Clawing my way back onto the wagon

"getting back on the wagon" - a phrase I use often and generally leaves me feeling like a bit of a failure.  I am removing this term from my vocabulary stat. I prefer to think that while I have tried to eat healthy in the last few months, I know there is much room for improvement.  I am going to work on making small changes and see if I can kickstart my weight loss again.

My goal is to be in a size 14 when I do my fall clothing shopping next month.  I am currently wearing a 16 but my clothes are starting to feel a bit tight.  My weight is up to 250lbs from my lowest of 235, so I have some work to do. 


Goals for tomorrow:

-be at the gym for 6 a.m. and get at least 20 minutes run/walk cycle in prior to doing weights with my trainer.
- get back to the gym in the evening for a step class - this will be my first time doing it, so I won't be at full throttle, but at least I will be moving.
- track all food on myfitness pal
- make sure to drink 8 glasses of water minimum.


I will be back to make new goals tomorrow and to see how I did on the aforementioned goals.

Mountain bike riding

Had a great day out on the trails yesterday and my friend was able to video tape me on some of the trails so I could document my progress.... In my head I think I look like the female equivalent of Lance Armstrong out there but ummm reality check - lol

No matter though, I know that 90 % of my friends big or small would be able to conquer the trails that I hit - and that make me proud of my accomplishment - and from the neck up I look fricken amazing hahaha

The dreaded day had arrived

Tomorrow is my last day of personal training. I have been working with my trainer B.J for 3 years now it all comes to an end tomorrow.

I have been really struggling all weekend. He has become like a little brother to me, and cannot imagine not having him there beside me pushing me, calming me down, and instilling confidence in me.

I will have to take a look back at the changes I have made over the three years. I think part of me feels like I have failed both myself and him because I am still overweight, but I know that I am truly a different person today that I was 3 years ago - in so many ways.

I have asked to do a boxing workout tomorrow because that truly has become my love, and I plan on joining another boxing/martial arts club in a month or so to continue boxing.


UPDATE: Just as I was sending this my trainer texted me and I have decided to bite the bullet and go ahead with two more months of training. I will have to really cut back on other areas of my life to afford to do this, but I know it's not my time to stop yet. I am going to continue to do ther group fitness classes and really up the calorie burn. My food intake needs to be kicked into high gear as well. First stop- my morning coffee - I've slipped back into putting cream and sugar in it.... I just dumped the remainder of the cream down the sink..... I'm done with that shit....... I have two final months and I have to make them count...... I think my motto is going to be try try try again.....

weigh in results

It happens EVERY time. The moment I get back on a diet plan, it's the dreaded time of month....I normally see a gain of anywhere from 5lb to 10lbs during this time. Weigh in was today and guess what time it is!

So I have been checking on my scale at home and my weight has not really budged this week, well it's gone down and then back up but isn't showing much of a loss for the week. I was terrified to step on the scale today since but had to remind myself that I should expect a small loss or a stay the same but hopefully I would see a drop in fat loss.

I stepped on the scale and thought that my weight was down, but I knew it wasn't much.... My trainer was happy that I was down and I headed to the changeroom, where I know I had a printout from last weeks weigh in. basically total weight I was down 1.4 lbs but the big deal was in the fat loss. I lost a whopping 7 lbs of freaking fat!

YIPPEEEEEEE

on a lighter note...

I was watching road racing yesterday. It was a huge race taking place in Italy and while not particulary a huge fan of cycling, I was interested in the riders endurance. They are basically riding for 6 hours up a mountain. I believe it was the Italian Dolomites (which I fondly remember from a trip to Europe years ago). I found it interesting the way the fans interacted with the riders, basically running along side them and cheering them on. Many wore helmets or clown wigs in various coulours and at some points on the road, the crowds were so big I was amazed that the riders could get through. Anyway, a friend of mine called and we were chatting and I was watching the t.v., but not fully paying attention, you know what I mean. And then it happened. At first I wasn't sure what I was seeing, if it was an old clip or what, but it soon became apparent that it was happening before my eyes, and I have watched the clip a thousand times, and crack up every single time.

