Feels like home to me.

I have always been one of those big girls who was absolutely terrified of the gym.  The gym is a place for thin, fit people I always thought.  Of course I had never stepped foot in one, and quite frankly whenever I walked past the gym in our local mall, I looked away so as not to catch the eye of one of those athletes running on the treadmills below me.... When I finally convinced myself that I NEEDED to start working out, I very nearly quit after the first day.  I cried all the way home because I felt judged- as if I had a big sign on me saying laugh at the fat girl.  Of course I was sooooo wrong. 

For the first few years I worked out at 7a.m. since there were not a lot of people....and over time I got to know many of them by name, and found lots of support.  Eventually I switched to evenings which was a BIG change since the gym is packed and this is the time it is filled with the fittest, most beautiful, hard core athletes. 

Tonight I was boxing.... actually sparring and it was brutal... I am tired, my back is sore and my training was pushing us hard. I took a few hard punches to the face but gave way more back to my opponent.  It turned out to be a hard, but good training session.  I left the gym and was heading up the escalator to the parking lot when I hear a voice shout out "hey, you are an amazing boxer"!  It was for young guys on the escalator in front of me.  I braced myself for the punch line - I am so used to compliments being followed by a punch line.... but there wasn't one.... all 4 of them turned around and asked me questions about how long I've been boxing and told me they would hate to be on the receiving line of my left hook.  They walked me out to the parking lot chatting away with me..  I walked out feeling like a million bucks.

Then it hit me.... the gym has become my safe place. The place where I feel most comfortable in my own skin.  I know many people there by name, and even more by face, just to say hello.  I regularly have  someone run up to me to give me a high five, or just tell me that I inspire them, but the truth is that they all inspire me, they give me hope, that I can leave that scared girl who cried on my first night behind me, and continue to move towards being the light that shines bright and gives hope to every other overweight person who comes into the gym.  I see them all the time. I can see them moving around quietly, trying not to be noticed, feeling awkward and scared and I always do my best to make eye contact and give a small smile to let them know it's gonna get better.  And I work my ass off, every single night I am there, because there is nothing better than leading by example.