Friday, December 31, 2010

New Years Eve- a look ahead...

"you have to heal your mind and your heart before you can heal your body."




So here we are again, New Years Eve, a time that we can wipe the slate clean and get a fresh, new start. In the last few days I have been thinking about what I accomplished in 2010. Now on the surface I wasn't feeling like I accomplished much in 2010, mainly because my weight is pretty much the same now as it was at the beginning of the year. I was thinking that I failed but then started to really think about the year. In 2010, I climbed to the top of the CN tower in Toronto, which is the 2nd highest freestanding building in the *world* (over 1,700 steps and 140 flights), I also competed in, and completed a try a tri (mini triathlon). Not only was it a cold and rainy day, but I faced my fear of being judged in front of a group of people and swam 375m, followed by a 10k bike ride and finished it up with a 2.5k run. Thinking about completing the tri took me back about 10 years, watching my friends compete in a triathlon and I remember a friend asking me if I would ever do one. I didn't even think about it, I just answered absolutely not, I would never, ever in a million years be able to do one.... and 10 years later there I was- crossing the finish line. On top of this, I have faithfully attended every training session at the gym, 3x a week every week for a year. I have lifted 180lbs, I have biked a full marathon (26.2miles) on a stationary bike, and I have kick boxed my ass off.

I started off this post with a quote "you have to heal your mind and your heart before you can heal your body.". I have long believed that in order for me to change my life, and become the person that I feel is the real me, I needed to heal my mind and my heart. The best part about this year, is that I feel like I have done this. For the first time in my life I feel like I am *enough*. I am pretty enough,interesting enough, strong enough, good enough, funny enough. I no longer live my life feeling inferior to everyone around me. I have lived my entire life remaining tight in a bud, and I feel like in the last year I have given myself permission to blossom.

In closing, I think it is fair to say that 2010 has been a huge sucess for me, I feel like I am moving into the final phase, changing my body on the outside into a size that enables me to reach my fitness goals in 2011, oh and do I have some goals for 2011. I am going to complete a full triathlon, and I am going to get myself into tip top kickboxing fighting shape. The best thing for me is that I think I have inspired my older sister. She plans on quitting smoking, she joined a fitness center and is going to start a running program. We have decided to do a 5k together in October (CIBC run for a cure). Yup, 2011 is going to be a fantastic year!

Happy New year everyone!!!

Friday, December 17, 2010

Fantastic workout

Just wanted to document my workout today. I have been wearing my bodybugg to calculate my calories burned. Today I went in early and did about 15 mins run/jog intervals and another 5 uphill walking, then 30 minutes on the bike, Then I had my training session so did another 10 minutes of walking to warm up again. In this timeframe I burned about 300 calories. Then I started my boxing session, which I must say is getting more demanding each week (in a good way) A lot of hard punching combos and foot work (high cardio) in between. After that I did some Polish boxing (running on the spot and punching upward- kills the shoulders) and finished off with a few sets of crunches (my trainer punches me hard in the abs to make sure I am crunching properly, if I don't it hurts). Today when I was done, I was exhausted.... every ounce of energy was left in that workout. I am proud that I didn't give up. I didn't give in to the burn..... My calories burned for the 1 hr boxing - 900. So for the two hours I burned 1200 calories, which is just under the calorie allotment of food that I have per day.

I am feeling pretty good about this :)

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Resistance training

First day of my vacation today, and I still had to wake up at 6:00 to train at the gym. I totally didn't mind since I am more of a morning person anyway. Todays training was something new, something different and was extrememly challenging. I spent the last hour googling to find out the name of what I was doing and I had to wear a resistance training belt, which had resistance bands (I believe there were about 4 or 5) that attache to the belt. My trainer asked me if I would wear the belt, which I thought was nice of him, I said I would as long as it fit and I didn't look like a pig in a fit....lol

Now I was basically running while my trainer pull the opposite direction, thus causing the resistance. My goodness, this was brutal. My chest felt like it was going to explode and my legs were burning, but my God, I did it. Here is picture to demonstate what it looks like:



Now at one point when I felt absolutely done, and was bent over gasping for air, my trainer turned my body so that I was facing the mirror, then layed on the ground in front of me (so that I could see my reflection) and pulled on the cords, which cinched in the belt around my waist. My waist looked TINY. He reminded me that this is what is underneath the fat, this is the real me. I swear, I worked a little bit harder from that point on. :)

So I also did some lunge stretches and some sit ups to round out the hour, plus 10 minute running to warm up (half mile). After my training session, I hit the stationary bike and did a 10 minute (4 mile) interval on the bike, then jumped off and hit the mat and did some leg stretching, followed by plank position. Then back to the bike etc. So I did 30 minutes on the bike and about 15 minutes on the mat. In all I worked out for just under 2 hrs and burned 800 caloris. And the best part is.... I am going to do it all over again tomorrow.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

quote of the day..

"I have plenty of fear. You just have to be able to go in the face of that fear. Don't let the fear paralyze you. If I didn't have fear I wouldn't be human."

Kyle Garlet (from cancer survivor to heart transplant recipient to Ironman)

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Expecting a huge gain and progress pic

I have had a horrific week weigh watchers wise. The new program is up on the weight watchers sight and since I do not yet have the new material, I gave myself permission to not track, and eat everything in my path. I am also switching over to winter clothes today so I am expecting a gain in the 8 to 10 lb range. Now I did not eat 35,000 extra calories this week, but I did eat lots of salty, snacky food as well as carbs, carbs and more carbs combined with basically no water this week. Anyway, I feel like shit and cannot wait to start the new points plus this week.

(UPDATE: I gained 8.4lbs..... holy crap-a-roonie batman...... )

In order to make myself feel a bit better, and at the request of a friend for progress pics, I took a few new photos this morning in my gym wear. I actually like the way my body looks. My body is starting to feel really strong and looking at these pictures I can see that my body is starting to LOOK strong. My stomach is looking flatter and I can see that I am turning into the athlete that I sooooo desire to be. Here are the pictures:




oh, and here once again is my "before" photo

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Happy Birthday Daddy- o




Today my Dad turns 74! He spent the day putting up his Christmas tree and was up on a ladder hanging christmas lights on his eavestroughs in minus 14 degree weather! Born in a tiny Caribbean island of St. Vincent and the Grenadines, and raised from the age of 11 in the Dutch speaking island of Curacao (he went to a tutor and spoke fluent Dutch, and Papimento, the local dialect, within a few months). He learned to race bicyles there and found the love of exercise. Lifting weights and road racing, he was a fit, strong athlete.... until he got hit by a car and broke both collarbones!

After his racing dreams ended, he moved to England at 19 where he picked up a wife and had a daughter (my Mom and sister) and then on to the great white North- Canada. He went back to school to learn a trade, worked long hours to provide for us but still had time to make us an ice rink in the back yard every winter, and put in a pool for the summer. In his early 40's he learned how to skate and then joined a mens hockey league, where he learned to love the game. He watched the love of his life die from cancer, and found love again with a much younger woman, has recently taken up golf, and smoking cigars and loves to do pilates right along with the infomercials, when they are on t.v.

Happy 74th birthday Dad. You have always been and continue to be my hero :)

(btw. yeah in the picture above, I would be the kid with the cubby tummy- lol)

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Saturday weigh in

After Meeting Update-
Start weight - 250 lbs
Current weight - 233.8
Weekly loss- 3.4
Loss to date- 16.2

After missing a few weigh ins, I went yesterday and was happy with the results. Down 3.4lb for a total lost since August of 16.2. This averages 1.2 lbs per week. NEXT STOP THE 220'S

This week marks the real beginning of the Christmas season for me. Yesterday my 9 yr old niece called and asked if she could come stay over and do some Christmas baking. Well I ended up doing the baking and she did the tasting- lol. I made thumbprint cookies, peacan puffs (these are pure heaven), date squares (bombed), and a huge pot of chili. This morning I woke up and made a banana bread and mini quiche. Now of course I tried a couple of cookies and squares. I packed up the entire banana bread and most of the cookies for my sister and her family and will take the balance to work tomorrow.

I spopped by my older sisters house yesterday and she told me she is losing some weight and going to the gym every day. I asked if she had quit smoking(she is a heavy smoker) and she said that is next on her list, we talked about it and she agreed that having a goal for next year that would make her not want to smoke would help. Soooooo, she has tenatively agreed to do a 5k run next October. The CIBC run for a cure (for breast cancer). Yay, this makes me so excited and happy. I am going to start working on my younger sister now to train for the 5k. I would love nothing more than to do this, the 3 or us together.

