below me.... When I finally convinced myself that I NEEDED to start working out, I very nearly quit after the first day.  I cried all the way home because I felt judged- as if I had a big sign on me saying laugh at the fat girl.  Of course I was sooooo wrong. 

For the first few years I worked out at 7a.m. since there were not a lot of people....and over time I got to know many of them by name, and found lots of support.  Eventually I switched to evenings which was a BIG change since the gym is packed and this is the time it is filled with the fittest, most beautiful, hard core athletes. 

Tonight I was boxing.... actually sparring and it was brutal... I am tired, my back is sore and my training was pushing us hard. I took a few hard punches to the face but gave way more back to my opponent.  It turned out to be a hard, but good training session.  I left the gym and was heading up the escalator to the parking lot when I hear a voice shout out "hey, you are an amazing boxer"!  It was for young guys on the escalator in front of me.  I braced myself for the punch line - I am so used to compliments being followed by a punch line.... but there wasn't one.... all 4 of them turned around and asked me questions about how long I've been boxing and told me they would hate to be on the receiving line of my left hook.  They walked me out to the parking lot chatting away with me..  I walked out feeling like a million bucks.

Then it hit me.... the gym has become my safe place. The place where I feel most comfortable in my own skin.  I know many people there by name, and even more by face, just to say hello.  I regularly have  someone run up to me to give me a high five, or just tell me that I inspire them, but the truth is that they all inspire me, they give me hope, that I can leave that scared girl who cried on my first night behind me, and continue to move towards being the light that shines bright and gives hope to every other overweight person who comes into the gym.  I see them all the time. I can see them moving around quietly, trying not to be noticed, feeling awkward and scared and I always do my best to make eye contact and give a small smile to let them know it's gonna get better.  And I work my ass off, every single night I am there, because there is nothing better than leading by example. 

Friday, March 6, 2015

Keep your eye on the prize..


This is me.  All 270lbs of me, all 48 years of me..... grinding it out in the gym.  Ever since I was a little kid I've wanted to box.  My neighbor had a pair of boxing gloves, but he was the only boy on the street so he never had anyone to box with.  My Dad, when he got fed up of listening to me and my sister fight, would threaten to buy us each a pair of boxing gloves and put us in the middle of the street to pound on each other until one of us was no longer standing.  Oh how I wished that he would stop waving that carrot in front of me and buy the darn boxing gloves.

I realize now that most of my life I was told I couldn't do things.  I couldn't play organized hockey because it was for boys, I couldn't do a walk a thon that my sister and her friends were doing, because it would be too strenuous.  Looking back now, I know that the real reason I couldn't play hockey was because my parents couldn't afford it, and my Mom constantly tried to shield me from the pain of life so she often told me I couldn't do things. In her way I think by keeping me from doing things she  thought she was protecting me from the big bad world, but for me it was a crushing blow to my self esteem. 

I have seen this follow me on my journey to health.... every fitness challenge I have done  has been a struggle because I constantly have that internal dialog in my head saying you CAN'T.  When I did my try a tri, I literally gave up 5 minutes into the swim.  Defeated, I was bobbing up and down in the water waiting for an official to come and take me out of the race.  When I decided to climb to the top of the CN Tower in Toronto, which is 144 floors high, and 1, 700+ steps, I got to floor 20 and I remember looking up and seeing the winding staircase going on forever.  I was bent over,  hyper ventilating, and in tears and saying to my friend, I can't do this, I can't do this, I just can't.

The happy ending in both of these stories is that I was able to find a way around my fear.... NO, actually I was able to push THROUGH my fear and come out the other side.  With the Tri, I thought about my family and friends who were standing on the shore in the rain, at 8:00 am on a Sunday morning, I thought about my trainer, who has told me time and again that my body is capable of doing this distance, and I thought about me who has let the word can't hold me back for far too many years.  With the stair climb, I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down, and I thought to myself, I really don't know if I am able to climb the remaining 124 floor, but what I do know is I am able to climb 10 floors, I just did that two times.... so I concentrated on climbing  10 floors - 12 and a half times.  I eventually finished both the tri and the stair climb.  I didn't set any records, in fact as I was finishing up the 2.5 k run to complete my tri, I passed a constant stream of participants walking back to their car. The race was over, the awards  were given out and everyone was going home.  BUT I FINISHED.  I also climbed to the top of the tower which has now become my beacon of hope.  You can pretty much see the top of the CN tower from most points around the Toronto area, and I find myself quite often looking for  it when my confidence needs a boost.  You see the dialogue in my head has changed from "I can't"  to "If you can climb the CN Tower, your damn right you can do this" (whatever "this" may be). 