(NOTE: it was nice to see the winner, in a very exciting time trial to end the race, was a Canandian, and it was the first time a Canadian had ever won this race - woo hoo) OK, here is the video - enjoy

The Difference...

A sobering thought

I came across this quote posted on a friends facebook page this morning and it hit me like a ton of bricks. For years I have been playing the "why me" card... Why can't I lose this weight, why can't I get to goal and making excuses for why I am still obese. In reality the reason is that I have not been giving it my all... I would work the program when it suited me to work the program, and when it didn't suit me, I would easily and happily cave into whatever craving I had, or whatever function I wanted to indulge at.

Something happened to me last week where I decided that I WANT THIS, and I will do what needs to be done to get it. So far it's been working, but I am under no illusion that it will be smooth sailing from here on out, I am only a few days in. I am going to continue to take it one day at a time, and try to keep my will going strong.

I also included a picture from my hike yesterday. This is going to be my new "before" picture. Now let the shrinking begin!

UPDATE: I went to the gym today with this whole idea of doing what needs to be done. Worked out for half an hour (warm up on the elliptical) and then my trainer arrived and he put we through absolute HELL.... 90 minutes of boxing which included high cardio running, and punching drills. In between sets, my "rest" period was me lying on the floor doing 50 sit ups with my feet in the air..... In the 90 minutes I think I did 250 sit ups!

I wore my bodybugg today and my total calorie burn was 1, 200 calories..... Flipping heck! A big thanks to my trainer for training me for an extra 1/2 hour. He continues to do whatever is needed to get me to where I want to be.... and encourages me so much along the way!

Ladies and Gentleman, we have Ketosis!

Well I picked up some ketostix from the Drug store yesterday and lo and behold the stick turned mauve, which indicates I am in ketosis. Now its not the darkest purple at this stage but I am beginning to burn my fat stores and I am ok with that. The scale is showing me down 7.5 pounds this morning, so it seems that the water weight has been flushed our of my system

Off to the gym now, and then I'm heading out to do a bit of hiking with some friends. I will actually be walking along parts of the trail that I was mountain biking on Monday, so I will add some pictures later.

Time to hang on!

Today, I did a weigh in.... 4 days after I started my low carb diet. Now seriously this is how *F* up my situation is.... my last official weigh in at the gym was on May 9. Weight was 254.8, BMI 39.9, fat % 49.4%, AND fat mass of 125.8 lbs.... after that point I went on a bit of a binge and based on my home scale (which is where the *f* up part come in... it reads wrong, so when I was showing at a weight of 254.8 at the gym, I was showing as 280 at home) went up 5lbs. Today my weight is 252.4, BMI is 39.5, fat % is 51.4 % , and fat mass is 129.81%.

Basically everything that I have lost in the last few days is water (as expected). Now when I looked at this my first thought was to get upset at the fact that my fat mass went up.... I was able to stop and think about this process. I should be hitting the ketosis stage any day now and then I will start burning fat..... hopefully what that will mean (since I am eating low carb) is that on in a state of ketosis all, or at least most, of the calories I burn while exercising will come from my fat stores. Bottom line is I need to just be patient for a few weeks and see what my body compositon shows! I've never done that before, I always use every setback as a reason to just give up. I am going to keep the faith.

I have been doing some reading on "the ketosis state" as several people have told me that this is very unhealthy and that I shouldn't do it. What I have decided, is that for me (and I can only speak for myself) being in ketosis for a few months (perhaps up to 6 months) can in no way be more unhealthy than carrying around an extra 80 - 100 pounds for 30 years. That's my position and I'm sticking to it.

Finally, the one thing that has been a bit worrysome to me is my energy level. I have been exhausted. I read up on this as well and it seems that the first 3 or 4 days on a low carb diet, your energy levels will drop as your body gets used to the new way of eating.... This morning I boxed and it was really, REALLY tough. Ummm I am on day 4 today and I can say that the burst of energy that is supposed to kick in on day 4 or 5, and kick in at any time now.... I think I am going to go grab some ketostix ( I think that's what they're called) from the drug store so I can monitor my progress. Once I hit the stage of ketsis, I will start adding in some more carbs (from fruit, sweet potatoes etc. I am going to try and stay away from bread, pasta and rice for now)

Anyway, I feel like I have learned a lot in short period of time. Onward and Downward!