Onward and downward

Thursday, December 2, 2010

My Ass 1 ... Burgers and doughnuts 0

The battle of me vs junk has been intense for many years, with more often than not, junk winning. Today two huge gingerbread houses were delivered to work, and were sitting on the counter top on the other side of my workstation (where I could smell all of that gingery yumminess.) Then someone had the audacity to place a huge box of Timbits ( mini doughnuts for those who have never been graced with Tim Hortons sinfulness) on the same counter. I managed to survive without touching any of that (even when left alone in the office for over an hour knowing that they were sitting on the counter.

I almost caved on my drive home though, when the most delightful smell of home cooked burger wafted into my car. There is a stretch of truck stops along this particular road and I KNOW they make the tastiest, most lovely home made burgers and oh the onion rings are to die for. My car inexplicably started to change lanes slowly getting nearer to the entrance to the restaurant from where the amazing smells originated. Somehow I managed to ask myself (this was said out loud) that a burger and rings was not going to get me to my goal now was it. What did I REALLY want - a burger and fries right now.... or to compete in a sprint triathlon next summer. I was no longer under the spell of the burger and rings...

MY ASS 1 Burgers and doughnuts 0
(the never ending battle rages on)

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Christmas Wish list

I am putting up my Christmas tree today. As I was busy moving the branches about, and getting the decorations ready, I started to think about Christmas and what do I really want for Christmas (as family and friends have been asking for weeks now). I really and truly do not want anything. I have never been big on the commercial aspect of Christmas. I get the most pleasure out of socializing and re-connecting with friends and family that we rarely get to see during the busy year.

The only thing that I want is to succeed in becoming fit and healthy. Then an idea began to form in my head. I am not one to set any goals for myself because I tend to feel horrible when I fail, but I thought it might work wonders for me if I actually set a goal and rather than assume I will fail, push myself harder than ever in order to succeed, hmmmm now there is a thought that is foreign to me- lol.

So my goal is to lose 10 lbs by December 31, 2010. My starting weight is 237.2 so I need to see my weight get down to 227.2 by the end of this year and will put me in a good position to get to start off my new block of personal training sessions in January. I will be on vacation from the middle of December until the end of the year, so I should have a lot of time to spend at the gym and planning healthy meals. I will continue to remind myself that the holidays is about catching up with friends and family, and is NOT about overeating.

Has anyone else set any challenges to keep you on track over the holidays? Have you in the past? Has it worked? Post a comment and let me know.

Sunday cookoff

Well I was up early this morning preparing some meals for the week. Some are just sides, like plain old brown rice, some are breakfasts like steel cut oats. I want to document this more for myself going forward to get some ideas for easy things to make, and also to remind myself that I always do much better when I prepare for the week on Sundays :)

1. Brown rice and steel cut oats. I will be eating each of these in very small quantitites.



2. Mini Quich cups with red pepper, mushroom, spinach, onion, cheddar cheese a bit of centre cut bacon..... 2 cups = 1.5 w.w. points






3. roasted sweet potato and chicken, with bacon, rosemary and onions and garlic. Serves 4 at 6 points per serving

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Back to Basics

I have been hit with many financial burdens in the last month. Helping my niece out with college, paying for 2011 full year gym membership, Christmas, and all the normal struggles that we all face financially. Then this week, I found out that there is a Dr. in my general area who fits patients with a hearing aid to stop people from stuttering. My 25 year old Nephew stutters and has since he was about 5. He is not in a financial position to pay the 5k required for this hearing aid type device but I know if it could stop him from stuttering it would change his life. I told him in the New Year we will put together a plan to get him this device. And finally, my personal fitness sessions are almost done. For a week now, I have seriously considered not continuing with my trainer, but finally decided that I need to finish this journey. I am signing up for 100 hrs of training which will start in January and end in October of 2011. Financially, I will have no money to do much else in the next year but decided that's ok, cause it will give me more time to spend in the gym.

This has got to be it for me though. I have to give this next 11 mos everything I have got. In the two years I have been on this journey, I have changed so much. I am so much more confident in myself. I now walk with my head held high, and know that I am fantastic. I am beautiful, and I deserve nothing but the best out of life. Now, the only thing I want to prove to myself is that I am an athlete. I gave up on athletics when I was about 9 because I felt I was too fat to be an athlete. Now in my 40's I am going to prove that I am an athlete.

In January I am going to sign up to do a Sprint Triathlon in September of next year. That consists of a 750m open water swim, a 20k bike ride and a 5k run. This is double the distance I did in June of this year. My goal is to put everything into training for this which means I will probably focus a lot of my blog towards my training in order to keep me motivated. I am not too worried about the 20k bike (although the course is up will most of the first 10k) and although the swim portion almost stopped me dead in my tracks last June, I think I can manage it. It is the 5k run that scares me the most, so that is what I will need to focus on the most.

I am hoping that in the process of getting to the tri, I will be able to get to my goal weight, or at least pretty close to it.

So here I go again.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Saturday cook off

I woke up this morning with a splitting headache and decided not to go to weight watchers this morning. Weigh in on my home scale showed me down 1.5lbs though. This week took a bit of white knuckling to stay on track. I am still trying to marry the idea of weight watchers points with the low carb/high protein plan that has finally started to show me some sucess.

So today, I am preparing for the week, mostly high protein, low carb dishes, that above all else does not include extra lean ground beef (LOL, have been eating a lot of this the last 3 weeks).

So far I have made breakfast quiche to go, which doesn't look too pretty, but tastes good, full of protein and veggies and no carbs. Plus two of these suckers are only 1 w.w. point. They also have low fat cheddar cheese in them. What could be better. Here is a picture or two:




Next, I made a pan of sweet potato rounds, with onion and rosemary and olive oil:





Finally, a co-worked mentioned she made chicken breast baked with a slice of bacon on it, and it was fantastic. I was buying groceries and that popped into my head. Then I saw turkey scalopini(sp) in the store and also got some centre cut bacon (1 point for two thin slices) and an idea started to form. I mixted together hummus (jalepeno hummus cause that's what I had) with 1/3 cup low fat cheddar and rosemary, and put a dollop on the turkey scalopini, then rolled it up and put a slice of bacon on top. Then I wrapped it all up in parchment paper and it is in the oven right now.... and it smells devine. The best part is each roll (I made 5) is only 4 points:




Just looked at the pictures of the turkey and it doesn't look very appetizing - lol. It tastes absolutely AMAZING though. I plan on pairing it with broccoli, and a bit of brown rice for dinner a couple of days this week.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Weekly weigh in and a Happy Belated Rebirth-Day

After Meeting Update-
Weight Watchers Start weight - 250 lbs
Current weight - 237.2
Weekly loss + 0.8
Weight Watcher Loss to date- 12.8

Total Loss(start date JUN 08 276): 38.8

Not too sure what happened this week, my food intake has been on track, the only difference is that I have been just stretching at the gym, no hard core cardio workouts. I will up the cardio this week and see what happens.

November 8 marked my 2 year anniversary of quitting smoking. The best part for me is that I forgot the date and this signifies to me that smoking truly is no longer a part of my life- thoughts of smoking never cross my mind,and I do not crave a cigarette - period. I have taken a moment today to think about my decision to walk into a hypnotherapists office and be open minded enough to think that being hypnotized could help me to quit smoking. It worked and I will always think of that day (even though I forgot it- haha) as my rebirth- day, that was the beginning of change for me, that was the first step.

So, Happy Rebirth-day to me :)

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Thursday Ramblings

Today I went into the gym for a little cardio workout. It's funny, but with all the stretching I was actually starting to miss running. I hit the treadmill and did a fartlk. I warmed up for two minutes with a walk, then ran one minute, walked one minute, ran two minutes, walked one, ran three minutes, walked two, ran four minutes, walked two, ran three, walked two, ran two, walked one, ran one, walked four to cool down a bit. So in all I ran for 16 minutes and walked 14 for a total of 30 minutes. My lower body feld a lot better today, no pain, no soreness, and I was able to run even the longest 4 minute interval without gasping for breath, so that was good. Keeping in mind my run intervals were all at 4.2 mph, which really is a slow jog, but I will work my speed up. Then I jumped onto the bike and did a 6 mile, 15 minute ride. All in all a pretty good off day workout.

This afternoon I went to visit my cousin who just had a tummy tuck operation. Now she is a tiny little thing (like about 5 ft 2 and wears a size 5) but she has had 2 babies which both stretched the skin on her tummy and separated the lower abdominal muscles and stuck out like a tummy. She did not feel good about her body and after trying very hard to rectify the situation with exercise, she decided to do the tummy tuck. I got lots of information from her about what is is like and the pain level etc.... Other than the first couple of days, it really didn't sound all that bad. I'm not entirely sure I will do one, but it was good to know that if it is an option I decide to pursue, I have someone who can guide me along the way.

