Tonight was my first visit and in true me fashion I skipped the first class. Fear definitely got the better of me. I was worried about the clothes I was wearing, the bag I was carrying my stuff in - EVERYTHING. So I decided to miss the stretching class and then finally talked myself into going for the intro to fit fix, which is basically a line up of machines that give you a full body workout in a short amount of time.
So there were two other new members and me and the instructor takes us to this fit fix machines and it is right smack dab in the middle of the gym directly in front of us are 50 bulky guys heaving large weights and grunting and groaning and pumping and... well you get the picture. I was absolutely mortified. The instructor was really nice, she showed us the first piece of equiptment and then looked directly at me and asked "would you like to try?" No thank you was my answer. For crying out loud you had to buckle yourself into this thing. And of course you know what scared me the most about this machine- that the seat belt wasn't gonna fit!!!!! So the second machine comes along and again she say's "anyone wanna try" so the guy and the girl I was with both gave it a go, and then she looks at me and I smile and shook my head, ummmmm no. She looked at me and kind of gave me a shot in the arm and said "this is a good opportuity to learn- you should try".
Moving on to the next piece of equipment I was yelling at myself "what is wrong with you- I said, do you want to change, do you want to change - Then suck it up and get on the damn equipment" Yep i do believe I was hearing a little bit of Bob from the Biggest Loser- lol. Anyway I got onto the next piece of equipment, and the one after that, and every single piece that she showed us. I was proud of myself but I am so far out of my comfort zone it is not even funny. Thank goodness I will be getting a personal trainer at the end of the week because otherwise I think it would be very easy for me to just stop going. How sad of a statement is that to make on my first visit.
To be brutally honest I was close to tears on the drive home. Not because I couldn't do it, not because everyone was staring and laughing and judging me (because they weren't) but because I have so little faith or confidence in myself that in my head I turned a great thing into a very scary thing.
All I can say, is that I will not give up. This year is all about CHANGE for me. I am going to stop hiding behind food and hiding behind a smiley face and I am going to step outside of the box no matter how uncomfortable I feel and hopefully as my body changes my attitude and my confidence will change too.
Spinning class is tomorrow night. (oh lord, give me strength) :)
1 comment:
*offers a hug* Damn....I'd have been in the bathroom sobbing...and you're going back!!!!
Good on you for trying it in the end. Like I said, I wouldn't set foot in there to begin with.
Have faith....nothing really worthwhile comes easily....look what you have to go through to have babies?!!!!
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