Look up-way way up. Is it a bird? is it a plane? no it's...

just me :)

I have been posting in the last week about going zip lining and how I wasn't able to fit and was so upset etc... before I left I read a fellow bloggers post about fate, and whether or not people believed in fate. I personally am a huge believer, and I wrote that her blog post restored my faith in fate.

Thursday, I headed up north with my three nieces, resigned to the fact that I was going to be following them around the park taking pictures and holding their jackets. When I registered for the hotel on line, I also purchased three treetop trekking passes and 3 zip line passess for my nieces and 4 breakfast vouchers. When I checked in at the hotel they gave me a fistfull of assorted vouchers which I passed to my niece. I then came over to the girls and they were all smiling saying I had really "gotten" them by telling them I couldn't zip line. I looked at them confused as they showed my the *4* treetop trekking and *4* zip line passes. Fate seemed to be saying I was supposed to do this even though I was terrified of embarressing myself in front of a group of people if the harness didn't fit. BUT IT DID!

I started out slow and ended up doing two courses in the tree top as well as two zip lines, the second one suggesting that this is the longest zip line in all of Ontario. I was so happy I could have just cried, and I think I did pretty darn good too. Here are some photos(Note: I'm still trying to get a hold of my actual zipline video, and will post it once my niece provides me with it.)

Happy 45th birthday to me indeed!!!!!

Running along....

This morning I completed week 1 - day 2 of the learn to run program. Wow, running makes me sweat like nothing else. 20 minutes in and my shirt was drenched and sweat was dripping off my forearms.... who sweats on their forearms!!!! I remember when I first started working out I told my trainer "oh I don't sweat" haha I now know it's because I never worked hard enough to sweat. I would quit at the first sign of sweat. Now 5 minutes into my warmup I can feel the beads of sweat on my face.

Eating on plan is still difficult, but I am trying! I am taking it one day (and sometimes 1 hour) at a time..... I WILL get my binge eating under control.

Heading up North for a few days tomorrow. I still have this little voice in my head saying just try the damn zip lining harness on...... it might fit! We'll see.

Week 1 Sans trainer

For the last 2.5 years I have worked out with my personal trainer at the gym. We have never missed more than 1 week of training together, but he is now gone to Austrailia for 3 weeks. My last training session with him was last Wednesday and to be absolutely truthful, I have not been back to the gym since then (prior to this morning). On top of that my old crappy eating habits have once again kicked in.

confession (look away if you are squeemish): I bought a chocolate velvet cake last week- I specifically went to this particular store because I knew they had better baked goods. So I bought a chocolate cake, Hagen Daz ice cream (I am lactose intolerant!), giant hot dogs and buns to go with it. Then I stopped at the drug store and picked up a bag of kettle chips, and then stopped at pizza pizza and picked up two slices (which is actually equivelent to 4) of pizza.

After eating the pizza and most of the big bag of chips, I was stuffed to the gill, but I went and grabbed the cake and ate a big piece, along with 1/4 of the small tub of ice cream.

I felt guilty (as well as sick) later on that evening and threw the balance of the cake out. (here comes the really gross part) It was in a plastic container and then in a grocery bag (makeshift garbage bag, with no other garbage in it). The next morning I grabbed the cake out of the garbage and ate a huge piece for breakfast- WTF

The balance of my week has pretty much been like that - Eating out, drinking huge drinks and barely exercising- I FEEL LIKE MY OLD SELF - I FEEL LIKE CRAP!

This morning I am re-committing. I went to the gym and did the first run cycle of the couch to 5k run program. 5 minute warm up then intervals of run 1 min/walk 1.5 min for 20 minutes. Then I jumped on the stationary bike for half an hour.

Breakfast was a boiled egg on 1 sl toast with marg, and 1/2 cup almond milk with protein powder. I also went and bought green beans and zucchini and took out some salmon and some chicken for my lunch/dinner for today and tomorrow.

The three weeks without my trainer is a test. I have only myself to be accountable to. It's time to step up to the plate and do this on my own.

Something is really bothering me

It's been on my mind for days now, but I have been reluctant to post because I don't really know how to put my feelings into words, but let me try.

I feel like I have worked very hard over the last two years to get to where I am today. Now I realize I haven't lost that much weight, but my body size has gone down considerably and my fitness level has skyrocketed. I have been trying to figure out why I seem to be stalled at 240lbs. It's not a plateau or anything to do with my body, I think I have just gotten comfortable with the way I look. I think I look ok and have begun to "blend in" rather that "stick out". I have run a 5k, done a try a tri, climbed the CN tower and have been killing the mountain bike trails- I grabbed my bike and rode along the crowded boardwalk in toronto (which is a huge accomplishment for me because I normally would not even think of doing that for fear or being ridiculed)

That's all pretty great right, but here is the thing. I planned an overnight get away for me and my three nieces this coming week. I wanted to strike something off of my bucket list so I chose zip lining. The girls are really excited to do this with me but..... there is a note in the brochure saying that women who wear a size 18 or over will not fit into the harness. Whaaaaat.. I am currently just fitting into a size 16, but depending on the clothing I still wear some things in a size 18. I am terrified of going and not having the stupid harness fit.... so I have chosen not to participate, but rather go along and take pictures of my nieces as they zip line.... I am so upset because I feel like I have come so far but this just shows me that I still do not fit!

I have decided that rather than take this as a negative thing, I am going to use this as a positive to start losing again. I want to be past the point of having to ever worry if I am over the weight restriction, or if the harness is going to fit. I will go to the park and experience how humiliating and upsetting it is to have to walk the course when I want to be up there participating and I'm going to make a deal with myself that next spring I will be able to get up there and comfortably zip line.

Onwards and Downwards. (just not *down* a zipline)

Out and about

Monday is starting off great. Acutally I should back up and write that last night I took my two nieces to Chuck e Cheese for an evening of fun. I haven't had the opportunity to spent much time with them so it was loads of fun.

This morning I was up at 6:00 and at the gym for 6:30. I did 15 mins on the tread mill walk/run (actually more walking than running), then 15 mins of stretching. On to my personal training session -60 mins doing TRX training. I was a bit scared becuase I hurt my shoulder on this equipment last week, but today all was good. I am working up to a new crazy hard move. You lie on your stomach and put your feet in the TRX stirrups, then lift off the ground into a plank position. then pull your knees up to your chest and then roll them back out. I barely managed to do 1- huge core component here. But this is going to be constant in my training until I can get through 10. Here is a photo of the starting position(and nope, that's not me- I wish haha)




After my personal training session I hit the pool and did an easy swim for about 20 minutes, then lounged in the sauna, showered and spent another 30 minutes in the massage chair. Now I'm home, had a coffee with milk, two slices of wheat bread, an egg, two tsp of marg and a slice of cheese and I am good to go.

Just waiting to hear from my niece as she is going to go bike riding with me today along the Toronto waterfront. Should be a nice day ahead, with a big calorie burn.

Update:

Back from bike riding along the shores of Lake Ontario in west end Toronto. Beautiful day, blazing hot and lots of people out enjoying the day. The downside is I ended up at a Texas Longhorn Grill and enjoyed a Rita Cornita (a huge margarita with a little corona upside down in it, and I shared an appetizer trio with my niece..... but I think I am done eating for the day, so I think I am still ok.

Anyway here are some pictures of me and my niece from our day out.