In all it's been a bit of a crazy day, and ended with a mindless binge by me tonight. I found a box of fibre one bars in my cupboard and decided to open it and have one.... ummm yeah. I ate all 6! That is 600 calories and 12 points. I am going to just count it and forget about it... it's done and it shouldn't hinder my weigh in this week as I am still within my points. My tummy is really rebelling though....

Monday, November 8, 2010

There is no greater joy in life....

Than being able to touch your toes, am I right? You see when I started working with my trainer two years ago, he asked me to bend over and touch my toes or to go as far as I could. I was able to touch my fingertips to my knees. Thats it!

While I have progressed in strength and cardio, I was a bit slower progressing in the flexibility department. So last week my trainer put all other training on the back burner and we began stretching for a full hour, three times a week for 3 weeks. I have slowly gotten better and better. Today I was able to sit on the mat on the floor and reach over and touch my toes. Now I have to bend at the knee and then slowly bob my legs until they are just about straight, but to me that is close enough. I tried again tonight to reach down and touch my toes, and yup I can do it.

To me this represents hope. I never in a million years expected to get any relief from my back pain, or leg pain when I started exercising with my trainer. All I was looking for was weight loss. What I got was a brand new lease on life, and if I, who could not bend forward and touch her knees, can now bend over and touch my toes, then what else is possible.... the answer my friends is ANYTHING.

Onward and Downward

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Weigh in and update

After Meeting Update-
Start weight - 250 lbs
Current weight - 236.4
Weekly loss- 2.6
Loss to date- 13.6

So another good weigh in this morning at weigh watchers. I am officially done my two weeks hard core, no carbs and was down 6lbs in two weeks. I am happy with that. At my gym weigh in on Friday, my trainer confirmed that 4 of the 6 lbs lost is fat with the other two being water. This means that I did not lose any muscle mass, which is great news.

So, now that the cravings are out of the way, I can concentrate on phase 2, I am going to slowly re-introduce carbs and fruit back into my diet and see what happens this week. I will have fruit once or twice a day and a serving of carbs (only 1 serving) on the weekends. I may change this up, depending on how my body reacts. Eveything will be complex carbs though.

My actual workouts have been suspened for 3 weeks while I partake in an extensive stretching program with my personal trainer. I was actually able to touch my toes while sitting with my legs out straight in front of me, which to me is a miracle. I bought a foam roller today to work on loosening up the muscles in my lower back and backs of my legs. It apparently has the same effect as doing deep tissue massage therapy, so I will give it a shot. I did some at the gym and I do know that it is very painful, but the results make it worth while. If you are wondering what this is, here is a picture.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Plugging along

Made a huge pot of Chili yesterday, mostly veggies, but with a bit of extra lean ground beef. Points work out to 2.5 points per cup, which isn't bad at all as I find it very filling with all of the veg.... I should be able to get by on 1.5 cups for lunches this week. I am missing fruit this week. I cannot wait to get to the grocery store next weekend and buy some fruit. I still do not miss the carbs too much, and the weird thing is that food is not constantly on my mind like it used to be.

What was on my mind yesterday was Hurricane Tomas that was scheduled to hit the tiny island of St. Vincent and the Grenadines yesterday afternoon. You see, my father was born and raised there and while I do not have any immediate family living there, I have a lot of relatives there. I know how tiny the island is and the thought of it being hit by this hurricane had me pretty upset. Many cousins who live there were posting on facebook yesterday morning and then the posting just stopped. I later found out that the Government shut down all of the power on the island as a safety precaution.

This morning we have received word that everyone seems to be ok. Apparently there is millions of dollars worth of damage, roofs torn off, trees crashed into houses, but thankfully the centre of the storm passed just between them and the island of St. Lucia. This could have been much worse. They say the storm is now picking up intensity as it moves towards Haiti. Hopefully it will not hit them, they have already had to deal with so much.

Here is a picture of the spectacular island of St. Vincent(If anyone saw the movie Pirates of the Caribbean - much of it was filmed in St.Vincent )

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Official weigh in (weight watchers)

I was down 3.4lbs, which is great, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't dissapointed. Anyway, as long as I keep losing, I am happy.... Here are my stats to date:

After Meeting Update-
Start weight - 250 lbs
Current weight - 239
Weekly loss- 3.4
Loss to date- 11

Off to do some cooking for the week.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Had a weigh in at the gym this morning and......

I was down 6.5 lbs since my last weigh in at w.w. two weeks ago. Hurrah, I have moved well into the 230's which I have been trying to do for over a year. Tomorrow morning is my official weigh in but I'm quite sure the scale there weighs me lighter than the gym.

Onward and Downward.....

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Carb Free day 4 - scale woes and progress pic

Today I was worried about being able to stay on program with a pot luck lunch at work. Well I am very happy to say that I stayed carb free.... Mind you I had a small piece of KFC chicken, just made sure to remove all traces of the skin and coating, had a black bean and corn salad, which i separated out the corn and pushed them to the side with the chicken skin... There were lots of great looking things including lots of desserts, but I mananged to keep my eye on the prize.

I have a pair of dress pants I bought about 6 years ago when I reached 228lbs (on a previous weight loss attempt) I never actually fit into before I gained back all of my weight. Today I wore them to work and they fit perfectly. i know I am nowhere near 228 yet, but I must have lost a bit for them to fit..... they are a size 16 .... Now I have written before about ditching my scale into the trunck of my car so I couldn't obsess over the scale right.... well tonight I grabbed it from the truck to take a peek at how far I have come.... well I dropped the scale on the parking lot (concrete) floor plus it has been pretty cold out which I assume would play havoc with my scale. Well I hope so because it is weighing me 10lbs heavier than I was at my last weigh in two weeks ago... Arrrrrrgh, the damn scale is going back into the truck tomorrow..... after I check my weight one more time in the morning.

I have notices a change in my arms and shoulders recently, and I find myself staring at them when I am drying my hair or looking in the mirror... Tonight I took a picture of what it is that I am seeing and I am just loving the definition I am getting in my arms and shoulders. Here is a picture (please don't mind the bags under my eyes or the ratty tank top I am wearing lol...

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Day 3 Carb Free and Fitness Test part Deux

Still hanging in with the no carbs. I feel strangely satisfied today. No hunger pains, no cravings and still within my weight watchers points for the day. Tomorrow is a huge challenge as we are having a pot luck at work. I glanced at the list of things and there are not very many good choices... In fact I may end up eating a small piece of KFC chicken (I know it's a potluck, but the lawyers always bring KFC) with the skin removed and some salad and veggies. Other than that not much to report. I am feeling lighter and am tempted to retrieve my scale from the trunk of my car to see what I weigh in at..... but I will wait until Saturday and my official weigh in.

So today at the gym was part two of my fitness test. This one dealt with strength exercises. I can remember all so I will just make note of a few things. Pull up (on a pull up machine) last time I did 11, this time I did 25...leg press -I topped it out at 290lbs, which is what I did last time, although because my back was hurting me we didn't hit "muscle beach" and the big boy weight machines to see what I could do.... finally, we hit the arm press( which I think is equivalent to doing a bench press only you are pushing the weight out in front of you) So last time I did 135, and this time I did 185..... Now I thought that seemed like a decent amount and a pretty good weight so I asked my trainer if that was good.... his response" ah yes it's good, how many girls do you know who can press 185lbs" hehehe, finally redemption from my less than stellar cardio day!

Feeling good about everything right now, just trying to find my groove and I know there will be no stopping me...... "the real me" is so close now, I can feel it

Onward and downward

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Day 2 carb free

Still within my weight watchers points ( used 2 weekly ponts) and still carb free. I am feeling a little bit of the effects of withdrawing from carbs- cranky, slight headache, a bit tired, but then it is rainy and yuky here so that could also be the reason.

Food wise - today was a pretty much a repeat of yesterday except instead of eating lettuce or spinach, I ate brocoli slaw. Not bad. I am giving myself some time to get used to this new way of eating and can't wait to start trying some recipes.... My co-worker has already opened my eyes to how much better roasted almonds are to regular almonds, as well as the fact that tzaziki sauce is very tasty as well as being carb free and low in points.

Last night or this morning I woke up recalling a dream that I was having.... I was at a market and was lining up to buy a raspberry pie and beef patties.... the line up was around the block, but I didn't care, I just wanted me some carbs.... lol Dreaming about them is ok, as long as I stay away from them while awake....

