So last night I sent out the email to a ton of family and friends, some old friends from school, some new friends that I don't know really well, some co-workers etc.
I asked a simple question "I need your help for a little exercise I am doing! Please send a return email to me and tell me the first word that comes to your mind to describe me." Boy I am loving the results so far. And I might add some are from the very people who teased me as a child(uncles) and even my father, who never really participates in these things. So here is the list so far. There are some duplicate words but I have added in each and every reply even if it was a duplicate.
Genuine (I could fill this page with wonderful words that pop into my head to describe you)
Looking so sweet
Lovable was the first but I could go on and on
Sister In Law
Ray of Sunshine (Thanks Purrfect24)
Open minded (thanks Nicole)
For me the key is not so much what my wonderful family and friends said(although it was wonderful and overwhelming to hear these words) it was more about what they didn't say. Nobody described me as fat at all. I think the results of this little experiment is making me really think that in reality, people see me as many wonderful things, they may see me fat as well because frankly I am fat, but maybe that is a secondary and much less important description. I think I am beginning to see that I do not need to hang on to this fat because clearly I can be all of the things mentioned above at ANY weight.
I am going to choose to try and slowly let go of the past, not completely because I think some of my best character traits are a result of the, mean spirited things that were said and done to me as a kid, but perhaps just the realization that my fat does not define me will make my journey to a thin person a little less bumpy. Hmmmm I have just peeled away one the the protective layers I think.
On another note, I came home from work to find a message on my answering machine from my soon to be personal trainer at the gym. He is a guy, his name is PJ and he sounds young!!!! Now I am nervous because I know this means I will NOT be able to stay within the confines of the women's only section. Blah. I will call him tomorrow and take it one moment at a time. hey perhaps he will notice that I am pretty, calm caring, cheeky etc and not care that I am fat !!!!! NOW THERE IS A THOUGHT