Just my luck.........

After so many years of absolutely loathing my body and FINALLY taking steps to finally do something about it, I meet the perfect man for me, he is absolutely amazing in just about every way imaginable, and he adores me and my curvy figure. He doesn't just accept me as fat, he PREFERS me this way. He tells me I am beautiful and sexy and feminine and all of the things that I have NEVER felt about myself and the thing is I believe that he REALLY thinks this. I am trying to just take it day by day and enjoy the confidence boost that he gives me but I have said to him over and over, we may have met at the wrong time because I am on my way to becoming a thin, trim athlete, so he better enjoy me while he can. lol.... He actually thinks I am kidding.....

Hmmm what else is going on. I have been keeping a very detailed food journal for the last week, after my disappointing weigh in last week. I have been counting fat, carbs, protein and calories in everything I eat. This has made a huge difference and I see the weight on the scale finally moving downward. I am actually looking forward to my next weigh in.

Finally, I had my hypnotherapy session on Thursday which was really good. It was all about visualization. I was visualizing my weight going down and how I would feel with each pound lost. She made reference to me walking along a beach and there were numbers stretched out along the beach, starting with my current weight and going downward to my goal weight.... She asked me if I would be ok with letting 257 go and I said yet, so she had me wipe out 257 with my foot. She keep going down pound by pound and then every 10 pounds all the way down to my goal. About half way through my mind was getting so into this exercise, I was not just wiping the number out of the sand, I was kicking the shit out of it. Grinding it away as hard as I could, I think to make sure that number could NEVER come back to mess up my life again! She then had me visualize my 5k run in October, the way I will feel. The sound of the crowd, the sound of all the runners surrounding me at the start of the race, and the way I will feel as I run toward the finish line. I could feel a real "ugly cry" coming on (you know when your face scruntches) but I held it back for the most part, but I couldn't stop my lips from quivering and I couldn't stop the lone tear that escaped from the corner of my eye and ran down the side of my face..... She asked me how I feel, finishing the race, and I said I feel happy, and so VERY proud of myself. I relived that feeling yesterday reading the blog post of a fellow w.w. who just completed her first 5k run and she spoke about crying when she finished the race..... I cried right along with her when reading the post. Honestly, unless you have lived as an obese person, I don't think you can understand how much has to be overcome to get to the point where we are able to go out and run a 5k race....... and it's not just about the running, it is so much more. That is what I love about reading peoples blogs. There definitely is strength in numbers and when others succeed, it gives me the strength and the courage to continue in my journey. I am getting through each and every workout, all the pain, all the sweat, all the hard work, by thinking about nothing else but crossing that finish line!

Two steps back

Yesterday morning I had a weigh in. I was actually 1lb more than I was at my last weigh in. I was very disappointed but tried to keep focusing on the fact that my body IS transforming regardless of the weight gain. I did manage to lose 3lbs of fat which is great. Today, I am regrouping, I need to get my focus back and think about all of the reasons I am going through this journey. I am off to stock up on groceries and plan out my meals for the next week. I have promised my trainer that I would track everything for the next week so that we can see what changes I can make to my diet.

I have to say, that after the weigh in portion I only had a 30 minute session left and BJ totally kicked my ass, 30 minutes of hard core lunges (while holding a medicine ball over my head) and squats, while doing boxing punches holding 2lb weights) plus in between that I was running around the gym, or doing another high knees exercise that was very intense. I wonder if this was payback from my trainer for the 1lb gain....... hmmmmmmm.

Time to crack down on my eating.

I have my next weigh in next Friday. I have only lost about 1-2 lbs since my last weigh in last month. I will need to kick it into high gear this week and workout hard and watch what I eat.

I am kicking myself because I have fallen back into the old w.w. pattern. Eat poorly for the first 3 or 4 days after weigh in and then kick it into high gear for the next couple of days before I weigh in again. I am fooling nobody and I shouldn't need the fear of disappointing somebody else (in this case my trainer) to make me want to follow my program.

This is the next thing I need to work on.