Does anyone have any experience with the South Beach diet- either good or bad? Somebody told me that it is a bad idea and that I will be forced into a state of ketosis and basically my body will start to eat my mucle mass. I truly think that doing no carbs for only two weeks will not cause any damage and it it gets rid of the cravings and binges, then I am all for it. Any thoughts are welcome (as always)

Monday, October 25, 2010

Monday Update

So this morning at the gym, my trainer surprised me with a fitness test. Damn, I didn't have time to worry about it all weekend... haha. After my 1/2 mile run to warm up we hit the rowing machine. I have not been on this since my last fitness test 8 mos ago. The goal is to do 1000m in 2 minutes or less. Last time I did it in 2 min 14 sec and was totally exhausted. Today I did it in just under 2 minutes. I was tired i.e breathing hard, but had energy to spare. Next step ups. The dreaded step ups. In two minutes I did 41 step ups. Last year I did 51, and the benchmark is 71- blarge, that sucked. Next back to the treadmill to do a 1 mile run...after th step up disaster I kicked it up a notch- or tried to anyway. I finished 1 mile in 14 minutes flat.... previous time was just over 17 minutes. I was disappointed in this simply because I have workes so hard on building my cardio.

I told my trainer that I was feeling discouraged that I only beat my time by 3 minutes and then he told me what my time was the very first fitness test I did two years ago.... wait for it......40+ minutes. So in the last 8 months I shaved off 3 minutes, but in the last two years I shaved off a mere 26 minutes. WOW, I like that a lot better.

Next it was on to pushups which I totally suck at. Could only do 11 vs 17 last time. And finally I did the plank position for 46 seconds vs 31 last time(these are just approximate as I totally forget the times)

Today was also day 1 incorporating South Beach into my weight watchers plan. So far so good. I was actually on target for my daily points and felt like I ate a ton of food. Here is a breakdown without the portion sizes (cause I'm too lazy to look them up)

m1: two egg omelette with canadian bacon and shallots

m2: cheese string

m3: spinach leaves, cucumber and tomatoes with grilled chicken on top with a drizzle of oil and balsamic vinegar.

m4: 15 almonds

m5: taco salad - extra lean beef with mushrooms and taco seasoning, over a bed of spinach leaves and fresh tomatoes. Add a couple dollops of low fat sour cream and 1/4 c of low fat cheese. I just finished this and feel full, full full.

Now I am off to the gym to do some stationary bike riding. My goal is to burn 3000 calories per day and I need a second workout to be able to push me over that mark

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Biggest Loser 7 - Bob's Freakout Extended

My favorite Biggest Loser moment



Changing things up again

I am continuing on my never ending quest to find out what works for me. I feel like my eating "problems" stem from not finding the right balance of foods for my body. I have been thinking a lot about one of my fellow bloggers (and friend) CD Blueberry, who has been on a mission over the last few years to figure out some things going on in her life. She has recently stopped eating gluten, along with other things, but for me, gluten and carbs are the biggies. I tend to eat a lot of white pasta, and wraps and constantly crave sugar etc. I also have a co-worker who is following the South Beach diet and has lost about 80lbs since the beginning of the year. Now I have no desire to stop following weight watchers but I have decided to incorporate some of the South Beach diet into my weight watchers plan. i.e. lower the carb intake. I have started to read a book outling this diet and am ready to incorporate phase 1 into my life - So for the next two weeks I am on a very limited diet - no fruit or fruit juices, and no carbs, of any kind. This is supposed to get rid of cravings to sugar and carbs. I will still follow the point totals of weight watchers and continue to track etc, I will just be choosing my foods differently. I guess it can't hurt and the book says you will lose up to 16lbs, mostly off your tummy in the first two weeks (and then it slows to 2lbs per week) I am not looking for a quick fix here, I am just looking to unlock the key to this weight loss puzzle.

So, today I went grocery shopping and bought all of my food for the week - things like chicken, shrimp, and steak, as well as Canadian bacon. I can have eggs and lots of fresh veggies and fish and low fat cuts of meat. I am excited to see how this plays out. I cannot imagine not craving donuts and baked goods and chips and chocolate, but I will give it a try.

As a final note I just wanted to make note of my calorie burn last week and attempt to do a little bit better this week:

Sunday: 5k on treadmill 49 mins = 640 calories burned
Monday: cardio day 1hr 10 mins = 661 calories burned
Wednesday: kickboxing 1 hr 20 mins = 695 calories burned
Wednesday night: hill walking on treadmill 45 mins =323
Note: on Wednesday my total calorie burn for the day was 3066!
Onward and Downward

Sunday, October 17, 2010

5k update and tales from the scale

So today I was supposed to do a 5k race in Downtown Toronto, but due to a nagging knee injury, I backed out. I promised my trainer I would give the 5k a go at the gym today so at least I could stop or slow down to a slow walk if my knee was hurting.

Anyway off I go I was doing ok for the first mile, and slowed down a lot for the second mile and while starting the third mile I realized I was pretty close to being able to catch last years 5k time, so I started to really push myself by alternating sprints at 5.5mph and then a fast walk at 3.7mph to catch my breath. I was so focused I did not notice anyone around me I was just pushing myself. Sweat was dripping off of my face and my face was red my shirt drenched.

It came down to the wire but I ran out the last 0.10 miles at 6mph and as soon as I reached the 5k mark on the treadmill counter, I slammed my hand down on the stop button and was doubled over trying deparately to catch my breath. I lifted my beet red, dripping sweat face up only to see the woman two treadmills down, looking at me with a mixture of concern and awe!

I just lookd at her and said" Thank God that is over with" and we both cracked up with laughter...

Oh and I shaved just over a minute off of last years time... my time was 48 minutes and 12 seconds.

Yesterday I went back to weight watchers after a two week "falter". I was up 0.4 which I take as a victory really. I am starting again, I pulled out my bodybugg and hit the gym and have been cooking up a storm so I am prepared for the week and I will give it another whirl..... one day this is all gonna come together :)

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Survived High Cardio day! Phew

So I am battered and bruised (literally) but I made it through high cardio day! My day consisded of a series of high bursts of speed running and then 2 min rests in between. At one point I had to jog across a room while holding my arms straight out in front of me holding on to those stretchy bands...... my trainer was behind me adding tension to the bands- ummmmm lots of tension. I felt like I was running on a 45 degree angle leaning forward. The worst part was when I had to have the stretchy bands aroung my waist with my trainer providing the tension behind me. I had to jump out and down and touch a cone on the floor, then move laterally to the next cone. This just about killed me it was so hard and I had to do it over and over and over again..... In fact last night I was changing and noticed a huge black bruise on my stomach from where the band was digging into me. I didn't do very good today, but that is normal the first time I do something new, I hold back a bit, so I know I will be better next week :)

Off to do some shopping today and going to visit an old friend tonight that I haven't seen in ages. Happy Thanksgiving to all my Canadian friends.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Boxing update and truly scared about Friday's workout

Yesterday I had boxing training... I really need to get some video footage of my workouts because it is hard to describe in writing. Today I did lots of combos jab, cross hook, then my trainer would take a swipe at me (I had to make sure my hands were up to block or risk getting clocked in the face) And I did lots of footwork today. If you've ever watched boxing there feet are always moving. I started doing that yesterday and it made me feel like fricken Mohammad Ali - lol.... So much so that I totally forgot what hand combo I was supposed to be doing and just started throwing random punches at my trainer..... hahaha I had to stop and apologize and tell he I got a bit carried away with all the footwork.

Now tomorrow begins my first HIGH cardio session. I truly am worried because my regular cardio session that I do on Mondays are killers. I am not sure what I could possibly do to make my cardio session HIGH- I have a feeling there are going to be some yelling, and possibly some tears tomorrow, but I have to admit, I am also a little bit excited because I know I will get through it and be stronger and faster and a few steps closer to my goal once it is done. The best part will be knowing that I looked at the fear that I am feeling straight in the eye and had enough faith in myself to know I can do it. This is probably the biggest change I have made so far.

Speaking of change, I am off to cut my hair tonight - finally. Still undecided on whether to cut it all off short(shoulder length) or to leave it long.... hhhhhhmmmmm I'll see what my stylist thinks.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Gym update

Do you ever have those days when you say to yourself "who the hell are you anyway"? I had one of those days today.... Perhaps it's because I was looking through pictures of my journey so far and remembering all the pain associated with my life a few years ago. Both internal and external pain. I can see the sadness in my face, my body is twisted because of the back issues that left me in constant pain... and at my lowest point almost killed me, when I lay in my bed after hurting the disc in my back and then not being strong enough to pull my body up and out of my bed. I lay there for three days with no food, no water before I had to finally call my father to come and break into my condo to help me.