So back to boxing, I feel like that fear has taken hold of my quest to fight.  I started boxing as a way to get fit and healthy, but along the way I decided that I really need a goal, and that goal is to actually step in the ring and have a real fight... just once, so that all of the people who have helped me on this journey can come together and see the final result of all of the hard work I have put into this.  I also know that in order to a) get good enough to be able to fight and b) be able to find a suitable opponent, I need to lose at lease 80 lbs.  I believe that the fact that I have gained weight and cannot seem to get on track with my eating is my heads way of saying "I can't"  because as long as I'm this size I won't have to go through with this. 

I need to find a way to push through the fear, and I think I will start by finding a spot today where I have a good view of the CN TOWER!

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

My biggest obstacle - the mighty binge

Yesterday was a pretty good day. Started with a decent breakfast and a good lunch.  I left work and started the drive home, and all of a sudden I am in the Tim Hortons drive through ordering a large double double coffee and a 10 pack of timbits.  I needed a coffee with all that cream and sugar, and a bunch of doughnut holes like a hole in the head, yet here I was gorging on them on my drive home.  In order for me to be successful, I know I am going to have to learn how to stop my binging, I just need to figure this out.  Luckily, I was boxing last night so I was able to burn the calories off.  Even that was hampered because of the binge I ended up having IBS symptoms when I started boxing..... terrible cramping that made me sit off on the sidelines for 15 minutes before I felt well enough to get back in.  I was telling myself that I have spend waaaay to much time on the sidelines in my life.  I'm not going to stay there any more. 

My trainer asked me how my eating is going and how much I've lost.  I told him that my weight is fluctuating between the same 5lbs and he asked me why.  I truthfully told him I have not been making great choices and he asked again why.  I have such a hard time with this question.  I don't know why..... I said I am very much stressed with my job, but I honestly think that's just an excuse to eat.  I know in life, there will always be reasons to give in and eat, I need to learn to turn to something else.  My trainer looked at me and said so seriously..... It's good that you are stressed, cause that means your alive.... the only time you won't have any stress in your life is when you're 6 feet under".  We both laughed about it, but his point was well taken.  I need to figure this thing out.
He then proceeded to kick my butt with the boxing drills, followed by 6 x 50 crunches.... yup 300 crunches.  I am pretty sure that I now have abs of steel. they are just protected by my chubby tummy.

Today's goals:
- drink water AT WORK
- Get some cardio in at the gym tonight
- add a fruit or veg to my lunch (pack an apple)
- get in some stretching or use the foam roller tonight.

Monday, March 2, 2015

New Day, new attitude

Today will be all about getting back on track. protein is cooked, groceries purchased and I am ready to go.  Started my day off with a Lean Green juice.  I'm not good with eating fruit and veg during the day.  Never have been and although I will work on getting more into my body during the day, in the meantime I will be drinking my fruit and veg. This bad boy is made up of one cucumber, 3 celery stalks, a handful of kale, two apples, a bit of ginger and half a lemon.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

A look back and a look forward

So over the last few days, I have come to realize that it has been almost 7 years since I started to put a plan in motion and really change my life.  I called my blog Journey to find the real me, because I didn't think I was living the life I was meant to live, in fact I wasn't living, I was hiding myself away and slowly killing myself with food and cigarettes.  This became my favourite quote....    "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin  it really summed up how I felt.

You see I knew I had pretty much giving up on myself, but I knew I wanted to finally step outside of that dark place I had been hiding in for so many years, push myself to do the things that I needed to do to change my life but had been too afraid to try to do all these years.  One last final push to build the life that I so desperately wanted but had be too scared of failure to go for it.  I decided to make what I called a life chart, because the route from the life I was living to the life that I wanted was just too long, and there were many things that would need to fall into place to get me there.  I have no idea if this is something that people do, I didn't google "tools for changing your life"  I just knew how I thought I wanted my life to be (ie in a loving relationship, with someone who is active, leading a healthy life style,  where weight is a non issue in my life), and then I charted backwards to make a graph of the changes I needed to make to my life to get to that goal. So for example, one part of it would read I want to be active and participate in triathlons.  In in order to do that, I need to get fit, and in order to get fit, I need to start working out, but in order to start working out I needed to quit smoking, and in order to do that I needed get hypnotized.  So that was my starting point, do hypnosis to quit smoking. (I am smoke free for almost 8 years now by the way)

So that's what I did.  I must say it has been a struggle and I'm not at the ultimate goal but I can say that I am a completely different person than I was 7 years ago.  Unfortunately I am still at the same weight that I started at.  A break up last August with the man I thought was going to be my life partner, caused a relapse which resulted in a 40lb weight gain in 6 months, but there are still so many positive things that have changed.

