Dinner date and Shopping

Sooooo, last night I had a dinner date with the guy I have been seeing for a little while now. Normally, I go to his place as he lives in downtown Toronto and there is way more to do down there. Last night I invited him out for a home cooked meal (he eats out way too much). His choice for a meal was lasagna, which I served with salad and bread. Everything went well, he seemed to enjoy the dinner and we both enjoyed each others company. I have really not dated in such a long time(over 10 years) so I feel like a 20 yr old in many ways, everything is all new again. To me the biggest thing to get used to is showing off my body, instead of hiding it under loose clothes. So I had on a wrap dress, brown tiger print that is fairly low cut but really shows off my curvy figure, even though I was not very comfortable putting it on. When he walked through the door, his eyes nearly bugged out of his head and he told me quite a few times how much he loved my outfit and my curvy figure..... hehehe, what a great feeling, and a definite confidence booster.

So today I went shopping, I was looking for a swimsuit for the gym as I am starting to do some swimming on Monday and need a sports style suit(which is impossible to find btw - does Speedo think that anyone over a size 16 doesn't swim - wth). Anyway, I went to Addition- Elle and didn't find any swim wear, but I did pick up the cutest top and tried on a 1 x and it actually fit, and looked fantastic. (picture will follow). I am heading to the States to go outlet shopping next weekend, and cannot wait to pick up some clothing that actually fits as most of my clothes are way too big now.

Okay, I am off to catch up on some sleep, tomorrow, I am going to do some shopping for core/filling foods. I have to get my eating under control this week. It is time to kick the 240's to the curb!!!!!

Final note to anyone who watched Biggest Loser: Does anyone else think it a bit over the top that Rudy has lost 100 lbs in 7 weeks. I mean it is great, but something in the back of my head keeps telling me it will be harder to keep it off if you lose it so fast. I admit I have a secret crush on Rudy though, he is such an easy going guy. I also loved the fact that some of the past contestants were going to be running a triathlon the next day. Woot, good for them.

Here is the top I bought (please disregard the fact that I look horrible- lol)

Wednesday workout- its all about the core!

So this morning I did the equivalent of 1000 crunches.... That's right, I did not add an extra 0 by accident... one thousand crunches.... part of this was doing the plank which for me is 30 second intervals of pure hell..... but as my trainer reminded me, when I started working with him, I could not do the plank position at all, now I am able to hold it for 30 second intervals, and I did this 6 times today.

All in all not a bad day.... I am thinking I need to write some other stuff on here as it seems that my entire life revolves around working out. Ok I will write some more tomorrow about my date this coming Friday night, where I am cooking dinner for the first time for the guy in my life.

Dina jumps

If anyone is following the Biggest Loser, you will recall Dina and the mental block she had when it came to doing the standing jump up onto the box.... so this morning I saw the box at the gym and was telling my trainer about the show and Dina etc and he said oh you can easily do that,,,,, so my response was "um well you know I have to try before I leave today right".

So in order to build up to the height of the box (16 inches to be exact) he used a regular step, just putting the top layer on the floor and I jumped up on to it.... Then he steadily increased the height until I was doing a jump up at the same height as the box.... but then to add another challenge, he said see how many you can do in 1 minute...... I did 17!

An even bigger challenge came my way this morning..... my trainer asked if I had a swim suit! Ummmm he wants to train me in the pool on Friday!..... ugggggggghhhhhhhh now that terrifies me. Not swimming, it's the putting on a swimsuit part that terrifies me.....

Other than that, I did a full arm cycle today, and have already been warned that I will probably not be able to bend my arms for the next two days..... wednesday is core day, and I'm sure there are many many sit ups in my future....

Ouch!

Finally able to post now that my arms are working again! I wish I could take back my words when I told my trainer to push me harder than ever before... After Wednesdays leg workout I was barely able to walk for three days, and Friday's workout was shoulders and back. Wasn't feeling too badly yesterday, and spent the entire day cleaning my apartment, scrubbing floors, washing windows etc, and today I am is so much pain!

When I was working out on Friday, I had to do push ups as part of my cycles. So I would do butterfly's on a machine (3 sets of 10) then on another machine I'd do a rowing exercise (1 set of 15) then on to a mat and do modified pushups (3 sets of 10). On the second set of 10, on the push up, I had to turn to the side and push one arm up into the air.... Now I had to do this cycle 3 times, by the third cycle I was hurting really bad and when I was doing the last cycle of push ups I kept saying I can't I can't I can't..... My trainer kept saying you always say you can't, when are you going to say you CAN..... So after doing this exercise, I was supposed to do some simple stretching BUT I pissed my trainer off with all of the "I can't" talk and he ran to the front and came back with the boxing gear PLUS that dreaded 40lb jacket, and I finished my workout with a really hard boxing sequence.....

