Try a Tri next weekend

"Feel the fear - push through it - do it anyway"

I have been saying this to myself every day for the last two weeks. When I started working out with a trainer over a year ago, I told him my goal was to do the Milton try a tri in two years. Next weekend is the day...... and I am freaking!

I have always held on to a vision of what I would look like when I competed in the try a tri - strong, at goal weight and an athlete. So I have been struggling with the fact that while I am a lot stronger I am nowhere near my goal weight and am certainly not an athlete. I have so many fears going into this race, but for me, it has nothing to do with the physical part. I know I am capable of doing this race. For me it is about putting myself out there in front of a crowd of people to be judged. I have spent my entire life hiding from judgment about my weight and the thought of doing this has been making me physically ill for the last couple of weeks. Well, I have decided to just go for it - I am doing this for me, I fear that if I back out now, I will never do it, because I think that fear will always be there. I have one week to pull it all together and I have resigned myself to the fact that I cannot control what other people say or think, I can only do my best, and be proud of the person I am becoming.

Now on a more uplifting note - Yesterday, I went to the U.S. to do some shopping with two of my friends. One is a size 2 and one is about a 14 so we always have to split up and I would go to the plus section and they would go to the regular section. Well yesterday, they were looking for dresses for upcoming weddings so I was following them around and decided to try on a few gorgeous gowns just for shits and giggles. I wanted to see how close I was to wearing a size 16. The first one I tried on fit! Yay, it must have been a generous style, so I tried on the next one - yup it fit too..... I must have tried on about 20 dresses in size 16 and they all fit. I was just the most awesome feeling to shop with my friends - to all be in the dressing room together and all come out to show off our dresses. The downfall of this scenario is my friends were the ones looking for dresses, but didn't buy any and ummmmmmmmmm well I bought two simple dresses workstyle dresses! I also bought a fantastic pair of Oakley sunglasses to wear when I am working out outside, or biking or running.....

I am off for a bike ride and run now and then I am going to bootcamp this afternoon!