1. fitness:  this is the big one.  I went from being a couch potato who loved watching sports to an athlete.  It took a long time for me to be able to call myself an athlete, because I don't look like one.  I have been working with a personal trainer for the past 7 years, and I credit him for much of the success in my life.  He turned me into an athlete, he makes me laugh, he makes me cry, but most of all he made me believe in myself and believe that I am an athlete.  Since training with him, I have done a 5k, climbed the CN Tower in Toronto, Done a try a tri, which is a mini triathlon.  I've learned that I can leg press 780lbs and I can bench press 180lbs - I am strong dammit.  The biggest thing that he has given me- is my love for boxing.  He does muay thai, so he incorporated some kickboxing into my routine, and it has slowly morphed into boxing..... and in the last few months I have started sparring with a training partner, and my goal is to have a real fight later this year.  Going forward there will be tons of posts about boxing since it is a huge part of my life now.

2.  Confidence:  my confidence level has changed 100%.  I used to (pretend) to be quiet, reserved, basically tried to hide in the background type person, except when I was with my friends.  I have learned that it was all about judgment.  I was so afraid of being judged, made fun of, made to feel that I was less than everybody else because I was over weight, so I tried to hide so as not to be noticed.  I have learned that I am just as good as everyone else.  I'm still working on it, but I am definitely getting better.  This has translated to me being put into a management position at work, where I am learning to become a leader.  Speaking in front of a group has been something that terrified me, but I have been pushing myself to do this on a daily basis.  Not there yet, but moving towards this.

3.  Relationships:  this is definitely a work in progress.  I spend much of the last 7 years with the same person.  I really didn't date for many years (to be perfectly honest from my mid 20's to my late 30's), and other than a few relationships in my early 20's I didn't date AT ALL.  It's funny because I never even tried to let a guy know that I was interested, I had completely given up and just assumed that no man would be interested in me.  I think when I met S, I was so appreciative of  his interest in me that I just latched onto him and allowed him to hurt me over and over again during the time we dated.  The funny thing is, he is the one who made me feel beautiful, and sexy and all the things I never felt about myself, yet he is also the one who made me feel not good enough.  Not up to his standard etc.  It was complicated, there was both good and bad, but I have finally moved on, dusted myself off and am trying to get out there and date a bit more.  I still find it scary, but I can say it's getting easier to put myself out there, I am just being very choosy, and not putting too much focus on it.  The good news is I have made some good solid guy friends in the last little while, but still looking for "the one"

4.  Weight loss:  This is the one area that I feel like I have failed.  I feel like I have tried every crazy assed diet out there and have had some short term success but I keep moving back up to my starting weight.  I need to start focusing on my diet. I know that diet is key for losing weight and I need to figure this part of my journey out. I will start with posting more regularly on My Fitness Pal.  More to come on this. 

I guess to summarize, I feel like the last 7 years have been a success. Am I where I want to be, absolutely not, but I can honestly say that I am getting closer to living the type of life that I want to live, and I no longer feel like it is a pipe dream, I know I will get there.  Probably the best thing is the fact that I am enjoying my life now  

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Week 2 Day 5 (28 days to go)

Weigh in :  262.0

So my weight is ever so slowly going down.  almost 9 lbs down in 10 days.  I can't really be upset with that, but I am beating myself up because I have not been perfect!  I am realizing this is my biggest area that needs to be fixed.  I do not have to be perfect. Perfect is boring anyway!  I was boxing last night - sparring for the second time since the Christmas break, and I am getting pretty darn good.  I'm not perfect but I am getting better every day..... same goes for my weight loss. I am getting better every day. Finding ways to stretch out my calories to make up three decent meals.

Today is another day - I'm gonna go for it.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Week 2 Day 3 (30 to go)

Today's weigh in 263.2  (weight loss to date 7.6)

Feeling good about this.  Last nights workout was brutal, but I have not really felt hungry.  Hopefully I am back on track.  Going to make this week count.... I feel as though even if I only lost 7.6 lbs each week for the next 3quarters I will still lose 30 lbs for the month.  I KNOW I can do better than that. 