Dinner recipes

(note: the burgers were so big, so I cut them in half and wrapped each piece in a piece of lettuce)

Tonight I tried another new recipe ground pork burgers with a surprise centre (melted cheese). Here is the recipe as I found it,http://recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-detail.asp?recipe=334170 and I added garlic powder and oregano to the mix to add some more flavour. They are really good. I used lettuce leaves to wrap them up in but they would be good on a bun or in a wrap. I put a dollop of home made guac on top but these would be equally as good without the guac or the cheese for that matter!

Tuesday and vacation day!

Stepped on the scale this morning and it is showing me down 6lbs from my first weigh in Sunday morning. Now I am not getting too excited about this because I know it is probably all water weight. I have my official weigh in tomorrow at the gym and am interested to see what changes there are to mybody fat. Tomorrow's weigh in is going to be a starting point for me. I also drank senna tea last night to clean me out and help get rid of any carbs that remain in my system. It seems that the last of the bloatiness may be gone now.

I feel like the next few weeks is going to be a learning process for me. Yesterday morning I went mountain bike riding. My last meal was on Sunday at around 6 and I didn't eat anything in the morning before going to ride because of my IBS. I totally sucked out there on the trails. I just had no energy at all. Granted it was my first day out on the bike since last fall, but I was just done at certain points along the trail. Next time out I will have to find something that my body will tolerate prior to going out. Hopefully that will help.

Luckily my friend had a nice protein filled, low carb lunch prepared for us when we got back ( she is not into riding, so her husband and I go together)

Today I am going to hit the gym for a weight cycle (legs today I think) and then my plan is to go again tonight and do a second round of cardio. Like I said, this week is all about getting myself back on track.

This morning I made another new recipe that I found and I'll post it below.... I made the first batch as noted in the recipe but they didn't hold together and were too greasy. So I added a tablespoon of flour to the mixture and fried them up in a small amount of oil and they were yummy... Oh I also added garlic powder to the mixture to give it added flavour, , used green onion instead of regular onion, and used egg whites only (lol, yeah, so I guess I totally changed the recipe)

Zucchini Latkes

1 pound zucchini

1/2 cup finely chopped onion

1 large egg, lightly beaten

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 to 3/4 cup olive oil

Heat 1/4 cup oil in a pan over medium heat until heated but
not smoking.Grate zucchini by hand. Squeeze excess water, either by
wringing through a towel or through fists (like Chuck Norris). Mix in a bowl
with egg and salt.About 2 Tbsp of latke material makes each latke, and
you can fit 3-4 in the pan at a time. Cook for about 5 minutes on each side, or
until latkes are lightly browned.Drain on paper towel. Add more salt as
needed.Keep warm until serving.Makes about 12
latkes.Nutritional information: Calories: 131 , Carbohydrates: 1 g,
Fiber: trace g, Net Carbohydrates:1 g, Protein: 1 g, Fat: 14 g

Day 2 (again)

And I say *again* because I started my new low carb eating plan on Saturday, and on Saturday night asomething happened - that little voice crept into my head saying I was going to fail at this and I may as well just eat now - better to never try than to try and fail and all that bullshit! I found myself on a carb bender - I made white spaghetti (with a cream sauce - um yeah, I'm lactose intolerent) and ate two huge bowls..... FAIL!

But yesterday I woke up and re-grouped and began day 1 again..... for all you golfers (the not so serious ones) I took a mulligan - a do over! I made it through the day nicely yesterday, drank tons of water, kept my carb intake right aroung 20 g and did not cave to any voices in my head.

This morning I woke up and jumped on the scale and my weight is saying I am down 4.5lbs since yesterday morning... Is it all water, yup, do a care as long as I am down. nope.

Today, I am racking up my mountain bike and heading out to meet some friends for our first off road biking session of the year. I'm going to bring my camera and try to take a few pictures of the day.

