Try a Tri next weekend

"Feel the fear - push through it - do it anyway"

I have been saying this to myself every day for the last two weeks. When I started working out with a trainer over a year ago, I told him my goal was to do the Milton try a tri in two years. Next weekend is the day...... and I am freaking!

I have always held on to a vision of what I would look like when I competed in the try a tri - strong, at goal weight and an athlete. So I have been struggling with the fact that while I am a lot stronger I am nowhere near my goal weight and am certainly not an athlete. I have so many fears going into this race, but for me, it has nothing to do with the physical part. I know I am capable of doing this race. For me it is about putting myself out there in front of a crowd of people to be judged. I have spent my entire life hiding from judgment about my weight and the thought of doing this has been making me physically ill for the last couple of weeks. Well, I have decided to just go for it - I am doing this for me, I fear that if I back out now, I will never do it, because I think that fear will always be there. I have one week to pull it all together and I have resigned myself to the fact that I cannot control what other people say or think, I can only do my best, and be proud of the person I am becoming.

Now on a more uplifting note - Yesterday, I went to the U.S. to do some shopping with two of my friends. One is a size 2 and one is about a 14 so we always have to split up and I would go to the plus section and they would go to the regular section. Well yesterday, they were looking for dresses for upcoming weddings so I was following them around and decided to try on a few gorgeous gowns just for shits and giggles. I wanted to see how close I was to wearing a size 16. The first one I tried on fit! Yay, it must have been a generous style, so I tried on the next one - yup it fit too..... I must have tried on about 20 dresses in size 16 and they all fit. I was just the most awesome feeling to shop with my friends - to all be in the dressing room together and all come out to show off our dresses. The downfall of this scenario is my friends were the ones looking for dresses, but didn't buy any and ummmmmmmmmm well I bought two simple dresses workstyle dresses! I also bought a fantastic pair of Oakley sunglasses to wear when I am working out outside, or biking or running.....

I am off for a bike ride and run now and then I am going to bootcamp this afternoon!

New week, new computer, new outlook

Wow, it has been a bit of a crazy week and I have not been around very much. I have been Detoxing all week, drinking a green drink all day and having a small bowl of pasta at night, this morning I am down 9.5lbs on the scale. The kicker is I am feeling more energetic than ever. Obviously, this is not something I would ever recommend to anyone to do, but it is working for me and since it is part of my journey I am blogging about it. My weight went up during the weeks that I was sick, partly because of not thinking about what I was eating and partly (perhaps)because of the medication I was taking - anyway my weight last Monday was 249lbs. I will do an official weigh in tomorrow, but this morning I was just into the 230's and I have been trying to get here for about a year so I was a happy girl this morning.

I finally went out and replaced my dinosaur of a computer yesterday. It has been dying a slow death all week so I finally retired it and got myself a laptop. I bought my old computer in 95, so yeah I got my monies worth with that computer. Still trying to figure out this new one though - it took hours to figure out how to move the cursor without a mouse*blush*

Only a few weeks until my try a tri at milton and I am getting nervous. I mt up with one of my trainers other clients at the gym yesterday and we did a run through of the tri - here are the distances and my times:

RUN: 1.5 miles - time 26 minutes
Bike: 10k -15 minutes
Swim: 375m - 11 minutes
total time = 52 minutes

Not the greatest, but not bad for my first run through. I really neeed to work on my running. Haven't run much since I hurt my knee, but I will get back at it this week. Same with the swimming.

Today is boot camp - Week 2 and it is a beautiful day outside. I am totally looking forward to it.

Bootcamp day 1

My trainer is doing a weekend boot camp in the park across from where I live and he invited me along for some extra workout time. I said I would go but as always when it came down to it, I made up a million excuses why I couldn't or shouldn't go.... it was starting at 2:00 and at 1:55 my trainer sent me a text asking if I was coming. At this point I was in my pj's and had absolutely no plan on going but all of a sudden I thought about the fact that he invited me along with his friends and family to do this - really it is such a great opportunity, so I replied with a text saying I'm on my way.

First of all it is really cold today, like 9 degrees C and fairly windy, which made it rather difficult with my cold.

We did 3 laps around the track to start(I did 2 because I didn't want to hold up the class while they waited for me to finish) and then we did lots of warm up drills, followed by running/cardio drills , jumping over and running around pilons, and then some leg exercise and arm exercise, and core exercise and then finished off with some stretching.

I felt great afterwards and was so glad that I went. On another note, I am beginning a 2 week detox tomorrow, so I picked up my greens powder and my wheat grass powder, and will do my best to survive on this for a couple of weeks. I am hoping this is going to get me back on track and provide me with a blank canvas so to speak to begin new eating habits. I am also going to up the exercise this week, even if the exercise is just walking on the treadmill for an hour, I just want to work on burning extra calories.

I am going to post a lot this week I think, because I expect it to be extremely difficult and I want to write out how I am feeling.

Let the games begin - toxins be gone!

Update

After struggling through the weekend, I finally went to the Doctor on Monday. Things went from bad to worse on the weekend when I felt a huge lump right in the middle of my back. Of course it was dead centre of my back where I cannot touch it from any angle, I only knew it was there because it felt like I was lying on a golf ball when I lay down.

So Monday at the gym my trainer stretched me..... I think he got more of a workout than I did, the poor guy! I felt so much better afterwards though and I know that was the best possbile thing for making sure my back heals properly.

After work I headed to the Dr. I was prescribed a anti inflammatory for my back, which has already kicked in and provided some relief. She also prescribed an anti- biotic for this darn upper back. Turns out I have a cyst there that was probably previoulsy formed by my bra rubbing against my back, and has just become infected. So she tried to squeeze the infection out and used a syringe, oh my did THAT ever hurt, but apparently the cyst was too hard so I have to go back in a few days to have it cut open and drained and then stitched up!...... Ugggggg,sorry if that is TMI, I am just freaking out a little bit....

On top of this on the weekend my sister had her surgery, all went well and she is home again - my niece, her daughter, required me to pick her up from work and take her to Emergency on Sunday night due burning her hands at work. Thank goodness, she too is fine. This will go down as the most stressful 5 days I have had in a while, but I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel, so it's all good!