I am going to make an appointment to go and see my weight loss counsellor this week  I think it will help to allow me to let go of last week and make a plan for this week. 

Monday, January 12, 2015

On a lighter side...

I was watching road racing yesterday. It was a huge race taking place in Italy and while not particulary a huge fan of cycling, I was interested in the riders endurance. They are basically riding for 6 hours up a mountain. I believe it was the Italian Dolomites (which I fondly remember from a trip to Europe years ago). I found it interesting the way the fans interacted with the riders, basically running along side them and cheering them on. Many wore helmets or clown wigs in various coulours and at some points on the road, the crowds were so big I was amazed that the riders could get through. Anyway, a friend of mine called and we were chatting and I was watching the t.v., but not fully paying attention, you know what I mean. And then it happened. At first I wasn't sure what I was seeing, if it was an old clip or what, but it soon became apparent that it was happening before my eyes, and I have watched the clip a thousand times, and crack up every single time.
(NOTE: it was nice to see the winner, in a very exciting time trial to end the race, was a Canandian, and it was the first time a Canadian had ever won this race - woo hoo)
OK, here is the video - enjoy

Week 2, Day 2 (31 to go-make em count)

Weight 266.4

Ok, so my weight is going the wrong way.  I am about ready to give up, and it has nothing to do with the program. I'm not hungry..... this morning I'm thinking  "what the fuck is wrong with me".

Going to try and reel it back in today. Although at this point I'm not even sure the diet will work because I was eating "normal" for the last 3 or 4 days.  I have started the day with a good solid breakfast and lunch and dinner is planned out.... Time to try and execute the plan. 

This week I am going to try and incorporate some more exercise.  Last week I boxed Monday and Friday.  This week my goal is Boxing Monday, Wednesday, Friday. and some other light cardio (even walking) on Tuesday and Thursday.

Evening Update:  it's now 9:49 p.m  I am totally on target with calories with 517 used.  I have drank about 2.5 quarts of water, taken the detox, thyroid and Hgl, and I just came home from the gym after doing 15 minutes of cardio on the elliptical machine followed by 60 minutes of intense boxing workout, which included  30 minutes of one on one sparring and 30 minutes of intense bag work... I was so close to puking at the end, I just collapsed on the ground trying to catch my breath.... I easily burned 1000 calories tonight

I am feeling satisfied that I was successful today..... I AM A SUCESS...... I got this!

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Week II, Day 1 (

Weight : 265.3

Week one weight loss 5.5

Not a great start to the program. This week has to be better!

Friday, January 9, 2015

Phase II Day 6(34 to go)

Weigh in this morning 265.3

Disaster last night. Ate carbs :(

Today, no matter what, I will have a sucessful day!

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Phase II, Day 5 (35 to go)

Weight 233.4 (gain)

Need to reel it back in.  up 2lbs this morning. yesterday was a on plan from morning until about 7:30 when I got home after a stress filled day.  Ate dinner and then 3 or 4 tbs of peanut butter! 

NEED to have a good day today.  Did not get to work out last night. Since evening seems to be the problem, will make sure to go out tonight,  to the gym, not to G's place.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Phase II, Day 4 (36 to go)

weight: 261.4

Bad day all around.  Relationship stress, work stress

Ended up with 3 rounds of the absolute worst diarrhea I've had in a very long time.  Not sure if it's from the stress, or from my IBS acting up because of the change of diet, or the detoxing pills and veggie greens I am taking as part of this program.  Or if I'm just getting rid of all of the fat laden foods that I ate for the two days prior to starting Phase II.  Hopefully I will be better today, both my digestive track and my eating.  Will try to flush all the bad eating out of my system with lots of water today, but I have knocked myself out of ketosis (if I was in ketosis, I hadn't checked yet).

In the end I am happy with my progress, I am gonna let yesterday's binge slide and try and find other ways to cope today.   I am boxing tonight so I shouldn't have a problem, since I won't have any food around me tonight. 

Of Note today:

- terrible diarrhea

Weight today: 251.4
Calories yesterday  1422
Carbs: 127
Fat 61
protein 80
Fibre 17

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Phase II Day 3 (37 to go)

Definitely feeling tired this morning, my headache has not completely subsided but feels a little better today.  Currently cooking some ground been. Don't think I can do fish again today.  Thinking ground beef with spinach leaves. 

Starting to re-think the boxing during the 500 calorie phase... I feel like it really wiped me out.  Will try Wednesday and Friday and see if I feel the same and will make a decision on whether to switch to weights for the next month.