I just hope to remain verticle today :)

UPDATE: headed out for about 2 hours today. I was tired 5 minutes in but managed to keep going. Big problem was that I am not eating carbs, and didn't eat breakfast before I went and well I was completely exhausted half way through. Food was good taoday, my friends made a low carb protein filled lunch for when I got back :) carb intake 25. Really need to make sure I have some protein before I go next time.

Looking at things differently

Last week I posted a video of part of my boxing routine at the gym. In actual fact I did the same drill 3 times. The first one was ok, but I did not set up properly at the begining - and the second time I got almost to the end and then collapsed! I was out of breath and my shoulders and arms were killing me... My comment when I stopped " I don't want this to be filmed" I was ashamed at what I felt was a failure. I posted the "perfect" video (video 3) because I thought it looked the best but looking back I think video 2 - the failure video tells more of a story. It shows just how hard this drill was for me to do - how much effort it took for me to get through it and most importantly that even though I didn't finish the 2nd time through - I came back and kicked ass the third time through.

Here is the "fail" video:

And here is the "sucess" video"

Low Carb recipe- Southwestern chili

This recipe is called chili, but Phase 1 of the diet I am following does not allow tomatoes or beans, so neither are in this recipe... I bought Boston leaf lettuce and use them as wraps to wrap the beef mixt
Southwestern Ground Beef Chili
Nutrition Info
Calories: 484.9
Fat: 32.2g
Carbohydrates: 18.8g
Protein: 29.9g

2 1/2 lbs Ground Beef

1/2 small chopped onion (lg chop)

1 small green bell pepper (lg chop) (I used a yellow and an orange pepper)

1 small red bell pepper (lg chop)

2 tablespoons vegetable oil

1/2 bunch fine chopped fresh cilantro

4 tablespoons chili powder

3 tablespoons ground cumin

2 tablespoons chopped garlic in oil

1/4 teaspoon cayenne peppe

r2 teaspoons salt1 teaspoon black pepper

1/2 teaspoon granulated garlic or garlic powder

Directions Place the vegetable oil , peppers and onions in a large skillet and cook over a medium high heat until slightly tender. Add in the ground beef and spices and brown .Cook until well done , stirring all the while. Skim off excess grease as it cools. Number of Servings: 8

Push to the finish

I have been feeling rather dejected the last few weeks, quite frankly I am obsessing about my personal training sessions coming to an end in August. I feel like the biggest loser contestants must feel when they are voted off the ranch before they reach their goal. I realize I have made leaps and bounds to get to the fitness level and the body shape I am at today, but I'm not where I want to be. I was supposed to compete in a try a tri (mini triathlon) in June, but quite frankly my goal was to actually COMPETE this time, rather than just finish. I am just not at a weight that I can compete, so I have opted out of doing it. My final fitness goal (to cap off my 3 years of personal training) is to complete a full Sprint triathlon in September. I need to lose a bit of weight before I do this and have decided to basically put everything I have into the next 3 1/2 months to make sure I am able to complete this.

My work outs have become insane, and I really don't think there is a whole lot of room for improvement, but as my weight drops, I hope to be able to up the length of my workouts.

What I have learned, is that getting to a healthy weight is about 10% about the exercise and 90% about what I eat. That has got to be my main focus going forward.

Something else I recognize is that I need to eat low carb to make any headway with my weight loss, so I am combining several low carb recipes (loosely following Dr. Poon, South Beach, and weight watchers).

I have booked a week off of work, to plan, cook and freeze meals, and to get my head in the low carb game and of course plan on documenting my journey here. I have warned my friends and family that I will not be eating out, hanging out with them at patios or having "just one" and I have removed as much stress from my life as possible. This is going to be about me, reaching goal, and proving once and for all that I can be that person that has been elusive for so long!

I am officially regular :)

Just back from a 2 day outlet mall shopping trip to the U.s. Man what a great trip. In the past I would follow my friends around as they tried on clothes at all of the normal stores and eventually we would get to Lane Bryant (Plus size store) and I would do 95% of my shopping there.

This time I found clothes at every store except the pluz size store. Now granted in many cases even the size XL was still a bit too tight, but I would never have even thought to go browse in stores like Banna Republic because I never imagines anything would fit.

