Believe

Surprisingly I was able to stay away from the kitchen last night..... I think I even sulked a little bit at the fact that I wanted a coffee last night but refused to have one. I know it's small thing, but it's not really about the coffee is it...

So while I wasn't perfect yesterday (and really don't expect to ever be perfect) I think I was at least aware of what I was eating and that's a start. Stayed within my caloric intake and worked out for 2 hours....

Today I will try again to reduce my coffee intake and drink more water, and will try and get to the gym tonight. Of course I will continue with the say no experiment.

Hit the gym this morning for 1 hour and I did:
-20 minutes on the octane machine
-15 floors on the stair climber
-10 minutes on the treadmill- walking at 3.5 mph
- 100 situps
-various stretches, plank position etc (only for about 5 minutes)

That's it......

Monday - Just the facts (boring but necessary)

Hit the gym at 6:00 a.m Here's what I did:
25 minutes on the octane machine (sort of like an eliptical)
30 floors on the stair climber
1000m sprint on the rowing machine
100 sit ups

Then I joined my trainer and did:
lifting cycle for my legs (4 machines lots of reps and increasing weights)
suicide set 5 x then 3 times then a final sprint
sit up set (100 in total)

Put together my lunch (wrap with chicken and tzaziki) and made a big protein shake to have for breakfast and to keep around today in case I get hungry. Dinner is yet to be decided (ended up having 2 oz tilapia with a black bean and corn salad, tzasziki sauce, on a wrap).

Goal for today;

No more coffee. I had one this morning but I will only drink water of decaf tea today. (I ended up having a tims coffee with milk on the drive home - so I failed at this goal, but it wasn't a binge so I am ok to just try again tomorrow with this one)

Get back to the gym tonight for at least 30 minutes. Even if its a 30 minute walk on the treadmill(fail - decided against going to the gym, but will go for 2 hours tomorrow morning)

Say no to anything not on plan. Fight the urge to eat something that is not going to help me reach my goals.(so far so good - although I am craving a coffee with cream and sugar- going to practice fighting the urge- I will NOT have a coffee tonight- I'll drink water instead)


I will be back tonight to document how I did:

Destiny

Lately I have been thinking about Destiny, and more specifically what is my destiny. On most days, I am feeling great about my progress. I know that I am not the same person as I was when I started this blog a few years ago. Mentally, and emotionally I have healed. My health is good, I feel strong, and I actually consider myself to be an athlete now. My weight, however, does not seem to be moving.

Now the thing is if I was eating healthy, doing everything right as far as food is concerned then I would be frustrated, but I know I have not. I start a different diet every week and give up by about day 2 or 3....

I have begun kicking around the notion that maybe I am destined to be heavy. When I was a kid, I was obese and very active... I excelled in baseball and could be found doing something "sporty" all the time, yet I was always obese. Now in my 40's I find myself in the same position.

The question I have been throwing around is whether my obesity is my destiny, or whether there is still something inside of me that is holding me back, keeping me obese to keep some kind of control over my life.... I have made so many changes to who I am over the last 3 years and maybe this is the one last piece of the puzzle somwhere deep within my being, I refuse to let go of? The opposite way of thinking about it is that I have lived a lifetime of making bad food choices, eating what I want, whenever I craved something I ate it. Perhaps it is just taking me longer now to break this HABIT and it really has nothing to do with destiny.

I am going to experiment for the next week.. I have no dinners with friends planned this week. It's just me looking after me. I am going to experiment with eating properly and more importantly going toe to toe (like the boxer I have become- lol) with that voice in my head that says "go on, just have it". I'm going to fight like I have fought against the urge to give up at the gym. I beat that battle, it's time to take on the issue of food. Yes, instead of succumbing to what I believe my destiny is.... I'm going to fight to make my own destiny.