The moral of my story..... I don't think I will EVER say I CAN'T again!

5k Run - The aftermath

"The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start."
-John Bingham, running speaker and writer



I DID IT!!!!! My official time was 49min 7sec.

1657 52:48.9 10:34 49:07.8 10360 ROSS, SHARON BRAMPTON 1008/1621 91/131 W40-44

Oh boy, what a day. I cannot even tell you how proud I am to have accomplished this. I did it, and in my fastest time ever. For me the best part was the fact that there were so many things that could have stopped me from doing this run, so many excuses I could have made to have backed out of it, but I didn't, I just went for it and I have a feeling this may make all the difference in the world to me on this journey. I did it... and I now know that through hard work and proper eating anything is possible - ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

Funny enough, there were no tears at the end of this race (well only from one of my friends), I simply felt a huge sense of accomplishment and a sense of relief as well. No more hiding, no more being afraid of judgment from others, no more not believing in myself. I am on a mission now, I've had that little taste of victory and have seen a tiny glimpse of the real me that I have been trying to find for so long. Running across that finish line I was pumping my fists in the air, and was just beaming from ear to ear, and just kept repeating to myself I did it, I really did it.....

Tomorrow its back to the gym to start training for my next step on this journey - try a tri (mini triathlon) next May!

I have included some pictures from the day, my run, me at the finish line, with my trainer, with my friends and with my medal!!!!!

RUN DAY

I just removed the countdown clock which started at over 200 days until my run and finally it is a zero.... Yesterday, I was feeling very anxious and decided to read back over my blog posts from January of this year to date. I have faced many challenges over that time period and have overcome them and I realized that this is just another short period of time on the timeline of my life, but it is one that I will look back fondly on. The nerves are now gone, I am just going to go out there and do my best, and when I look back on this blog post 8 months from now, on the eve of my first triathlon, I want to read that today was all about conquering fears - fear of failure, fear of judgment, and fear of the unknown....

I will be back later hopefully with some pictures to upload, but for now, this girl's got a race to run!

Getting ready for the run

So here it is the day before my run. I think the nerves are gone now and I just want to get there and start. This morning I did a trial outfit and decided on this one:




I am making a music list to listen to tomorrow, lot of upbeat music, black eyed peas, Sean Paul, Sean Kingston, Pit Bull, and i think I am going to start the playlist with The Climb, by Miley Cyrus, which will remind me that is a stepping stone on my journey, and finish the run with a song by Melissa Etheridge, called "I run for life" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgiwrvEX8wY. It's about her battle with Breast Cancer and as I've written before, While this run is totally about me and my journey, it is also to mark the memory of the 10th anniversary of losing my Mom to breast cancer, so I think it will be a fitting song and will motivate me to push it hard when i am getting close to the finish line.

I just want to say thanks so much for the lovely, inspirational and motivational messages you guys left for me, I feel blessed to have cyber friends who truly get what this journey is all about, and I appreciate all of your kind words.

Thanksgiving Weekend Rambling

Have been thinking about things a lot lately. When I started this blog I gave it the name Journey to find the real me because that is truly what I wanted to gain from this journey. Not only do I believe the real me is a thin healthy person, but the real me is athletic and excels at sports and leads a very active lifestyle.

Next Sunday I run my 5k race. I am very anxious about it, but not about the actual run, I am confident in my ability, and my training, I know I can finish it.. it is more about those demons in my head that have held me back all of these years. The voices that say don't do it Sharon, you are too fat, everyone is going to laugh at you, there will not be any other 240lb women crazy enough to do this, and right now, the big one is that the race day t-shirt that I ordered is an XL and I am afraid it won't fit!!!!! This fear takes me back to grade 6 where I excelled on the girls baseball team. Literally hit a home run 90% of the time I went up to bat.... On the day of our school tournament, the coach gave us our shirts and i went into the washroom to try it on, and well yes it was about 3 sizes too small. I just remember the shame that I felt at that moment. Rather than asking the teacher for a bigger size, I hid behind a hoodie, wore it all day over my team shirt, in the sweltering heat, even though my coach asked me to take it off about 10 times. So we won the Championship, yes, I hit a lot of home runs, but the shame in my size erased a bit of my self esteem that day. In fact, that was the last time I played on an organized sports team, where I knew there would be a team uniform and that is when my weight began spiraling out of control. So here we are 30+ years later and the memory of that day is causing me anxiety over accomplishing something I have worked for 7 months to achieve..... This probably sounds ridiculous to most people, but I just wanted to write it out - it helps me to see that I am being irrational.... in fact I don't even have to wear the t-shirt they provide, I just have to wear the race bib. The funny thing is I was out shopping all afternoon yesterday, trying to find something to wear when I race next weekend, and guess what I was trying on........ you got it hoodies.