Today I was driving to work after my morning work out and was thinking about my workout today. My warm up consisted of a quick 1/2 mile run on the treadmill, followed by a full ab cycle and then a full running cycle. This cycle is done bootcamp style so you are runing around cones up and down, forward and backward etc. Each cycle is 2 mins with a 30 sec break in between sets..... It left me sweating and gasping for air and physically exhausted.... I had a 2 minute break and then went back to the treadmill to finish the day..... Now this is where the "who the hell are you anyway" part cames in... Somewhere deep inside of me there was this competitive spirit pushing up through me. I turned to my trainer and said - "I'm gonna run this sub 7 minutes" which has never been done before (by me obviously lol) My fastest time was 7:06, which was at the beginning of the session while my energy level is high and my average time is about 7:30... So what did I do today

6:30 baby..... It took every last ouce of energy, but I did it and it was yet another reminder that I am moving forward on this journey and I am finding out the the real me is strong, and fit and healthy and can do absolutely anything that she puts her mind too.

Life is good!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Week in review -weight watchers missed meeting

Wow, it's been a bit of a crazy week. Tuesday I was out of town giving a training session to a group at a law firm we deal with. I am absolutely terrified of speaking in front of a group and I have to say, the day went amazingly well. On Wednesday, I pulled something in my back while warming up and preparing to kick box. At first I was devastated but quickly turned it into a positive when after two days the pain was virtually gone and I am back at 100%. In the past, this injury would have resulted in months of pain, barely being able to move, on the onset of depression over my never ending back issues. I believe that the strength I have built up in my back and core is the reason for the quick recovery and this gives me lots of hope.

Now yesterday was to be my weight watchers weigh in day. To be honest, my week was not very good food wise. I ate out at restaurants two days (still watched what I ate mind you) but didn't really track all week. Yesterday I was feeling really bloated and just didn't want to face a gain on the scale so I gave myself a pass. This is my one and only pass for the next 3 months, I promised myself I would not miss another meeting between now and the end of the year.

Instead of going to weight watchers, I met up with a good friend of mine and had a girls day. You see I generally go out to her place on the weeks (she lives in a different city) and go cycling with her husband. By the time we get back I am so exhausted I just want to come home so I thought it would be nice to just have a girls day. The funny thing is that when I got there, her husband had to bring me downstairs to see the boxing equipment he set up and show me a few boxing moves on the heavy bag before we left. haha I had make up on and my hair was all nice and the biggest thing (literally-lol) is that I wasn't wearing a sports bra so it was difficult to do anything....

We hit some stores, and actually for the first time in many years, I hit up a store that does not carry plus sizes at all - Ricki's has amazing clothes that range in sizes 0 - 18 meaning it is a "NORMAL" store. Yay. The bottoms still don't fit but I did buy 3 new tops all in size xxl, plus I bought a pair of pants, a sweater and a workout top at winners. I think I should be set for fall and winter now.

We finished our girls night out at a nice Italian restaurant where I had a pasta dish that was penne in a tomato sauce and lots of seafood, scallops, clams and squid, plus the two of us shared a bottle of red. We decided that from now on instead of spending money on crappy food at chain restaurants all the time, we would go out only once in a while and eat real, good, fresh food at nice restaurants for a treat. Both her and her husband have been very supportive of my weight loss efforts and I am glad to have them as friends.

Now today is my restock and prepare day. I have made a large pot of Pasta Fagioli (bean soup) which is 5 or 6 pts for two cups and very filling, which I will take for my lunch this week, as well as a pumpkin butter which is cooking right now and smells wonderful. I will add this to my oatmeal in the mornings and also put it on toast instead of butter.

This week I am going to try and make it to the gym 5 days this week. My training is upping the cardio from once to 2 times this week in preparation for my upcoming 5k race in a few weeks. Monday will be cardio, Wednesday will be kickboxing and Friday will be "intense" cardio. I'm not sure what the "intense" part entails but it sounds like it is going to be brutal!

Onward and Downward.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Weight Watchers Weigh in #6

After Meeting Update-
Start weight - 250 lbs
Current weight - 241.8
Weekly loss- 1
Loss to date- 8.2

This last week has been pretty good food wise although I only tracked about 20% of the time. The fact that I have removed my scale from my place made me a little bit nervous about weighing in this morning. I was down 1 lb and I feel a bit like I have dodged a bullet so I am really going to get back on the tracking bandwagon this week so that I don't have to be worried before next week's weigh in. As long as I track and stay within my points, I will have no fear of the scale. The plan is good, executing the plan is a bit more difficult.

In other BIG news, my trainer has discovered some flaws in the way that I walk, having flat feet is wreaking havoc on my posture, my enitre body is out of sync and this is what continues to cause the pain in my lower back. Get this, he said he was trying to figure out why I have pain in my lower back when my body is now so strong.... MY BODY and SO STRONG being used in the same sentance just blows my mind......

Finally I have to go out to a law firm we work closely with in my job and I realized I have nothing to wear. I really dress quite casually at my job and have just made due with my old clothes. I am currently wearing size 22 dress pants and tops that are just way too big, and I really feel like a slob and a horrible representation of our department if I show up like this next week. I asked my fashionista friend to take me out shopping yesterday and I picked up a beautiful dark grey sweater jacket in an extra large and I tried it on with a pair of dress pants I had previously bought which are a size 16. I was in the change room and I almost broke down in tears looking at myself in the mirror. I liked the way I looked and I was proud of my curvy figure. To actually like the person who was staring (and smiling) back at me was probably the best feeling I have had in a while.

Onward and Downward.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

personal training session today

was kickboxing. My first kickboxing session since I watched the fights on the weekend and proclaimed to my trainer that I want to step into the ring. It may seem a bit strange but I felt the need to work extra hard today, sort of to prove to my trainer that I am willing to put in the work to get to where I can actually fight in a ring. Oh boy, and work I did. I was exhausted by the time I was done..... sweat was dripping from my ponytail in the end and my shirt was drenched, but I worked really, really hard and I think did a solid job.

I just read back over my last few posts and realize I must seem a bit obsessed with this whole kickboxing thing and all I have to say is...... yup I certainly am!!!! lol

Monday, September 20, 2010

A plan is forming

I wrote about my night of being inspired by kickboxing and to be honest, have not thought of much else since. That athlete who resides deep with me is beginning to push its way out.... I can feel it... my internal dialogue is no longer screaming that I can't do it, my mind is now automatically telling me,"you got this - they are doing it, you can do it too"

Now I realize that this is still quite a ways off and it is going to take a lot of hard work on my part to get from where I am now, to getting into a ring and kick boxing but you know what, I never in a million years thought that I would be where I am today in comparison to where I was 2 years ago.

So this morning when my trainer met me at the gym, I told him I have made a decision, I want to kick box in a tournament..... then I followed it up with "now don't tell me I can't do it, even if you think I'm too old, or not skilled enough, just let me try and work towards it anyway" I guess there is still a little bit of the old me who doubts my abilities and has limitations on what I can do. My trainer, is on board with this. I have decided that I want to work towards losing 40lbs by January, which will take me to around 200lbs, and then I will join the hard core gym where I can train to fight.

I am super excited about this. I keep thinking about the day I joined the gym just under 2 years ago and telling my trainer that my goal was to do a try a tri..... he got excited about that goal and made it possible for me to get there..... and I have faith that he will be able to get me to this new goal as well.

Onward and downward

Saturday, September 18, 2010

kick boxing inspiration

Just home from watching the Kick boxing tournement and WOW, I am super inspired. There were about 10 fights on the card and about 3 of them were woman. In two of those fights the women were actually a lot bigger than I ever expected, in fact one woman was around the 200lb mark. They were awesome to watch and when I saw how the crowd was cheering them on..... I was in awe.... I want to be out there fighting. OMG I can't even believe that I said that but I do, I want to be in a kickboxing match.

Weight Watchers Weigh in #5

After Meeting Update-
Start weight - 250 lbs
Current weight - 242.8
Weekly loss- 3.6
Loss to date- 7.2

First weigh in sans daily weigh in and I was down 3.6. I will take it... Struggling a bit today as I am having some back pain, trying to tough it out. Went out for dinner last night and stuck with a pint of richards white and an order of chicken quesadilla which was not too bad on points, but then we decided to hit up demitres for dessert. Ummm yeah, coffee with milk, brownie cheesecake (I only ate 1/4 of it) and a bite of my friends strawberry crepe.

Tonight I am off to see a Kickboxing match.... try and learn some technique and be inspired.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Scale Update

The correct way to weigh yourself:


I can't believe I was doing it wrong all these years.

