Fork in the road

The last week has been a wake up call for me. My personal training sessions ended about a week and a half ago, and it just so happened that my trainer went on vacation during the same time period. As of today it has been 10 days without exercise, I have not gone to the gym at all. I did go for a walk in the park one evening, but left after about 10 minutes to go shopping at Winners. So why the fork in the road you may ask? Well, I have been thinking about things this week, you know pondering how far I have come in the last 9 mos or so, and while I have come a long way, I began doubting whether I have been giving this process my all. I know my eating, especially binging is not under control, in fact this week proved that to me. I have been saving every penny to pay for my next block of personal training sessions, and it is a LOT of cash, well for me anyway - 10 grand to be exact... and I am thinking that I could just try doing this on my own and use that money to put towards a new car, or my dream trip to Australia, or some renos on my condo.

I finally realized yesterday, that yes I have reached a fork in the road, the low road is the easier road, just give up, go back to my old habits, or take the high road, which I know is the more difficult road, in fact that road is pretty much going to lead me up a mountain. I think I realized that I am afraid. I have my 5k race coming up in 3 weeks, and I think my mind is telling me just give up right now, but giving up on this is giving up on me, and I know this is may be my last chance to complete this journey that I started last November when I quit smoking.. I truly am beginning to get a glimpse of the real me, the beautiful, confident, athletic and happy woman who I lost somewhere along the way.

So I have decided I am going to continue along the high road for now, up the side of that mountain. I go back to the gym tomorrow morning and will sign up for another 6 mos of personal training sessions right away, before I can chicken out again and then take it a day at a time. I heard a song on the radio this weekend, I'm embarrassed to say it is by Miley Cirus (sp), but the words reached my core and I think gave me the strength to just suck it up and continue.... The song is called The Climb, I will put the lyric on here so that I can come back and view them later.


THE CLIMB
I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
The pain I'm knowing
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on,

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It's all about
It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith