weigh in

I weighed in yesterday morning and was hoping to get back into the high 230's but alas TOM messed me up. I did manage to lose 1 pound, so not to bad. Today my weight showed down another 4 pounds, now that TOM is over but it usually will go up a pound or so in the next few days. My weight fluctuates so badly it's not funny. Everything is is plugging along... start training for my new job this week, my knee and back are finally healing after two weeks of brutal workouts, hoping to straighten out some other areas of my personal life this week so that I can fully and completely focus on my weight loss.

*sigh* why does this have to be so hard sometimes!

Movie- The Kings Speech

Well I was trying to put off seeing this at the theatre but ended up going to see it yesterday. It's the story of King George VI who was a stutterer. I knew it would be a an emotional trip because I would be re-living just how hard life has been for my Nephew. He is 27 now and has stuttered since he was 4 or 5. It broke my heart to watch the fear and humiliation that he went through. It was also uplifting and the speech therapist who treated him was amazing. It was so weird to hear them name characteristics of people who stutter: mostly males(check), mostly left handed(check), often knock kneed (check), usually starts stuttering at age 4 or 5 (check), often has some sort of traumatic experience (ummm father committing suicide - double check).

There was also a part that mentioned that if the stutterer had someone speaking the same words at the same time(think two people reading the same line of a poem together) they wouldn't stutter. Well this part of the movie had me bawling uncontrollably.

I have been looking into a new aid that is basically like a hearing aid that makes the stutterer hear their own voice, at a different pitch in their ear. Apparently it creates that 2nd person speaking in unison and tricks the brain into not stuttering.

This used to only be available from a Dr. in NYC, but I have now found that there is a Dr. in a city an hour away that fits patients with it..... Before I mention it to my Nephew I want to talk to my Dad and sisters to make sure we are able to afford it, it cost about 4-5k, but I am sooooooo excited. To think that in a few weeks, he could speak without a stutter just gives me goose bumps. Please do me a fovour and keeps your fingers crossed, or say a prayer that this device works for Jay.... thanks.

Something is really bothering me

"Don't you dare think about quitting" Biggest loser quote

I have written that the intensity of my workouts have been increased in the last few weeks. Last Monday I did a weight cycle for my upper arms, shoulders, and back. I woke up in the very early morning in extreme muscle pain. I have been sore before, but this was almost unbearable, make you cry, pain. The pain was the same in both arms so I know I wasn't injured, just sore. This pain did not go away completely until Friday.

On Wednesday, I did a weight cycle for my lower body, and so on Thursday I woke up and was sore from head to toe basically. The other thing is that I have been running on the treadmill 1.5 miles before each workout, which is doing a number on my knees.

By the time Friday came around, I was tired from not sleeping properly, and also sore. I did my 1.5 mile run and then it was time to start my boxing workout. The long and the short of it was that I sucked, totally sucked, I was slow, and couldn't punch and I was doing a lot of foot work which was hurting my knees. My trainer was upset with me. Basically he said I am not working out hard enough and I am unable to do certain things because I am too heavy. I was sooooo upset. I was thinking that I was working so hard, especially the last two weeks. It was just a huge blow to my spirit.

Yesterday morning I woke up, most of the muscle soreness was gone, but my lower back was killing me, and both of my knees were swollen and sore. I spent most of the day with ice packs on my knees and back and was popping advil.

The thing is, I think my trainer is right. I do work out hard, but I only go 3 times a week, perhaps he sees that I am capable of more. I know for sure that my weight is hurting me. I need to work 100% harder on dropping some weight.

So today, I am sucking it up, I am going to buy a brace for my knees so I have some extra support. I am going to lower my carb intake this week and go to the gym every day.

No more excuses, no more feeling sorry for myself, and no more binging.

NOTE: I have no resentment at all to what my trainer said, he spoke only the truth, it was as if he said what my inner self has been saying to me all along.

Ha ha, a model in the making...