Now I have attempted to lose weight many, times, and I have changed things up many times however the one thing that I have never done for any length of time is weigh in ONLY 1 time per week. As previously posted I tucked my scale away into the trunk of my car, and while I am struggling with not weighing in 2 or 3 times a day, I found that I am being extra careful in following the program. Since I don't have the scale to tell me that I have a few pounds to play with, or telling me that I haven't lost anything, I can only rely on my abilty to follow plan..... and follow the plan is what I have done.

There was a woman at weight watchers on Saturday who has been at goal for 6 years and she said her secret is that she always writes in her food journal.... still, 6 years later she has not missed a day. She said on a previous attempt at losing, she would write in her journal Monday to Friday and then not write on the weekends. She said that she always lost a lot slower back then and was not nearly as sucessful. She was describing me - the 5 day a week weight watcher.

Over the next two weeks I am going to focus on being a full time weight watcher and once a week weigher inner (lol). I figure it can't hurt and anything that makes me more sucessful is definitely worth a try.

Day 4

Without my scale.... I was tempted to pull it out of my trunk this morning and weigh in on the concrete floor in the parking garage, then talked myself out of it- lol It is hard - and I mean really hard, to not weigh in, but, I think I am learning from this experience. Will write more later.... off to work.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Overcoming Failure: Its what you do next that matters

Weigh in number 4 was not kind to me. I was up 3.4 lbs. Now I know I did not eat an extra 10,000 calories over the last week so there are non food contributing factors..... my monthly "gift" being one of them. Now I started jumping on the scale yesterday morning and have stood on it about a million times since then. I know that these gains are going to happen and they will even themselves out, hopefully by next week. I also know that historically, these gains are what deflates my motivation, and basically causes me to jump off the wagon and stuff my face, even though this weeks gain is just a fluctuation due to something out of my control, by going completely off track that weight gain becomes a reality at next weeks weigh in.

In an effort to make this weight loss experience sucessful, I thought about what I could do to make this program work for me and more specifically change my behaviour when I have small gains, which I know IS going to happen again.

Number 1, is rather than give in, I gave myself a PEP talk all the way home from my meeting, reminding myself of all the wonderful things I have accomplished so far and all reason why I need to stay on track. This is merely a tiny blip on the radar and it really doesn't matter in the whole scheme of things.... what does matter though is how I rebound from this - what I do next.

Number 2, and I have spoken about this recently, is my scale. I am basing my sucess on the what the scale says and manipulating my plan based on the number on the scale. This morning I packed my scale up and threw it in the trunk of my car. I am going to focus my effort on my weight loss plan and exercise plan and refuse to let that darn scale mess with my mind! As much as I hate to admit it, getting rid of my scale is one of the hardest things I have done on this journey, but it is imperative that I learn to trust myself and base my sucess on how well I follow the program and NOT on what the scale says. By focusing on working the program, the scale will have no option but to comply!

I have just put on a crock pot with Osso Buco style stew (sp) as well as a smaller crock pot filled with Steel cut oats. I have been relying on processed food far too much in the last few weeks so I want to get back to basics, planning and cooking my meals for the week.

Onward and downward.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Hitting the trails....

So I have had a fantastic Labour Day weekend. Saturday night I went to see the Lost Boys, wow, they are a great bar band, they played lots of different kinds of music and there were a few people from the audience that came up to sing with them.. We asked them if they could play a song, and they told us that they could play it but one of us would have to sing..... ahhhhh a new though is forming..... bucket list item #12. Take singing lessons and then sing in front of an audience. I already know the song will be "What's going on" by 4 Non Blondes. Funny story from the bar.... a 29 yr old guy tried to pick me up- he
asked how hold I was and I asked how old he thought I was - he said 33, so I told him I was 44 and he said..... well your still hot as hell.....lololo, my friend and I laughed all the way home at that remark!

Yesterday I spent the entire day at family's place where they hold their annual horseshoe tournement... lots of food lots of drinks and lots and lots of fun......

Today I went out and met a friend of mine for some mountain biking...... some turned into lots as we rode the trails for 2 hours..... lots of hills, some I was able to ride up, some I had to push my bike up. By the end, my shirt was drenched and my body was tired but I have never felt better! I am going to take my camera out here one of these days to try and capture the beauty out there. We went to a different park today. I went to this park years ago (when I smoked, and didn't work out) and literally I was exhausted and couldn't go on after only 10 minutes.... The funny part is I never even made it into the hills, that was all on flat terrain. Today I was so proud of how far I have come.

The bonus is that in the 2 hours I burned over 700 calories..... Yay

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Weight watchers- weigh in #3

So today was weigh in day. Last night I grabbed a bag of pretzels from the store (hot buffalo wing flavor-yum) of course I ate the entire bag and then counted that they cost me 22 points. The good news is that I I had the flex points to cover them, but the bad news is they were full of sodium so this morning I was feeling quite bloated. I still managed to lose 0.4 lbs which I was quite happy with. This week I am going to see if I can work my flex points in earlier in the week and see how that goes.

So yesterday at the gym I was doing weights. First was lots of dead lifts - where you bend over at the waist and pull the barbell up as you straighten up. I did some other weight exercise as well and then we moved on to an exercise which is so hard for me..... Basically I was holding a 25lb dumbbell in each hand and had to swing it up in front of me to shoulder height, then push them upwards beside my ears until my arms were straight over my head. My trainer challenged me, he picked up two 45lb dumbbells and I challenged him to do this with me. If I failed to do it I would have to do a half mile on the treadmill in under 7 mins..... So I managed to do 20 reps, even after I said it was impossible for me to do so. Challenges are good!

Tonight I am out with some friends. We are heading out to see a band play at a little pub. Every hear of the group called the Spoons from the 80's? There are a couple of band members in this band called the lost boys. Tomorrow I am heading out to a horseshoe tournement and on Monday I am going mountain biking.... It is going to be a busy weekend but I am excited about it.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

How do I stop eating my feelings?

So something happened at work on Thursday and I have been trying to put it out of my mind and pretend that it has not affected me.

I had a customer come in to meet with the lawyer I work for and myself on Thursday. Now this man has told me on numerous occasions that he was not well, has a heart condition and recently had a stroke. He wanted to come in to discuss a legal matter involving his property and I have put it off for a long time because of his health issues, but he insisted to come in. The three of us sat it a boardroom discussing the situation and all of a sudden he started to have an angina attack. He had his nitro spray and seemed to settle down and then boom he had another one. I managed to keep it together in the boardroom, but as soon as he left (after he was feeling a bit better) I retreated to the washroom and broke down in tears, it was so upsetting partly because my Grandmother had angina and had a massive heart attack and died in front of me. This was quite a few years ago and I realized that I never spoke about that experience, never dealt with it and this experience just brought everything to the surface. I have spent every day since then pushing the feelings down and numbing myself with food.

I need to deal with the pain of both experiences and let it go so that I can move on, I just need to figure out how to do this.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Weight Watchers - Week 2 weigh in

Todays meeting was about saying no to no. This is a big one for me. I have been on so many diets in the past where my mentality was that I have to deprive myself, and eat foods that I didn't really like all in the name of losing weight. This time around I am trying to focus only on the points and making sure I don't go over my daily points. I am eating full fat cheese (small portions and not every day), and regular yogurt and sour cream, and using oil in place of cooking spray. It really is a personal choice that I favour eating less of the things that I really like rather that eating low fat, sugar free food substitutes. I honestly do not even feel like I am on a diet and and pretty much feel satisfied all of the time. I realize I am still early in the game and things may change- especially when I have lost some weight and my daily points go down, but for now I am enjoying eating healthy and being guilt free.

Just wanted to note that this week I used almost all of my weekly points and my weight loss was 1.6. I am going to try and eat less of the weekly points this week (without feeling hungry) and see if there is a change on the scale. Don't get me wrong, I am happy with 1.6lbs, but I want to experiment and customize this plan to suit my needs.


After Meeting Update-
Start weight - 250 lbs
Current weight - 243.4
Weekly loss- 1.2
Loss to date- 6.6

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Midweek Peek - Progress report

Ummmmm yeah, so it is only Tuesday morning, and since my last post I have stepped on the scale about a gazillion times-lol

Right, I will need to work on this a bit.....

Ate most of my weekly points on Sunday and realized the entire day I was eating out of boredom. I'm still on track though and feeling good..... well except for my arms and shoulders..... have you ever seen Olympic weightlifting where they pull the bar up to shoulder level, and then press the bar up over their head? Google clean and jerk and you will see what I mean. Yup, well that's what I was doing yesterday. I still don't totally have the hang of it, but it's getting better.