So here I am getting ready for work and looking through all of the lovely things that I bought and for the first time in my life I feel kind of regular rather than plus sized... It feels kinda nice :)

Weightlifting -Olympic style

Yesterday I was practicing the "jerk" portion of the clean and jerk. I think I finally got it. Lifting 95 lbs.

It's what I do

Just a quick little post of a bit of my boxing work out from the gym this morning. Getting out there and hitting things is the BEST way to start my day!

Wednesday check in

Plugging along this week. Doing pretty good... hit the gym yesterday (my day off from personal training) and did eliptical, stir climbing and then a quick swim. Food intake was great yesterday too.

Today, I did an upper arm workout, which was awesome. I think I did about 130 modified push ups and 260 sit ups in between my weight cycles. Sheesh, I can really feel the fatigue in my abs and thighs right now.

Before my actual training session, I did 20 minutes on the eliptical and 30 floors on the stair claimber. The stair climber is still an actual torture chamber in my book. At around floor number 20, a pool of sweat starts to form from the sweat dripping off my face.... Today I notice a flow of sweat down the side of the machine which kind of startled me for a moment until I realize it if from sweat dripping off of my forearm - my forearm for *G* sake!

Anyway, food intake was good today, but I ate a bit too much basmati rice with my dinner and feel a bit bloated now. Will flush it out with water!

What a difference a few days makes

Friday I was full of hope, and feeling great and then the weekend hit! I was craving carbs all weekend and made some not so great choices. The scale showed it by yesterday afternoon - I was up another 5 lbs. I began thinking about what is causing my to continue to sabatoge myself and started seriously thinking about whether or not I have gotten comfortable with where I am right now. Maybe, I am happy at this weight.

I was telling my trainer this this morning and he got visible upset with me (just for a moment) Then he told me what I needed to hear- that I'm not giving it my all. He said I need to really push it with the exercise and be really strict with my diet and it is possible for me to get smaller. I know this is all just common sense but I needed someone to call me on my bullshit.

We have a new plan in place. I have promised to come in EVERY morning- Monday to Saturday and work out hard. He is going to give me a weight cycle which I will do on Tuesday and Thursday when i work out by myself and we will box Wednesday and Friday. In 1 hour of boxing I burn about 1000 calories and I love every second of it.

So, I am trying again, and will keep on trying until I get it right. I won't give up!

Progress pictures

Just a few pictures I took this morning..... I also posted a before pic taken in 2008. There is not a huge difference in my opinion, and I have a long way to go but I am happy with the way my body is looking.... In the first picture I weigh 280 and was wearing a size 24 or 2x clothes. In the second pic, I weigh about 245-250 and am currently wearing a size 16 clothes. The clothes I am wearing are XL. the "flexing" photo was taken just for fun, but I do like the way my traps are looking in this picture- haha

Before:




Current:

And the crowd went wild.....

Today, was a hard day at the gym. My warm up was 20 minutes on the eliptical doing short sprints followed by high level slow intervals.... next up 30 floors on the stair climber and then some stretching. 5 minutes to catch my breath, and get my hands wrapped and my trainer was there to start a boxing workout. I should have known when he started the session with a big smile and then tells me "I'm gonna kill you today" that it wasn't gonna be pretty - and it sure wasn't.

lots of punching the bag, followed by punching sequences on the pads. He was really pushing my to be faster and punch harder. He kept pushing and pushing and I really felt myself get into a zone. I was moving, and hitting, and ducking and slipping. I did a total of 5 x 3 minute rounds and although it was hard, I kept finding ways to dig deep - in the past I would have been telling myself that I couldn't do it.... now I tell myself positive things - you are strong-you are capable- show them what you're made of - show them what you got! My trainer pushed me right to the last punch - In fact my last punch - right at the buzzer was not the greatest- so instead of finishing on that note- he pushed me to to a perfect combo - and I did, full of power.

Oh, where did the title of this post come from? When I box it's basically in the general population of the gym. I find it funny that people just stop what they're doing and watch us- Like really for a long time - To me that is the greatest thing, and not in any type of conceited way. I've hid myself away from the world my entire life, trying to make myself invisible so that I could avoid judgment for my size. When I box, I am so comfortable being out there- actually it's not just comfortable dare I say it's confidence.Phew, there I said it - CON-FID-ENCE baby! It's so nice to see these people watching me and I don't see any judgment in their face, I see admiration and awe.

At the moment I am trying to concentrate on the how great I felt this morning instead of focusing on how freaking sore my shoulders are- haha.

Going for a hat trick!

Today marks the 3rd day in a row where I have been on track - and by that I don't just mean within my daily calories, but also feeling positive, working out, making good choices food wise, and not binging.

My alarm went off at 5a.m and I felt like I'd been hit by a mac truck so I thought I'd snooze for 5 minutes, which turned into 30 minutes and I ended up at the gym only 10 minutes before my workout, so I didn't get in in 45 - 60 minute cardio boost. My workout this morning was all upper arm and shoulder. My arms were killed at the end of it. The last few things that I needed to do was to start in plank position, but my feet were elevated (like on top of a weight lifting bench so pretty high) and I was supposed to move from plank position to a jackknife position and then do pushups. Crap.... I could barely hold the position for 10 seconds. Pushup s were just not going to happen.

Anyway, a friend from work and I hit the gym again tonight and did another hour. This included a 45 minute circuit. My trainer is awesome, he had all the equiptment set up for us to do our circuit... and showed me and my friend what he wanted us to do.

So I left home at about 5:45 this morning and I am home now at 8:00 p.m. tired, hungry and grateful for a wonderful day.

Believe

Surprisingly I was able to stay away from the kitchen last night..... I think I even sulked a little bit at the fact that I wanted a coffee last night but refused to have one. I know it's small thing, but it's not really about the coffee is it...

So while I wasn't perfect yesterday (and really don't expect to ever be perfect) I think I was at least aware of what I was eating and that's a start. Stayed within my caloric intake and worked out for 2 hours....

Today I will try again to reduce my coffee intake and drink more water, and will try and get to the gym tonight. Of course I will continue with the say no experiment.

Hit the gym this morning for 1 hour and I did:
-20 minutes on the octane machine
-15 floors on the stair climber
-10 minutes on the treadmill- walking at 3.5 mph
- 100 situps
-various stretches, plank position etc (only for about 5 minutes)

That's it......

Monday - Just the facts (boring but necessary)

Hit the gym at 6:00 a.m Here's what I did:
25 minutes on the octane machine (sort of like an eliptical)
30 floors on the stair climber
1000m sprint on the rowing machine
100 sit ups

Then I joined my trainer and did:
lifting cycle for my legs (4 machines lots of reps and increasing weights)
suicide set 5 x then 3 times then a final sprint
sit up set (100 in total)

Put together my lunch (wrap with chicken and tzaziki) and made a big protein shake to have for breakfast and to keep around today in case I get hungry. Dinner is yet to be decided (ended up having 2 oz tilapia with a black bean and corn salad, tzasziki sauce, on a wrap).

Goal for today;

No more coffee. I had one this morning but I will only drink water of decaf tea today. (I ended up having a tims coffee with milk on the drive home - so I failed at this goal, but it wasn't a binge so I am ok to just try again tomorrow with this one)

Get back to the gym tonight for at least 30 minutes. Even if its a 30 minute walk on the treadmill(fail - decided against going to the gym, but will go for 2 hours tomorrow morning)

Say no to anything not on plan. Fight the urge to eat something that is not going to help me reach my goals.(so far so good - although I am craving a coffee with cream and sugar- going to practice fighting the urge- I will NOT have a coffee tonight- I'll drink water instead)


I will be back tonight to document how I did:

Destiny

Lately I have been thinking about Destiny, and more specifically what is my destiny. On most days, I am feeling great about my progress. I know that I am not the same person as I was when I started this blog a few years ago. Mentally, and emotionally I have healed. My health is good, I feel strong, and I actually consider myself to be an athlete now. My weight, however, does not seem to be moving.