My thoughts are so jumbled these days, I think I have a clear sense of why I gained all of this weight, and then everything just won't piece together in my mind. But I am going to stop thinking about what I am wearing, and how I look, and who in the crowd is judging me, and focus on doing the best that I can, and proving to that cute chubby little girl that she can be an athlete at any weight, and that she can change her life, and she can set the bar higher than she ever imagined. I am hoping that the feeling of accomplishment I get when I cross that finish line will finally set me free from the shame of my grade 6 self.



Note: this picture is from Grade 4, when the shirt still fit.

New Gloves and I stayed on my feet!

I truly never thought the day would come when I would be excited about buying new gloves... Now last week I bought a beautiful pair of leather gloves to wear to work, but I am talking about the everlast gloves my trainer picked up for me and gave me this morning... boxing gloves! Yeah and he chose pink ones to match my pink wrist wraps..... So today I went 21 rounds with my new gloves.... I am sore and exhausted but I know in a few hours I will feel great.... I just keep picturing toned, cut arms and shoulders and it keeps me going.....

Oh, and I did my 1 mile run on the treadmill- and I managed to stayed upright! Will post pictures of my gloves later on.

How Embarrassing

So imagine doing your regular 1 mile warm up on the treadmill..... you are trying desperately to finish in under 16 mins..... your trainer has taken up his normal spot to cheer you on standing on the rails on your right hand side - on no wait, this morning he is on the left hand side - that's strange. Anyway you run and run and walk and run, the sweat is dripping and you are out of breath. You raise the speed limit to 6.5 mph to try and crank out your personal best time for the last 1/10 of a mile and when you get to the 1 mile mark you are completely spent and jump off of the tread mill like you always do onto the left side rail........ (insert that scratchy noisy like a needle on an album here)

Oh that's right, today your trainer is standing on your left and when you jump you hit his foot and well after that, everything becomes a blur, you feel your other foot come out from under you, and your knee go down hard on the treadmill belt, but luckily you hang on for dear life to the top hand rail, but oh no, you can feel the tread mill belt burning into both knees as it speeds along at 6.5 mph.... you feel your trainer trying to lift you up off the moving death machine but you refuse to let go of the rails which makes it impossible for him to move you(or perhaps it is your 250 lb frame). Finally your trainer pushes the stop button, and you are able to let go of the rail and slide down and off the end of the treadmill.....

Ummmmm yep, this is what happened to me yesterday morning.... luckily I wasn't hurt, well except for the rug burn type marks on my knees, along with lots of swelling on one knee, oh and of course my pride..... However, I got through it the way I always do..... I laughed hysterically...... oh and this was the beginning of my session, I still had to do Muai Thai boxing for 45 minutes after this happened, plus 100 squats in 20 min intervals. leg presses, 50 crunches and had to run around the parameter of the gym 5 times.

If I could get through the embarrassment of this morning, man I can get through anything..... oh and its ok to laugh.......seriously it is

So the question you are probably asking yourself is what was my time.... 15.5 mins :D

Sunday Ramblings

So today I am making wedding cake #2 for a girl that I work with. She is from Pakistan and is Muslim, however since both her and her husband to be grew up here they want to incorporate the cake tradition into their ceremony, that is where I come in! So last night I baked the top tier and this morning I baked the bottom, next is the fondant and then the ribbon and pearls. I was even able to find an East Indian Bride and Groom for the cake topper. So far so good, I just want it to look decent! I will post a picture later on today. Looking forward to the wedding tomorrow night. I have never been to a Muslim ceremony and I'm looking forward to it... Next weekend another friend is getting married and she is of the Sikh religion, so I am looking forward to that as well(and I don't need to make a cake for that one- lol)

o.k. here is the cake (Nicole, don't look lol):

Sabotage?

I have honestly never believed that anyone in my life would sabotage my weight loss efforts, I have felt nothing but support from everyone who is close to me, so today it is really bothering me that I am feel like one of my friends was trying to sabotage me last night!