Off to get ready for work.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Midweek Peek

One of my biggest downfall's when it comes to weight loss is my need to weigh myself, at the very least, every morning. I literally wake up and still groggy, stumble into the kitchen (the only flat surface in my condo) and step on the scale. This sets the tone for my day, but what I have realized is that no matter what the scale says, looking at the number is never motivation to stay on track for the day. However the number, whether it is good or bad, is always an excuse to go off plan for the day. If I'm down a few, I feel like I have a "bit of room" to indulge that day and if I'm up then say to myself " well I'm not losing anything anyway, I may as well just eat".

Somewhere between sleep last night and early this morning the term Midweek Peek came into my head. I know for sure I cannot go a full week without weighing myself, not yet anyway, but I think if I give myself a little mid week peek at the scale I may just be able to get through without going absolutely crazy. That is the plan for this week, I am curious to see what changes occur, if any.

On a bit of a funny note, when I was thinking about the scale and how it has been detrimental to my weight loss efforts I briefly thought that since it is in my kitchen anyway, perhaps I should position it right in front of the fridge so that everytime I go to get food, I have to step on the scale and see my weight and be faced with the reality of what too much food has done to me. On a bigger scale (pun intended) - perhaps they should make the floor in grocery stores weight scales so that when you stop in front of the ice cream or chips or a variety of other stuff, a huge biggest loser type board lights up, flashing our weight for the world to see thus shaming us into not buying the crap- hmmmmm I may be on to something here :)

Saturday, August 21, 2010

weight watchers - weigh in number 1

Dieting is wishful shrinking. ~Author Unknown

Just getting ready to head out to my meeting. I can feel the old me creeping into my head -you know the one who is saying 'Your scale shows you lost 8 lbs - when you step on that scale at weight watchers it better be 8 lbs that you lost... anything less than that and you are a FAILURE" !!!!! or the one that always sets me up to fail is "ok, so if you lose 3 lbs a week.... lets see that is 12lbs per month, which means I should be down 60lbs by the end of the year...... hmmmm but I think I can lose 3.5lbs per week so that would make it 75lbs by year end".

So far I have managed to push these thoughts from my head. I am expecting a loss today, no matter what that loss is, I will be thrilled. Going forward, I am going to focus only on eating what I am supposed to eat and exercise as much as I am able to fit into my schedule and let my body release this fat at its own pace. I refuse to play those old games this time - if there is one thing I have learned in the 30 years I have been dieting - is that I can plan out a lot of things related to weight loss, but I cannot plan what the scale is going to say.

After Meeting Update-
Start weight - 250 lbs
Current weight - 244.6
Weekly loss- 5.4
Loss to date- 5.4

Friday, August 20, 2010

Perfect ending to my week

I ran for 10 minutes straight this morning! My morning warm up at the gym is to do 1/2 mile on the treadmill. It is normally a run/walk, no wait I mean a walk/run - I do more walking than running, but I do small spurts at 5 mph and even up to 7.5mph, but I can only do this for short bursts. Last week I went back down to my original speed of 4.5mph, which I know is really only a slow jog, but for me, at 240lbs, it is still running. Last week I managed to run for 6 minutes but then I hit the 1/2 mile marker and stopped. Well, this morning I was determined to hit the 10 minute mark. I walked for 1 minute to warm up and then went up to 4.3 mph and just ran, I got to 10 minutes and was going to stop but then realized that I had walked for a minute so I kept going for the last minute. I ran 3/4 of a mile without stopping. Hurrah! On the downside I was exhausted after doing this and then had a 60 minute session with my trainer to do, which of course included a ton of cardio and weights today, but it's done and I survived and am now feeling energized and ready to take on the day.

NOTE: HERE IS A POST FROM MAY 2009 WHEN I WAS THRILLED TO BE ABLE TO RUN FOR 1 MINUTE AT THIS SPEED.... http://journeytofindtherealme.blogspot.com/2009/05/gym-update.html

I have been on track all week with my eating and tomorrow I am looking forward to an absolutely fantastic first week weigh in at weight watchers. Yup I said I am looking forward to weigh in tommorrow.... haven't heard me say that in a while huh! :)

Off to enjoy my new favorite breakfast - orange juice, two tablespoons of vanilla yogurt, frozen mango chunks and frozen blueberries, all blended up into a glass of pure heaven.

Monday, August 16, 2010

OMG I think I actually saw it...

After mountain biking on Sunday, I am completely covered in mosquito bites and I'm just super itchy. There is one spot on my back, just behind my arm pit that was really bothering me tonight and I went to the mirror to see if I could see where the bite was, and that is when I saw it.

My eyes wandered from the itchy surface and settled on the way my arm and shoulder looked.... I am talking cut, muscular and strong. The muscle from my shoulder to my traps were so defined it was breathtaking. I literally stood there for about 5 minutes amazed at how amazing my arm looked.

This is just a bit of a reminder to myself, that I do have a muscular, strong body hiding under the layers of fat. This excites me and motivates me to really, really get my eating under control so that this new me can finally start to emerge.....

Here is a pic of my arm today, although it doesn't do justice to what I was seeing in the mirror. I am going to take pictures of my arm every month until the end of the year and see what my progress looks like. Is that king of weird? Since my final fitness test is to step into a boxing ring and fight, I though showing my arms was a fitting measure - what do you think?



Here is a picture of my arms from a few years ago:

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Mountain Biking

So I headed out with a friend today. We went back to the same park we went to last month to give mountain biking a second go. You may recall last time I came home with cuts and bruises and a damages shoulder from falling from the bike a couple of times. Today was a different story. I felt like I had the hang of it out there. Challenging myself to push through the rocky sections and increaseing my speed overall. We rode for an hour and then decided we were feeling strong still so we hit another nearby park and rode for another hour and a half. By the end I truly was spent, but what a wonderful day. It felt so good to be out there pushing myself and working hard, burning calories and feeling amazingly strong doing it.

I weighed in yesterday at weight watchers and my official start weight was 250lbs, which is up about ten pounds but I am keeping positive as I know that I had a big meal and a few drinks (quite a few drinks) and was feeling very bloated so I am expecting a large loss on me weigh in next Saturday.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Setting myself up for sucess

"All that I need, is within me"


ok it's done. I have officially re-joined weight watchers. They have a special at the moment where you get a monthly pass at (at a rate that is lower than the week to week rate) and includes meetings and etools. Add to this my body bugg (biggest loser) and of course the biggest part to my getting fit puzzle, which is my fabulous personal trainer, and I really do have all of the tools required to see better results.

I asked my trainer how to learn how to focus myself to the task at hand, whether it be running, or boxing or lifting, I was finding that at the times that I was able to truly focus all of my energy on the task at hand, I was sucessful, but when I allowed my old fears and negetive thoughts to flood my mind, I failed. My trainer told me that he uses the phrase "All that I need is within me" and I have started to repeat this to myself over and over when I am at the gym. It is working, I am becoming mentally stronger and it is making a world of difference in my training.

I have decided to apply this to my weight loss efforts as well. Deep down inside I think I am deathly afraid of failure. I have failed at weight loss so many times before. I have come to the obvious conclusion that I cannot just dole out money and expect the fat to just melt away from my body, I have to actually do the work...I am beginning this weight loss journey again, this time with the confidence, that all that I need is within me. This is it..... I will do this.... I will suceed!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I think I am ready

To get my eating under control. I am re-joining weight watchers. I have about 5 months left of personal training and I need to get some of this weight off. I know I have been working hard in my training sessions and have been changing my body shape, but I need to get on track with my eating. Back to meetings as of Saturday. Now the big thing for me is I am going alone. I've never done that before, but I am going and I am going to start losing again.

On a good note, today I ran (ok more like a slow jog) on 4.5mph for 7 minutes straight. That is pretty much unheard of for me, so I am going back tomorrow to see if I can beat that time..... the best part was I had absolutely no pain in my knees for the first time in about 1.5 years.

Still enjoying my vacation, am super relaxed and looking forward to enjoying another few days of freedom before heading back to the stress pit that I call work!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

week in pictures

Just a few photos from the last week. I've had my niece with me so it has been all about her mostly, but we managed to have a good week.

1. Hiking


2. Hiking


3. Ceasar salad at Pizza Hut - Food choice not so good!


4. Soccer is always more fun when Grandpa is in net! (the good girls won 7-2)


5. Chuck e Cheese Skeet ball anyone?

Monday, August 2, 2010

It is with deep regret....

That I change my age in the`about me` section, from 43 to 44..... LOL, yuppers, today is my birthday. It will be a rather low key affair, I`ve never been big on celebrating, but I am heading out to Jack Astors with some friends this evening for beer and nachos :)

Celebrating a birthday makes me reflect on the past year, and the changes that I have made.... It is in this last year that I ran a 5k, climbed the CN Tower, and did a try a tri. Doing these things were so far away from my reality a few years ago and it only makes me proud of what I have been able to accomplish and also excited for the coming year..... you see the biggest change that I have made is I now believe in myself. I am proud of my body that is becoming strong and healthy and I barely recognize that woman who a few years ago was so tired, and sad.