Now the thing is if I was eating healthy, doing everything right as far as food is concerned then I would be frustrated, but I know I have not. I start a different diet every week and give up by about day 2 or 3....

I have begun kicking around the notion that maybe I am destined to be heavy. When I was a kid, I was obese and very active... I excelled in baseball and could be found doing something "sporty" all the time, yet I was always obese. Now in my 40's I find myself in the same position.

The question I have been throwing around is whether my obesity is my destiny, or whether there is still something inside of me that is holding me back, keeping me obese to keep some kind of control over my life.... I have made so many changes to who I am over the last 3 years and maybe this is the one last piece of the puzzle somwhere deep within my being, I refuse to let go of? The opposite way of thinking about it is that I have lived a lifetime of making bad food choices, eating what I want, whenever I craved something I ate it. Perhaps it is just taking me longer now to break this HABIT and it really has nothing to do with destiny.

I am going to experiment for the next week.. I have no dinners with friends planned this week. It's just me looking after me. I am going to experiment with eating properly and more importantly going toe to toe (like the boxer I have become- lol) with that voice in my head that says "go on, just have it". I'm going to fight like I have fought against the urge to give up at the gym. I beat that battle, it's time to take on the issue of food. Yes, instead of succumbing to what I believe my destiny is.... I'm going to fight to make my own destiny.

Arrgh

reinjured my gluteus muscle yesterday. Damn, I was just starting to feel strong!

Great workout and a small victory

After skipping a workout yesterday, I was determined to get to the gym early today. I was there at 6:15 so I had 45 minutes to burn some calories on the treadmill, and then the eliptical, and still have time to do a quick dynamic warm up and get my hands wrapped and ready to go.

Since we are concentrating on cardio (as if boxing isn't enough cardio- lol) I did a warm up drill where I would run on the spot while throwing 8 punches high, then 8 punches low, then run to the end on the gym - then had to do it again increasing the punches to two sets and the run to two lengths, and had to keep doing this until we got up to 10. This is a crazy hard exercise and by the time I am done, I am soaking wet and exhausted. So I get a 2 minute water break and its on to another set of hard punching and footwork exercise and finished it up with inclined plank (my feet are higher than my hands). My calorie burn for the 1hr 45 minute session was 1014calories. By 9:00 when I got I left for work, my calorie burn for the day was already 1500 calories, and my projected calorie burn for today is 3200 calories. That is insane!

So after a long day, I was pretty tired on my drive home and was craving chips and dip.... I never eat dip, so I don't even know where this was coming from.... I made up my mind that I had a big calorie burn and I would buy the chips and dip and be done with it...... I started thinking about it, and visualizing where I want to be in August and eventually talked myself out of it. Instead I bought all the fixings to make pita pizzas. I ate two of them which was a big splurge for me and ended up about 200 calories over my 1400 calorie limit for the day. I worked out how much the chips and dip would have been (lets face it I would have eaten the entire bag and the entire jar of dip) total calories for this 2400. This is a victory for me. Never have I even tried to talk myself out of a binge before.

Feeling pretty good today.

plugging along

I feel like I have gotten into a grove food wise since the New Year. I am eating healthy and my daily caloric intake is right about 1400 calories. I am eating healthy food and an never hungry. I've even managed to eat out a few times and make healhy choices and stay within my daily calories.

Exercise wise, I am getting better, but am still trying to get over my back/hip injury. I am beginning to think that the "rip" I felt in my back a few weeks ago was the facia(sp) or scar tissue surrounding my muscles that have been inhibiting my pelvis from moving freely and causing it to torque. In the two weeks that I have been healing, I feel like my hips are finally looking more balanced. I will ask the chiropractor about my theory this morning when I go for my weekly appointment.

I have been wearing my bodybugg every day, and the minimum amount of calories I burn is about 2000. That is basically lying on the couch all day (which I did on Sunday)! If I do 1 hour of exercise and move around normally throughout the day I burn roughly 2700, and on the few days that I go all out with exercise (for me that is 2 hours at the gym with a 1 hour boxing/high cardio running session), I burn approx 3300 calories.