I had a couple of friends over for a girls night in, I picked up a bottle of wine and desert and one of my other friends was picking up Chinese food... So we were all adding our thoughts into the menu, chicken fried rice, steamed rice, a chicken dish, a beef dish, and baby bok choi (sp). My plan was to have steamed rice, veggies, and a small spoonful of the other two dishes. Lo and behold my friend arrives with the Chinese food and as she is putting it all out she realized that she forgot the steamed rice and the veggies! WTF

As it turns out I did not really like the chicken dish or the beef dish so I didn't overindulge, I also put together a really low point dessert (slice of pound cake with thawed frozen berries topped with pineapple coconut yogurt), and I only had two glasses of wine, so in all the night was a success weight wise. I just needed to write this down and let it go....... this friend has been nothing but supportive of my efforts so I will give her the benefit of the doubt.

On other note, I was shopping last week at Winners and bought a jacket. Now I have been big all my life, except for a brief moment in time when I was in high school and went down to 150 lbs. I have longed to be able to buy funky, stylish clothes and look good in them, but for so long I have not been able to find plus size clothing that even remotely looked cool and stylish, so I am just loving this jacket and have to tell you the best part is the purple lining, I wish I could wear it inside out..... here is a picture, which really doesn't show the style very well, it is s short motorcycle style, but you can see that it makes me happy-lol

Fitness - Phase 2, workout 2

1 mile on the treadmill -16 minutes even

3 cycles in circuit training each:
kicks, 10 on each leg and then straight leg kick, 2nd cycle 15 each, 3rd cycle 20 each;

step ups for an interval of 2 mins

jump and squat cycle onto a step(no risers)

speed walk around the gym.

2 minute break then

3 sets of 15 reps chest shoulder and back machine....

I am exhausted but feel good. I love being pushed past my comfort level.

I have yet to do my 5k race and my trainer is now planning our next adventure- try a tri (triathlon) next May.... the race consists of a short swim in open water, followed by a 10k bike and then a 2.5k run. This was always my ultimate goal.....I can't believe it is getting closer to becoming my reality...

Believe it and achieve it will be my motto for today....

Fitness Report Card and reflection on the last 6 mos

Well I rejoined the gym for another 6 mos and since I was ending the first session I asked for the data the my trainer had collected. Here it is:

Part One - The Scale

Start date - Feb 09 Weight 265.6
Current - Sept 25 Weight 250.00 (was down to 244, but slipped a bit)

Starting BMI 41.6
Current BMI 39.2

Starting Fat % 51
Current Fat % 49.2


Part Two - Measurements

Start date - Feb 09- Current - Sept 25

starting bicep 16
Current bicep 15

starting chest 51 1/2
Current Chest 47 3/4

Starting waist 50
Current waist 44 3/4


starting hips 55
Current hips 50 3/4

starting thigh 31 1/2
current thigh 27 3/4

starting calf 19 1/2
Current calf 18 1/4

Total inches lost = 21

I thought it may be a good idea to reflect on some other changes I've noticed
- clothes went from busting out of a 22 to fitting into a 18 or even some size 16.
- have been able to buy 3 pieces of clothing from non plus sized section or store, and they actually fit and I wear them, and they are not socks!
- when I started out I could barely walk without pain due to lower back pain and now my back is strong and healthy and I walk nice and straight
- I have gone from being able to do 10 sit ups to doing 250 at one time
- I can currently leg press 525 lbs
- I am training and will complete a 5k run on October 18.
- I am in the process of buying boxing gloves so I can participate more often in Kickboxing workouts (I've always had a secret desire to box, just never imagined it would happen)
- The thought of smoking again is now just a distant memory, no desire what so ever to smoke.... (just bought my niece a smoke free hypnosis session, I want her to quit at 20 and not wait until she is 40 like her dumbass aunt!)
- Started dating again, and have actually realized many men love a curvy woman!!!!!
- My confidence is through the roof.... Now when someone stares at me instead of thinking they are judging me, I think they are commenting on my HOTNESS- hahaha
- I am winning the battle over the negative self talk. I no longer think I can't do it, I know I can, I can do anything I set my mind to, I have finally proven that to myself.
- Finally, and most importantly I AM HAPPY, I am loving my life, and for the first time in a very long time, I am loving the person that I am.

I had a brief lapse in confidence and was scared about continuing on this journey to find the real me - but today all I can say is BRING IT!


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