Stay tuned as I begin a brand new year, with new challenges, new goals and new accomplishments.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

BLOG AWARD

Thank you so much Amanda over at Fat Wuz Here for nominating me for a blog award. Check out Amanda's blog and prepare to be inspired.


In order to accept this award I must:

1. Thank the person giving the award-Check!
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Nominate 15 newly discovered blogs.
4. Let your nominees know about the award.

7 Things about me:

1) I am single, with no kids, but love to spoil my Nephew and 4 Nieces every chance I get.


2) I love to travel, and have been all over Europe, as well as the Caribbean, and so far have gone on 1 month extended trips, to the Northwest Territories (Northern Canada), Greece (from the North to the islands) and the East Coast (including Newfoundland and Labrador)


3) I normally shock and confuse people when they ask about my background because my father is born and raised in the West Indies (St. Vincent and the Grenadines), and is actually at least 4th generation West Indian (his ancestors were Scottish and Irish)



4) While I love my job, it is often very stressful as I deal with power of sale (forclosures).

5) I worked at Maple Leaf Gardens in Toronto from the age of 14 to 29, and have met many hockey personalities, seen every concert (watched the making of the Duran Duran Reflex video), and was a ball girl at a Harlem Globetrotters show, where I actually became part of the show.



6) I am looking forward to getting my motorcycle licence soon, just so I can go on a long distance bike trip.....



7) I once travelled to the Northwest Territories, Yukon, and Alaska on a trip(as mentioned above), drove 13,000km in one month, and set up a tent in a new place on every since one of those nights. This still remains the best month of my life, I saw glaciers, wildlife, and gained an appreciation of just how beautiful Canada is. I also had the opportunity to fly on a float plane and land on the Nahanni River!




I nominate:

Alright, instead of nominating 15 people (lol, I don`t have that many followers) I just ask everyone who reads this to post one interesting fact about themselves in my comments section, or if you wish, just introduce yourself.

Vacation ....Finally

Finally taking a couple of weeks vacation from work. So excited to just chill. While I am not going away anywhere, I plan on staying active and spending much of my time outdoors enjoying the fantastic weather we are having here.

I wrote earlier about ordering a cycling shirt on line.... well I got it aaaaaaand.... it doesn't fit! I was dissapointed but it was sort of expected. It is now hanging on my bedroom door and I hope to be able to wear it before the summer is out.


My workouts are just brutal these days, but I love the challenge and love the feeling of accomplishment that comes with each challenge I complete. I did an this thing on Friday where I had to run backwards for about 15 feet and then turn and sprint about 30 feet as fast as I could. I have to say that I loved running full out as fast as I could. I am looking to add this to my workouts a bit more. I really felt strong and powerfull when doing this sprint cycle.

I have dusted off my camera and will try and take some pictures to add to my blog of places I go, and some of the activities I get up to.... I know that I love to see pictures on others blogs:)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

My new love

Since I began this journey to get fit, I have tried out a few new ways to get fit. Running, triathlon, mountain biking, boxing, Muay Thai, and now I think I have found my "thing". Cycling- I just absolutely love the feeling of being out on my bike with the wind in my face and the sun shining down.

I actually was watching bits of the Tour de France this weekend- I am a big Lance Armstrong fan and wear my Livestrong bracelet proudly... It acts as my anchor to how I want to live my live.... to help push me towards that person that I have been trying to find for so many years. That 10 year old athlete who's view of the world and more importantly, who's view of herself was shattered by a few mean spirited and poorly timed comments and actions. So anyway, when I first started biking I was reluctant to put on the helmet and get into the cycling fashion. Then I went to the states and bought my first pair of Oakley sunglasses to go with my awesome helmet... I feel like I look like an athlete out there and it really boosts my confidence.

So on the weekend I went to the next step and purchsed a cycling jersey- lol. I have always wanted one and finally ordered one on line. Here is a picture:



I am expecting to receive it in the next few days, and although I am not expecting it to fit me. I will hang it proudly and vow to get into it by the end of the summer.

Livestrong, what a powerful thought. Thanks Lance!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Battered and bruised but grinning ear to ear

So my friends husband invited me out to go biking with him today. He said it was fairly easy riding, wooded trails leading to a nice waterfall and he said we would go at a nice pace. I was a little bit leary of off road biking but figured since he said it was an easy route I would take a crack at it.

We headed out with another of his friends and I knew I was in a bit of trouble when the very first hill was covered in rocks and tree branches and was pretty darn steep. I pushed my bike up this hill but lookin up ahead, into the forest the path looked pretty clear so I pedalled on. Everything was going great until we hit the first hill, there were quite a few rockes jutting out but I managed to climb up onto the grassy side and manuever my bike down..... phew. Then we came to the next hill, Dave and Dan were just out of site as my back tire hit a rock and my bike skidded to the right. Bam, I went down hard and the pain seared through my right hand as my thumb came down hard on a rock. I looked down and noticed a big scrape below my right knee. Welcome to mountain biking is what I thought. Anyway not to be defeated so soon into our ride, I got back up and continued. I slowly got a handle on how to navigate through the rocks and branches and started to quite enjoy the challenge. We hit a nice meadow with a grassy patch and just two ruts in the middle of the path. I was going through the rut when my pedal hit on side and BAM, I was thrown from my bike into the long grass. I landed hard on my right shoulder and totally got the wind knocked out of me, but I got back up and soldiered on.

All in all we rode for about 1.5 hrs up and down lots of hills and even with the spills I absolutely loved it. I felt alive, and fit and capable and I cannot wait to get out there and do it again. I am now back home, healing my wounds and thinking that I am really getting close to finding the real me that I always talk about. This is what I want to be doing on a Sunday afternoon, and for the first time in a very long time, I know that I am capable of doing it.

On another note, this week I pulled out my body bugg again, and have been tracking my food and exercise. I don't think it is coincidence that I am down 3lbs this week. My short term goal is to lose 25 lbs in 10 weeks which will take be down to about 218 lbs. I think I am off to a great start.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

A week off

Last week my trainer took a week off to go on vacation. I took that as an opportunity to sit on my arse and veg for the whole week. Actually, I worked out both Saturday and Sunday last week, and came to the realization on Sunday night that I am tired, like seriously tired, worn out, fed up. I slept in on Monday morning and tueday morning and skipped my morning workout. I noticed that my knees were feeling a little bit better. I then made the decision to take the e ntire week off, get lots of sleep, catch up on the overflowing workload at my job and heal my body. It made me realize how much pain I was in- from my feet to my knees and all the way up to my shoulders, I have been in constant pain. It's all gone now, well except my knees which are still a bit sore, but the pain is manageable.

I also realized that I miss working out. Seriously I MISS IT! I never in a million years thought I would ever say that. I am looking forward to getting back to the gym tomorrow for a good run bike and swim, before getting back to training on Monday.

The other thing that I noticed is that my stress level went through the roof this week! I was irritable, miserable, tired, and just a plain old bitch all week long. I am 99% sure this is a direct result of not working out.

All in all, yes I was a lazy girl this week, but at least I learned some new things about myself, so I guess there was a small victory!

Monday, June 28, 2010

Monday's workout

Nothing much going on in my boring life at the moment. I am quite happy with this though, I feel like I am focusing on my health.

Today's workout: shoulder and arms (biceps)

Warm up
-walking on the treadmill 3mph, incline 5 for 0.5mils
-running on the treadmill 4.5mph for 0.5 miles

- squat with the weight bar on my shoulders - 15 reps, then 30 walking lunges(3 sets)
-barbell 65 lbs 15 reps then pull downs 15 reps (3 sets)
-sitting barbell lifts - 15 reps then rowing maching 15 reps (3 sets)
-arm machine ( wish I knew what this was called - fly maybe) started off with heavy weigh and 15 reps(I cried doing this) then the weight came down and the #reps came down - This was fricken beyond hard, especially since my arms and shoulders were already tired from all the weights)
- 20, 20 20 20 cycle of sit ups.
- ab work on the swiss ball
-finally leg work(imagine a dog on all fours lifting its leg to pee on a hydrant - lol

I can honestly say the last 4 days I have pushed my body to the max with regard to working out, but I feel great..... This morning I had an osteopath appointment and a lovely accupuncture session. Ahhhhhhh I feel wonderful now....

Note: starting clothing size was 22 or some 24. My size 18 capris are falling off today, I am pretty solidly in a size 16 now. It feels great :)