Lately I have been thinking about Destiny, and more specifically what is my destiny. On most days, I am feeling great about my progress. I know that I am not the same person as I was when I started this blog a few years ago. Mentally, and emotionally I have healed. My health is good, I feel strong, and I actually consider myself to be an athlete now. My weight, however, does not seem to be moving.
Now the thing is if I was eating healthy, doing everything right as far as food is concerned then I would be frustrated, but I know I have not. I start a different diet every week and give up by about day 2 or 3....
I have begun kicking around the notion that maybe I am destined to be heavy. When I was a kid, I was obese and very active... I excelled in baseball and could be found doing something "sporty" all the time, yet I was always obese. Now in my 40's I find myself in the same position.
The question I have been throwing around is whether my obesity is my destiny, or whether there is still something inside of me that is holding me back, keeping me obese to keep some kind of control over my life.... I have made so many changes to who I am over the last 3 years and maybe this is the one last piece of the puzzle somwhere deep within my being, I refuse to let go of? The opposite way of thinking about it is that I have lived a lifetime of making bad food choices, eating what I want, whenever I craved something I ate it. Perhaps it is just taking me longer now to break this HABIT and it really has nothing to do with destiny.
I am going to experiment for the next week.. I have no dinners with friends planned this week. It's just me looking after me. I am going to experiment with eating properly and more importantly going toe to toe (like the boxer I have become- lol) with that voice in my head that says "go on, just have it". I'm going to fight like I have fought against the urge to give up at the gym. I beat that battle, it's time to take on the issue of food. Yes, instead of succumbing to what I believe my destiny is.... I'm going to fight to make my own destiny.
2 comments:
I have to admit, I feel that way. Like, I'm meant to be fat.
But deep down, I know that isn't the truth in my case. It's just an excuse from keeping me from trying.
Good luck with this week!
Blue, that was the best thing you could have said to me.... It is an excuse isn't it.... I think I needed to hear that.
Post a Comment