2009 My Year in Review

I have spent much of today thinking about what goals I reached in 2009, of course there are the concrete things which I am very proud of:

- made it through a full year smoke free
- ran a 5k run at the Toronto Marathon
- lost 30lbs,
- went from wearing a tight size 24, to a tight size 16
- started dating again
- have consistently gone to the gym and worked with a personal trainer since February when I joined.
- no longer walk with a curve in my spine due to problems with degenerative disc.

But what I am more proud of are the indirect changes:

- my skin color(face) has changed from ashen to pink
- I laugh a whole lot more now, and the laugh is sincere, rather than forced
- I am much less irratable, and I tend to "let things go" more easily
- I have started to dream again, and have goals, and actually believe I can meet those goals
- I am much more relaxed in social settings, and believe that what I have to say is interesting to other people.
- I actually look in the mirror and see pretty, rather than gross, and when my guy tells me I am beautiful I believe him, and when he caresses my body and tells me I am sexy, I believe him.
- I walk with a spring in my step, and keep my head held high
- I am not petrified to walk into a restaurant to meet someone alone.
And finally:
_ I have given myself permission to stop mourning my Mom's death to breast cancer. It has been 10 years in January, and I have realized, that I need to let the pain that I carry in my heart about her illness and death go......and I have done that!

Now my blog name "journey to find the real me" really came from the fact that the life I have been living for such a long time was not my authentic self. I've always wanted to be a leader, front and centre, not afraid of the spotlight, not afraid to be admired, really a true Leo personality, but I was afraid - afraid of Judgment, afraid of failure, afraid of the unknown, so I literally decided to check out of life, and just exist rather than live. 2009 was all about getting myself into the right mind set, a place where I have dreams and desires again and confidence to make my dreams happen and I think I have been sucessful in doing that. In 2010, I am going to execute my plan to make sure that my dreams and desires are met and hopefully at the end of next year, the real me will emerge.

Finally,(and I know this post was long, if you are still reading, thank you) the biggest change for me is that I have found happiness again. I truly am happy and looking back, I can honestly say I have not been happy for many, many years!

Happy New Year my friends! In 2010, may we continue to strive for improvement in ourselves, continue to believe in ourselves, and continue to inpire one another on this journey!

Part II

I just wanted to add that since the gym and getting healthy has been such a large part of my year, I thought I would make some comparisons for the last year, fitness wise:

Beginning: I was walking on the tread mill for 1/2 mile in 5 minute increments at 2.5 and up to 3.8 mph.

Midway: I was running in 20 feet spurts which was too difficult so it was scaled back to run 10 feet, walk ten feet.

Now: I was running on the treadmill for 1 mile in 1 min increments at 7.5mph and then walking for 1 minute at 3.5 mph

Beginnig: I would walk a line doing high knees which after 10 minutes would have me gasping for air and doing 10 step ups on a bench right on the floor would leave me spent!

Midway: I would jog down one line of the gym and walk back, then do modified jumping jacks (no jumpint) and squats

Now: I do 45 minutes of high impact Muai thai - 10 rounds with only 2 -2 min breaks.

Then: I was barely able to do 1 pull up or 10 sit ups

Midway: I could manage 10 pull ups and approx 40 sit ups

Now: can do 4 sets of 10 pull ups and have maxed out at 1000 sit ups in a session.


Then: could ride the stationary bike on level one for 1 minute at at time, 3 times

Midway: could ride the bike on level 5 for 5 minutes

Now: can ride the bike on intervals totaling 5 minutes on level 10, and 15 minutes on level 3.

I have not lost a great amount ouf weigh in the last year, but my body has changed immensely and I feel strong.

Triathlon here I come!