Of Note:

Weight today: 253.4
Calories yesterday 534
Carbs: 27
Fat 9
protein 85
Fibre 12

Monday, January 5, 2015

Phase II - Day 2 (38 to go)

 Weight : 265.6

Totally was not expecting a 5lb drop on the first day, but hey, I'm not complaining.  Still have the remnants of a headache, which I will chalk up to detoxing.  Did not sleep fantastic last night, and woke up 3x to pee.  I'm told that the 4 quarts of water will help flush the toxins out of my system. 

Today I ended the day taking in 534 calories, but I worked out tonight - 60 minutes of boxing.... pretty high cardio (because I have been  off for the last two weeks) I would think my 1 hour session burned approx. 600 - 700 calories. 

I have been right on with my drops, and pills and today I drank 4 quarts of water (1 big cup of Green tea is included in that figure).  It will be interesting to see if the workout and the going slightly over my calories will impact my weight tomorrow. I took a look tonight and it is exactly the same as what it was this morning.  It generally drops a  bit overnight. These changes are exciting. Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Of Note Today:

Weight 265.6
Calories: 502
Protein: 77
Fibre: 12

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Phase II, Day 1 of 40 - Here we go

This mornings weight - 270.8

Woke up with a headache, possibly because of the rain outside, possibly because of the crap I have been eating for two days.... off to the grocery store to pick up the food that I need for this week.

Had a black coffee this morning and 1 scoop of the Dynamic greens (chocolate flavour) which wasn't bad at all......  took my thyroid pill and my detox pill, and one 1/2 dropper of Hcg.  

Woot woot, here we go, official "before" pics.  they are actually not as bad as my original "before" pics(ok trying to find a positive in a very hard negative situation).  I will try and post updated pics weekly and hopefully there will be a big difference. 

Today, day 1 has been a pretty good one... I made one slip up and had coconut milk.  It was a mistake, and I dumped the rest of the carton down the drain. 

Of note today:

Calories 502
Carbs  28
Fat 8
Protein 77
Fibre 12
  Water:  4 quarts (128 oz)

Saturday, January 3, 2015

P1,D2 - Fat Load

Fat loading is messing with my head today, something weird about being on a diet and eating as much fat as you possibly can, but I will go with the flow even though I feel sick.  I set my cell phone alarm for every waking hour to take my HCG drops and took my detox pills.  This is just the beginning.  I feel fine, there are no apparent changes after the first day.  My plan for today is to do a light workout at the gym, clean out all of the unhealthy things from my kitchen(I don't want sugar and pop and that type of stuff in the house) and do a grocery shop and start to prep my food for the coming week. My scale still shows me at 270 this morning, and actually dipped slightly into the 260, but settled at 270. I expected to be up a bit. 

Going to post some before pictures today, so I can see my progress as I go along. 

Friday, January 2, 2015

NUTRI Hcg - day 1 Fat load

Phase I, day 1- fat load today, lots of eating which is playing with my head.  Not used to starting a diet and eating the most unhealthy food I can think of.   2 days of this along with lots of hCG hormones, and then my caloric intake drops down to 500 calories and NO fat a day.

Of note:
-Start weight 270 lbs (new scale reading) 
-hCG start time 7 o'clock

Calories  3,031   
Carbs       284                                                 
Fat   177g                                                                                               
Protein  94
Fibre   19

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Back at it

Well it's January 1, so I guess that's what drew me back to this page.  Last year started off full of promise, I got down to 230lbs ad was looking and feel great.  Then I injured my back, finally broke up with my guy of 5 years, went through a health scare, and went through a particularly stressful year at work and.... yada, yada yada.

Bottom line - I'm back.  healthy but heavy, but back, and ready to recommit.

A few goals for this year:

- To be at goal weight  (160 lbs)
- To be ready to fight (and best case scenario, have a boxing match completed)
- To feel confident enough in myself to be in a long term relationship (overcome trust and self confidence issues)
- Be eating clean
- compete in at least 1 triathlon  
- compete in at least 1 powerlifting competition  
- overcome flexibility issues 

I will add to this list by the end of this year...

Will do my initial weigh in tomorrow morning (just bought a new scale today).  I will be starting the NutrihCG diet plan on Saturday and will be posting about how I feel and the changes to my weight/body/energy etc.  

Phew, i am excited to get started.  Gonna make this an amazing year.  Will finish with a New Year quote I posted on facebook today:

    “I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.
    Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.
    So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze..., don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.
    Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.
    Make your mistakes, next year and forever.”
    ― Neil Gaiman