I am really paying attention to this because I can finally see that I have simply been eating too much in the past. If I can stick to the 1400 calories a day mark, I should be ablt to consistently lose 2 - 2.5 lbs a week and that is right on target for my August triathlon.... I am working on visualizing myself running across the finish line at 160 lbs - a strong, athlethic, healthy person.

I CAN DO THIS!!!!

Update: Went to the Chiro this morning and he once again worked his magic on my back and legs. He has confirmed that the pain I am feeling has nothing to do with the treatments and my body loosening up, it is a muscle tear in my gluteus minimus (I think that's what he called it) I have officially gotten my first sports injury and man is it a pain in the ass.... pa da dum! Another week of rest from doing any lateral movement and I should be good to go.

On the mend

Went to the Chiropractor this morning. My back is feeling much better after my treatment. I am on the mend. I felt completely defeated after my injury on Monday..... I kept saying to myself "Happy Fucking New Year". In an effort to be more positive this year I decided to change my thinking to this being a set back. I am strong, and am doing what I need to do to get stronger, and I am completely focused on losing weight, which I believe will go a long way in alleviating the back pain.

I heard a quote today from a woman who lost a lot of weight (I think 400lbs) who said to "focus on the goal not the struggle". This is exaclty what I intend to do.

The Party is Officially OVER

and back to work I go. I woke up this morning with quite a bit of pain in my lower body. My back is still tender, but rather than being a disc problem which I initially thought, this feels more like a strain in my glutes - Yeah I would think that might have something to do with the 75 squats I did yesterday. I did some stretching and used my foam roller a bit this morning and it is feeling better.

On the negative side I woke up at 4:45 this morning, totally ready to get my butt to the gym, but the pain was a little bit too much so I decided to forego it and went back to sleep for an hour. If I am feeling better, I will go tonight. I want to just do a light walk on the treadmill and maybe the eliptical for a bit to get a bit of a calorie burn.

Eating is right on track and my bodybugg tells me that on average, I am burning 1000 calories more than I am eating in a day, so that should equate to a 2 lb (fat) loss per week on the scale. Right on track.

I am also sending a daily quote to two of my friends to get/keep us motivated so I will post them to blog as well. Todays quote reminds me that this really is just an equation:

Sidelined before I even get started?

Bad day.... hit the gym early this morning for my personal training session. I was doing weights today, squats (with 65lbs on my shoulder)lunges, again with weights, and then deadlifts. Everything was going well until the last set of deadlifts, where I felt something pull in my lower back. I was devestaed, there seems to always be a setback for me!

Icing my back on and off today, and hoping that it feels better tomorrow. Arrrrrrgh I want to scream.

Go!

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day ~ Edith Lovejoy Pierce

I was at a fantastic party last night. My aunt and uncle have been hosting a NYE party for as long as I can remember. Soca music is blaring..... the dancefloor is packed all night long, the atomosphere electric and there is soooooo much love and joy in the room. (see video clip below).



At midnight, amongst the kissing, and tooting of horns and screaming and clapping, I took a quick moment to reflect on 2011 and all of the amazing things that have happened and how much I have changed. This can be summed up perfectly in something my cousin said to me a few months ago when we met for lunch after not seeing each other for quite a few years. He told me that I am a completely different person that the shy, quiet, unconfident person that he knew. That was confirmation that the work that I have been doing IS WORKING! While celebrating the New Year, I also took a quick second to think about 2012 - This is going to be my year. It is in me to finish this and I will. As the first minutes of the New Year ticked away, I said to myself "today is the first day of the rest of your life"

AS of today, I will live with no more doubt about what I can or cannot achieve. Doubt is no longer an option. I will think like a average sized person, I will work out like an athlete, and will live my life as if I am at that place that I long to be(goal weight, "normal" )....... My body is just going to have to catch up to my mind.

Evening update:

tonights dinner: 3 oz chicken breast, 2 TBS tzaziki sauce, organic brown rice with greek spices, greek salad (tomato, cukes, yellow pepper, red onion) and a sprinkle of feta cheese with 1.5 TBSP low fat homemade greek dressing, and 6oz dry red wine. It was yummy.