So my friends convinced me to send my photos in for the plus size photo session. Now this is not for a change in career or anything, it is simply a photographer who is doing a series on plus size woman and is asking for volunteers. If I was to get some great FREE professional photos taken of me, and that is all that comes of it, that's great. Now I was in a big rush and really have no idea what you are supposed to send as a face shot or body shot, so here is what I sent. I actully didn't cringe at my full body shot which is a miracle in itself... haha

Not too bad I suppose...

On a final note, I had my interview today and it went fantastically well...... I should know by the end of the week if I got the job.... Fingers crossed please.

Plus size model with a fantastic new job????

So I wrote last week that I have healed the inside of me over the last two years and now I am ready to change the outside. I feel in my soul that 2011 is going to be a huge year for me and, well it may very well be starting out with a bang.

- On Friday afternoon, | received an email from my boss inviting me to a job interview on Monday afternoon. A co-worker is going on mat leave and they are looking for someone from our department to take on the responsibility of covering her desk. Now her job has little to do with what the rest of us do and she is actually a level higher than me (senior law clerk- I work as a law clerk, but am basically self taught, no formal education). Word in the office is that both my boss and the VP, whom I will be working with, want me for this job. Knowing this I decided to take a chance and apply for it. Part one down, I got an interview!

- I have a secret desire to have professional pictures taken of me before I lose my curves. I love the pin up style photographs, nothing racy, just sexy, and I "liked" a local photographer on facebook, thinking that some day I will have enough guts to actually book a session. Well today I saw that she is looking for plus size models to do some photography work, no experience necessary, just between size 14 - 20. There is no age requirement either. I am going to send in a head and body shot.... Never in a million years did I ever think I would do this, but I thought, what the heck, I have nothing to lose. I write this not out of conceit at all but more about this being proof to myself, that I have learned to love myself, and love the curvy body I have been graced with. So with that being said, I will send off my pictures tomorrow and see if this 44 year old broad can begin a new and exciting career- lol

Back to weight watchers I go...

I made my way back to weight watchers today after missing the last 3 weeks. Three weeks ago a had a horrible weigh in - gained 8.5lbs (yup in one week). I pretty much didn't follow any type of plan over Christmas (although I didn't go crazy) and on January 1, on got back on track- following the new weight watchers program. Today, I am down one pound from my weigh in 3 weeks ago. I will take that! So my official weight today is 241.4. This is my 2011 start weight and my goal for the last weigh in of 2011 is 190. Now that is about 1 lb per week so it is totally do-able. The thought of having a "1" at the beginning of my weight is a bit surreal, but I'm ready, and I am going to do it right - eat healthy, exercise, and try to be happy.

I am trying to slowly incorporate new, delicious, and healthy foods to my diet. I hit Costco today and these are some of my finds:

Cheese, individually wrapped - 3pts a piece

2: Acai juice - Heard a lot about this- going to give it a try

3. Almonds, I am going to dry roast them - I package 18 per day.

4. Speedo. Yay, I have never been able to find one in my size (18) Just added the goggles and swim cap for the effect :)

Dear Lord, He wasn't kidding

Last week my trainer advised me that my workout intensity was about to increase. I think his words were "I'm going to kill you in the gym" He was not kidding. Here is what I did today in my hour and a half session:


- run/walk cycle on the tread mill 1.5 miles in 25 minutes.

- Skip 20 times, then 20 jumping jacks, then 20 strides….. did this 5 cycle 5 times

- Kick boxing set. In between sets instead of resting, I had to do a cardio set to practice footwork. (50 mins of this)

- 5 minute cycle of Polish boxing (high cardio)

- Intense sit up cycle to finish it out.



My entire body aches. I truly think that this is just too much for me to handle….. we will see

720 pounds..

Is the amount I leg pressed this morning at the gym. I did part 2 of my fitness test today and it was all about strength. I was able to increase the weight on every single machine that I was tested on. I don't remember all the numbers but I do remember the leg press number, because it was so high. My previous test, I leg pressed somewhere around 500, so to get up to 720lbs just freaking amazes me. Today was the first day going in early. I did 1.25 miles on the treadmill and some stretching prior to my training session.

Eating was good yesterday, finally back on track. However, after todays workout I am starving... going to have a poached egg on a slice of brown bread and get a move on to work!

243

Is the number that I saw on the scale this morning at the gym. My trainer and I are starting fresh, and I have agreed to do whatever he tells me to do to be sucessful this year. I think I've mentioned before that my personal training sessions are paid up until October of this year and I'm not sure I can continue beyond that point, so this really feels like my last chance to complete this.

So my weight is back to 243. I did a fitness test today, and most of the numbers/times, reps, were better than my last fitness test a few months ago, so I am definitely on the right track. I generally train 3x a week with my personal trainer for 1hr each session. He wants me to come in 1/2 hr earlier on those three days. So I will be working out from 6:30 until 8:00 Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings. I will be on the treadmill from 6:30 until about 6:50 and my goal is to do 1.5 miles on the treadmill. I will have 10 minutes to rest, drink water, and stretch before my regular workout begins. Oh yeah, but beginning wednesday, these will not be regular workouts. I was warned several times that my workouts will be ramped up, he is going to kill me in the gym. Make me work out harder than ever before. I am scared, but I am also excited. I am no longer afraid that I cannot do it - I know I can and I look forward to the challenge.

Now in order to balance these workouts, I have agreed to listen to his advice regarding food. Basically on the days before my personal training sessions I will be eating fish(salmon), brown rice and broccoli for dinner, a healthy lunch, and healthy breakfast. I have agreed that I will "eat no crap" on the days prior to my workout, it has to be super healthy or else I will not make it through the workout. I also promised to eat some protein in the mornings before working out. I will try do this! I also plan on going to the gym on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday and at the very least, doing 30 minute sessions. I am waiting for them to re-open the pool so I can get going on my swimming. It has been closed for renos for a while now.

Last night I saw the movie "the fighter". I just loved it. Since I have a new found love of boxing, I was able to draw so much inspiration from what the main character is able to achieve. At one point, in between rounds (he is losing the fight badly)his brother tells him to go and fight for all the bull shit they've had to endure for their whole lives- all the pain, all the suffering, fight for pride. I just loved this part, in fact I found myself clapping in the theatre at one point because I was soooooo into the fight scene- haha, I am such a dork!

For me, it all comes down to pride now. I really need to just get this done, the only thing holding be back is me, but that is about to change.

Onward and downward!

Let the fun begin... errr continue

I am just downing my first cup of coffee and watching weight loss themed television. Today is the first day of the rest of my life - I used to have this posted on the wall in my bedroom growing up. I remember my uncle coming to visit us from England. I had grown up receiving presents from him each year, but didn't meet him until I was in my late teens. He was in the British army and had his arm blown off by a hand grenade during WWII. He came home damaged and never really recovered. He lived in the family home in London, never married, never travelled, and really just lived his day to day life in his tiny little neighbourhood. After my family travelled to England in 1985, we were able to talk my Uncle into coming to visit us in England. His fear, as we later found out, was that because he only had one arm, he could not buckle his seat belt or use a knife to cut his meat, on the airplane. Anyway, when he finally came he stayed in my room and he came out to the kitchen that first day and mentioned that he really loved the quote I had posted on my wall... It truly was the first day of the rest of his life and I believe he decided at that moment to start fresh. In the following years he sold the old dingy house in London and bought a lovely little house on the coast, and visited us every year up until his death a few years ago. We can change, we can start fresh and today can be the first day of the rest of your life.

Last night I was at a NYE party at my uncles house (this is an uncle on my Dad's side of the family, the West Indian side - very different haha). It was such a crazy night. I danced from 10 oclock when I got there, until 3 o'clock when I left. So much fun. Last week I was at the mall and on a whim walked into a shop that had tons of glittery silver and gold party clothes. I ALWAYS wear black - you know because it is slimming right. Anyway in an effort to change, I bought myself a glittery silver top and felt like a million bucks last night.